Am I selfish to move to York?

[glocked]

Non biased opinions sought??I have been separated from x for 15 months.3 kids aged 17,10 and 2.All his.I live in a rented house in Sheffield which i've lived for 8 years.My ex lives part time in Nottingham with a friend and part time with new partner of 5 months in Chesterfield.He sees kids anytime he wants which is when it suits him.Only had 10 year old twice overnight.!7 year old isn't bothered.He doesn't take 10 and 2 year old out together.Only happened twice for less than 2 hours.He has told 10year old that if she doesn't go out with him and new partner he will have less time to spend with 10 year old.She doesn't want to see new partner and comes home angry that she has to spend the rare trips out with strangers she has no interest in.New partner has 3 kids.But I guess that's irrelevent.

To cut a long and boring story short 'The Facts'

'He has never been a hands on Dad.Never been one to have family outings etc.
Here I have no family in this area and little support.
My eldest wants to move college.
Non existent support from ex re childcare.
Will have to move house anyway as ex wants to cut maintenance.
Daughter starts secondary school in sept so need to move soon.(Hate to do it but she says it's ok and she makes friends easily)
Youngest not in school yet.
Family in York.
Better schools in York.
Better for students.
Not far for ex to travel to.
Can transfer from work no probs.
Ex will fight me every step of the way.Can he stop me?
Places available at schools and colleges in York.
Think ex plans to move in with new partner of 5 months.
Sorry this is a bit disjointed.I'm getting so much grief off ex I can't think straight.

He chose to leave.

Haven't a clue about the legal position on this but I think it sounds quite reasonable, especially if your kids are happy about this. (saying that, is your 10 year old definitely happy about this or is she just saying that because she wants to keep you happy?)
I don't know what I'd do without family around so can understand why you want to move. Will it be any further for ex to travel for contact? (My geographical knowledge of the north is a bit limited.)

My solicitor told me I have the right to move anywhere in the country. If you'll be happier and your DC will have a better life then move. You're not obstructing their dad from seeing them by moving are you, it'll just involve slightly more travel now. I'd move. Being near family is a big deal for me. Just to know they are there for the support incase u need them. Good luck xx

you can go where you like as can your ex. and personally i'd far rather live in york than sheffield as far as the cities go, and rural/outskirts of york are good too.
you also have plenty of good reasons for going - not to mention a fresh start/new life etc.
would agree about timing. if youre that serious get in touch with schools in your chosen area now, dont hang about.

oh, and i can recommend north yorkshire - i live here :o

oops - you asked for non biased

Well i would say move too and am sure it would be so much easier on 10 year old to do it now rather than in a year when they are settled at a new school with new friends.
I think having family around when you are a lone parent is invaluable, i moved back to village where my family live and where i was brought up when me and my ex split up (admittedly only 8 miles from where i used to live) and although i dont ask for their help a lot, just knowing they are close by is reassuring.
My brother lives in York and its a lovely city and if your ex really wants to see his kids he will make the effort wherever you live.

Good luck

OK, this is a subject close to my heart as I moved 100 miles away from my ex. The difference though is our kids had regular alternate weekend contact whilst yours don't.

So basically the facts are that YOU can move anywhere you please. He cannot stop you. The only thing he can do is get a prohibited steps order and argue that moving the kids is damaging them in some way (eg. school). Given your eldest is practically an adult and is going to college and your 10 year old is moving to secondary the chances of him winning this argument is pretty remote. It's a moot point for the 2 year old as he/she doesn't even have school!

Add to that the fact the wishes of the older kids and that moving schools in itself is a pretty poor argument for making you stay (many kids do it each year without trauma) then I suspect he's pretty screwed!

However....you must think about what his response will be once he finds out you are moving. The worst case is he presses ahead for a PSO anyway, in which case you have months of uncertainty. And if on the slim chance he manages to convince a judge, you are screwed.

He of course will probably also stop paying child support. Can you manage in York without his albeit reduced maintenace? Certainly you should plan as though you won't get it.

What I will say though is 15 months is not a long time to have split and don't rush into any hasty decisions. When I split with my GF, I desperately wanted to move home (ie. back 100 miles). In times of hardship we dream of going "home" where everybody knows your name....Once the dust settled though, i realised I was better off here, despite having no family support.

Thankyou for your replies everyone.Well I think my daughter does say yes to make me happy which makes me feel guilty but in the long run we'd be in a better place geographically and stability wise.
My sister lives there with her daughter and my parents will relocate their business which is family run to York so my Dad can retire and I can work there.My brother and family too, so we'll all be there eventually.I only moved and stayed in Sheffield because my ex wanted to.Now he's in Nottingham!!Only moans about petrol costs when he sees kids not when he drives to see his GF.So York isn't too much further.Now he'd have a triangle to travel not just there and back and the convienience of staying with her the night before he sees the kids will no longer be there.
He doesn't want to pay maintenance anyway as after paying voluntary payments he has found out that as a PHD student he isn't legally entitled to pay despite being able to earn £50 per hour lecturing.Which he hasn't done since we split(so he says) I suspect because he'd then need to pay more towards the children.He seems to really resent having to.Which is ironically the reason I started to seriously think of moving as I can't afford to stay here without it!!Now he is accusing me of blackmail as he believes i am do saying we'll move to make him carry on paying. I couldn't care less if he does.I'm past caring now and just want to get on with my life without him telling me what I can and can't do!!!

These parental responsibility agreements which I signed as we weren't married seem to give pemission for the absent parent to be a pain in the arse when they want their own way but has no comeback for the resident parent if the absent parent does F!!k all!!
PR
Permission to Refuse
Piss right Off
Pretty Rubbish

The list goes on.

Wish i'd never signed the bloody thing.Thought it was the right thing to do.I'd advise others not to bother.

Go where is best for you. He is going to let you all down anyway so you will be much better off all round with family close by

To be fair, PR agreements are more a symbollic gesture. He can easily get an order from court if he so wished. And nothing you are planning would alter should he not have PR. He can still take you to court.