WWYD - Ex H and DD invited to family wedding (his side)

[Meikyo]

ExH texted earlier to say he and DD (aged 8) are invited to his neice's wedding next month (DD's cousin). I am not invited - no problem with that.

However, I txted back to say that's fine, but I expect exH to ensure that DD has a decent outfit for the day and that she is nicely turned out, hair styled nicely etc. I work full time and am working on the day of the wedding so won't be able to do DD's hair (long hair, she likes it to be styled in some way for a party).

ExH is unemployed (has been for years) and pays nothing in child support. Nor has he ever bought DD so much as a pair of socks! I think he should pay for a decent outfit and shoes etc though for this wedding. Ex is always pleading poverty though!

I had this recently with my exH.

We went halves on the cost.

I have the outfits here but they will never be worn again

fistly,you should be getting £5 a week from him if he's on jsa

secondly,why punish your dd? he may not be able to get her anything decent,and she could end up feeling she looks a mess....poor girl.....send her with a party outfit as an alternative at least!

Bustersmummy, I might end up doing that in order that DD has something half decent and is not embarrassed! Might suggest ex H looks on ebay, as there are some nice "once worn" outfits on there.

Tilly,
The last thing I want is for DD to feel a mess/embarrassed so might end up doing something for her. I just feel exH should take some responsibilty for once!! No I don't get the £5 per week as exH has her one night a week.

Miekyo - it's a shame my DD is tiny - she's 9 wears age 6-7 or I'd post you her dress!

I got it FWIW from TKMaxx in the clearance bit for £4

Has she not got anything she could wear? Obviously it would be lovely if she had a new outfit but as Tillytulip says, if he's always skint he won't get her anything and she'll feel bad about herself. Plus I'm not sure this is a time to be making a stand about money? She has been invited somewhere nice, to spend time with her wider family - she may be meeting cousins etc she hasn't met before/seen much - it should be an exciting, positive day, not one that is sullied by tension between Mum and Dad about who is going to pay for what she wears.

Fair enough, battle with him to man up to provide for her generally, but not about this day?

As a matter of principle, I would want my ex to do the same thing in this situation but in reality I know it wouldn't happen. Also, do you trust his taste? Is he likely to consult DD? You don't want her ending up in something she feels uncomfortable with. Are there any family members on his side e.g. grandma who might be able to do her hair for her?

Surely she has an existing party dress that would be suitable for the occasion, I don't see why it's a big issue tbh

It seems like you are annoyed at the prospect of having to shell out for your DD to go and have a nice day with daddy while you work your nuts of to pay for it. And rightly so, this would rile me too!! But as others have said, it's not fair for your DD to pay the price of her dad's laziness so I would just bit the bullet and buy her something new. Wash and plait her hair the night before so she just has to take the plaits out and put a clip in on the morning of the wedding and off she goes.

She'll realise when she's older who paid for all her days out and pretty dresses but she doesnt need to know yet how useless her dad is.

P.s. I am so controlling and untrusting in my ex's taste that I would insist on supplying the dress for fear of his family commenting on how badly turned out she was... but thats just me

A nice dress out of Asda or similar doesn't have to cost a fortune.

I actually felt better knowing, like pickyourbrain, that I'd dressed them, done their hair and I knew they looked good.