Dreading Summer hols

[whethergirl]

Bear with me, I normally a bit more upbeat (and grateful for my life) than this but really fed up today.

DS is 6, absent father so no contact and no child maintenance. I'm lucky to have my mum, as once a week she picks ds up from school and takes him swimming, then in the evening I go to my drama class.

However my mum goes away every Summer from June - September. Although I love being out and about with ds during the hols, part of me is dreading having to spend day in day out with him, 7 days a week. For the last couple of months he has been going to bed late too, which eats into my precious evenings. So then I go to bed late to make up for it, he wakes up early and I wake up in a bad mood because he is noisy or walked into the bedroom for the 5th time to ask me he can't find a piece of lego he needs.

As my housing benefit doesn't cover the rent and I don't get child maintenance, I sell bits and bobs on ebay to make ends meet.

During hols, it's so much harder to find the time to do ebay. Which means I'm even skinter than ususal (at a time I need more money as ds is at home eating constantly!) Also, I take brisk walks/jog every day for an hour, which is great for me physically and mentally (I have suffered depression in the past so things like this are really important for me, to keep me sane). But during hols, I have ds so can't go for my walks.

I enjoy DS so much more when I've had a break but to have him every single day, all day long - I just find it too much, he irritates me, I get fed up. I've tried taking him to daytime clubs but he won't go anywhere without me!

Do you have a job ?

"do you have a job" is a relevant fact not a judgement call! Whats with the ???

Because it's obvious from my post I don't have a job. And I don't see the relevancy, but maybe I'm missing something??

Anyway, to make it clear, no I don't have a job, as such - I sell on ebay while ds is at school.

Ok so you know this is going to be an issue for you but you have plenty of time to sort things out befor ethe holidays so you will hopefully stay sane!.

Where does your mum go? Is there any option for ds or you both to go visit for a week wherever it is she goes?

There's no reason ds can't come on a walk with you. At 6 he can walk but probably not jog/brisk walk for the hour you are used too. So find a walk you can enjoy together which isn't so full on. Maybe something that gives you teh option to jog back and forth while he goes in a straight line (iykwim) so you are doing twice or more what he does.

Perhaps swap your routine from an hour at a time to two sessions of half an hour (morning and afternoon).

Do you have a park anywhere near you that has a gym trail? Ds can walk along and join in a bit while you can be a bit more active. If not is there a play park he can go in while you jog round the outside so you're still within distance of him.

Does he have a scooter? He could keep up with you better if he was scootering along with you though you'd have to stick to proper paths and pavements for your jog. You can get a reasonable scooter for around £15 brand new, so less if you look on ebay for second hand or post on freecycle now that you want one.

We've also been to the local canal and hired a row boat for £6. If you can afford it that's a great way to have fun excursion and exercise while you do it (rowing is hard work!)

There's loads of free stuff in our area in the holidays. Have you got a Kidz Around magazine in your area? Do the local council put on play or sports sessions in the holidays. Our local museum puts on stuff as do the library (there's always a summer reading challange at our local libraries). Keep a look out now and start asking as there will be stuff to do which is free or cheap and keeps his busy.

As your ds already goes swimming see if you can get any offers for you both to go. Our local pool does a family fun session which isn't too expensive for half an hour. And sometimes you get discount if you are on benefits.

Can you find a swingball game for the garden that you can do together but you can also do alone if he gets bored.

Or find some exercise dvd's you can do while he is about. Explain it's your time and you will be busy for half an hour and give him plenty to do while you are doing it.

Hopefully you can manage some of that stuff so you'll be better able to handle the full on ness of the rest and enjoy spending time together too.

It wasn't obvious from your post that you didn't have a job. If your child is 6 they must be in school all day ? So you do have quite a lot of time away from him.

If you did have a job you may be able to have more free time if you budgeted for holiday club during the holiday. Some people find this makes life easier. Alternatively, there are often a lot of free activities in the library museums etc which gives them somthing to do in the holidays.

I am too,i run out of ideas and energy and i think the summer hols are too long

I'll be honest - I'm gobsmacked.

You have one school aged old child, dont work, have an evening everyweek to attend a class and are dreading summer holidays because you wont have enough 'me' time! Sorry if this sounds harsh and I'm usually hugely sympathetic to lone parents, being one myself, but honestly, you do not have a problem unless there's something you arent saying. Do you suffer from depression?

Are you trying to get a job? I 'dread' summer hols because its a childcare nightmare and huge expense......I would love to have 6 weeks with my kids all day long.

Re the waking you up thing - Ds took to doing this for a while.
He now knows that if my door is shut he should simply go downstairs and watch tv or play quietly until I get up. If the door is oprn he can come in.

I also had to say that he could stay up later in the hols, but he has to play quietly in his room. So he goes up at 8 and lights go off at 9. Ideally he is in bed reading at 8.30 but I'm no so strict on that in the hols.

Hopefully if you wear him out he will sleep better (earlier and longer). Took ds to soft play yesterday, he crashed out when we got home and got up an hour later than normal too!

Yup sorry another lone parent who is less than sympathetic. School holidays are a nightmare for me because they are a childcare nightmare with one 3yr old and one 9yr old. You are very very lucky that (a) you can look after him and (b) you get to spend time with him.
Me time is a luxury as a parent never mind a lone parent.

I think people are being a bit judgey. OP already said that usually she is fine but that this is getting her down today. We all have days when something that we would probably normally handle fine gets to us and we find ourself stressing and upset.

People post here for support and advice. It's not AIBU. Just because your circumstances are different doesn't make her feelings tooday less valid or unjustifyable.

For some people it is more difficult,we are all different.

I like the structure that term time brings,i have 4 sons,my oldest is 18 so no trouble there,he keeps himself entertained.

But the other 3 are more of a challenge!! My 11 yr old practically lives at the skate park which is great but i like to be nearby when he's there incase he hurts himself or something.

The youngest 2 boys are 4 and 6,they are loud,boisturous and full of energy all the time (like most young boys) i find it hard looking after them day after day in the summer hols,i have no support apart from their dad has them for a few hours each week (i know that i am lucky with this).

Sorry,didn't mean to take over your op,just wanted to say that for some of us 6 weeks is hard,we are only human,all different and it's good to post about these things as there is some very constructive advice and ideas that can help (thanks Gillybean2)

I can understand the OP's feelings, I also only have one DS and had a lot of support from my parents too, but I also need a lot of time to myself. Just because other lone parents have even less support available, it doesn't make your concerns any less valid.

I made use of lots of local facilities - in our area we had various sports clubs, adventure playgrounds and youth clubs which were all free and I could just drop off DS and go off to do my own thing. For some other activities like library workshops I had to stay with him, but he would mostly be entertained by the staff so it was less demanding on me.

DS used to go to bed fairly late, especially in the holidays, which suited us better as I wouldn't have liked being woken early. He was quite good at entertaining himself - perhaps you can settle him with a DVD or other activity that he can do by himself.

I actually think that it can be helpful to have other people point out how lucky you actually are when you are feeling sorry for yourself. I don't think people meant to unkind.

Many people get up at six all summer put their kids into daycare and pick them up feed them and put them to bed. Not only do thay have to do this all summer but thier kids don't get a traditional school holiday. I would love to spend the summer with my children. I was bought up by a single parent and spent my summers alone at home whilst she worked.

It is very hard to look after a child all summer alone. However, some people here have more difficult situations to cope with. It make actually make the OP feel better to hear that. I hope

Bedtimes - stick to bed at 8pm up at 7am religiously
Exercise - your ds can walk with you/ you can go for a cycle /outdoor play etc
Me time - invite his friends round a lot and they will return the favour - you could also use this time to exercise
There are lots of free activities in the holidays - do some research and write a holiday plan - there are council run free play sessions on the recs every day in my town
TBH with one school age child and no job and an evening off a week you are used to hugely more "me time" than most mothers so I'm not suprised the hols come as a bit of a shock