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Original poster

ds's mini meltdown

5 replies

gemm30 · 09/05/2011 22:28

hi my ds is 9 and has not seen his dad since he was 3, We finally got back in contact last year (he now lives in greece) since then contact has been very patchy going weeks with out anything not even a text message then he will suddenely send my son some money and think that is o.k. Have had a horrible evening with my ds with a small dispute about getting in to the bath escalating in to a major meltdown for my son because i said i would take his phone away which he brought witht the money his dad sent him. He wont talk to me saying he doesnt want me to blame myself. I really dont know what to do. sad

OP posts:
Niceguy2 · 10/05/2011 01:38

Well first of all if you said it, you have to follow it through. The cardinal rule is to do ALWAYS what you say. If you give in once, your son will have found the chink in your armour and everytime you fall out, he'll pull the same stunt.

To be honest it doesn't matter who bought him the phone. If his behaviour justified it, then he loses the phone. Period. If you think you may have over punished him then what I sometimes do is set the condition for getting it back low.

If in the light of day I think I made a mistake then I admit it and return the phone. Kids should know adults can & will make mistakes too and will apologise to them. But not if they were misbehaving!

But lose it he must..because you've said it. The only question is for how long.

It sounds to me like he's just pushed your buttons and is playing on the fact you are senstive to his dad not being around for him. I'm sure in a day or two it will blow over if you don't allow him to use it to emotionally blackmail you.

Original poster
gemm30 · 10/05/2011 07:46

Thanks the phone has been taken away and he knows that i will follow through with it. What worried me the most was the force of the reaction when i even mentioned his dad he was so angry it was a little scary. I only mentioned dad by saying that he sent him the money but in my house he must follow my rules i didnt say anything derogatory about his dad as would never do that and never have.

OP posts:
hairylights · 10/05/2011 09:16

Can you avail if some counselling for him as it soumds like you suspect he may have underlying anger issues about his dad?

Original poster
gemm30 · 10/05/2011 13:35

Thank you so much for writing that hairylights i was thinking it but didnt no if i was overreacting. I wouldnt even know where to start on this route and am not sure if its even the right thing to do. I dont want it to fester but then i dont want him to feel that he has a problem its all so confusing and really not sure if i trust my own judgement.

OP posts:
hairylights · 10/05/2011 16:37

You're welcome. My advice would be go with your instincts. You're his mum and you know him best and you will know if somethings affecting him. Even an exploratory session where he's asked how he feels about his dad might help .

I don't know if you can go private but your gp surgery or ds school may be able to help.

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