Yet another exchange when you leave me feeling shell shocked and worthless. You chose to reduce the amount of time that you spend with your children again and expect them and me to just accept it. So that you can spend more time with her. We didn't chose any of this. You took our ability to chose away when you had an affair. It tears my heart out every time you drive away with the kids. I was born to be a mum and I love the kids so much it hurts. You have no idea how scary the prospect of having to spend more than 2 weeks away from my babies this summer is. I know that it has to happen, I know that you have 'rights', I know that I have to accept the fact that someday another woman will be part of their lives.
I know that you don't care about my feelings. I know that you don't care about the devastation that you have caused. I know that you don't think about the marriage vows that we made, and the stupid bloody hopes and dreams that lie shattered.
I know you blame me. I know that you couldn't cope with the changes that happened in our relationship when the kids came along. I know how useless you were when I needed help with them when they were tiny. I know how stupid I was when I let you hurt me. Again and again.
I am scared about how you being the way you are will affect the kids. I am so desperate for you to show some emotional intelliegence, some compassion and some tenderness.
But you won't. I've said all this to your face. I've written it down in emails. but it makes no difference.
So later on, when the children are asleep, I'll go to bed and cry a bit. Then I'll get up in the morning and get organised for work and school. Paint a smile on my face and keep my little family together.
And wait for the next blow that you strike.