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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Financial Settlement in divorce......please advise/help

17 replies

loulounz · 08/11/2005 15:53

Any thoughts please .............He's offered me:-

60/40 equity split
No pension
£600 pm maintenance He earns £30k+ I'm SAHM (at present) and would only earn approx £10k if return to work full-time and would obviously have childcare costs etc. Two children aged 3 & 1 Figures he's worked out enables him to buy a house and I have to move into rented accommodation now joint house is sold.

Is it worth fighting for more or does anyone know if this is a good deal?????????????????????????

OP posts:

LadySherlockofLGJ · 08/11/2005 15:57

What does your solicitor say, I am no au fait with settlements but it does not seem overly generous, or for that matter even fair.

Lasvegas · 08/11/2005 16:29

Assuming kids are his then you have pretty much the right to remain in marital home until youngest leaves school. At that point home sold and he gets his 40% of the equity. Courts usually come down any where between 60% and 70% in favour of parent who has kids living with them. So ask for 70/30 split u have nothing to loose.

But if you don't work I don't see how you will pay mortgage. Maybe re-mortgage and just pay interest not capital? I would urge you not to sell home as unlikely rent of a house in decent area will be any less than mortgage.

There is a risk that he will give you less than the £600 over the years. My ex started with £650 a month and it is now £212 a month (in course of 18 months it dropped). Reason was he stopped paying voluntarily and we used CSA and they have set formua. For 2 kids you get 25% of his net pay after pensions tax, NI. If I was you go for clean break, ask for all equity and less maintenace, a bird in hand etc.

I am about to get my decree absolute after 3 years of more or less representing myself so CAT me if you want specific help.

Original poster

loulounz · 08/11/2005 20:16

Dont see solicitor until end of week.

House is now sold - cannot afford to take it on myself, so I have no alternative but to live in rented! Doubt if I would be allowed a mortgage on peanuts!

Thought I would be entitled to some of his pension as well?

Lasvegas - my thoughts exactly about the reduction in maintenance payments! He has to pay 430 according to CSA and that is ALL he is paying me at present - think I may get the extra until something I do upsets him and then he will take it away again! Swears he wont reduce but time will tell and he has broken all other promises!

Trying to sort amicably without much success (has got very nasty at times) - everythings ok if I agree to what he wants! But one thing we do both agree on is we dont want hefty Solicitors bills etc, but cant seem to reach agreement ourselves.

OP posts:

LIZS · 08/11/2005 20:22

yes, you should be entitled to some of his pension but it can be complicated to get it split out (there is more than one option as to how to do it) and you need a solicitor to sort it out for you. Would £600pm really enable you to rent somewhere and pay , council tax , bills etc where you are ? Rent is often greater than a mortgage on the equivalent property.

chipkid · 08/11/2005 20:23

depending on the length of your marriage-you may be entitled to maintenance for yourself over and above what is awarded for the children (particularly given that you are not employed)
You may also be entitled to a share of his pension
please don't agree anything until you have seen a solicitor

Original poster

loulounz · 09/11/2005 21:25

Thanks for all your comments - very helpful.

One minute he's nice the next nasty and I do feel he's lulling me into a false sense of security and trying to manipulate me into thinking this is a good deal (although ladysherlock seems to agree?)

I am seeing my solicitor at end of week but as we can't agree between us I am worried that I will end up with very little after all costs have been paid and I need EVERY penny!

LIZS - no 600 wouldn't pay for everything! To survive I worked it out about double that! Looks like I may have to return to work full-time which I really didn't want to do as I don't feel ready to put my one year old in the care of someone else yet and I'm not sure I would be better off???

Chipkid - had heard about maintenance for myself but need to ask more about this. He's very clever though and has built up lots of debt to make himself hard up! (he has had enough money to clear all his debts recently, but has been (advised?)/chosen not to pay off his debt and conveniently dispose of surplus cash!)

OP posts:

LadySherlockofLGJ · 09/11/2005 21:27

I said it was not generous

ladymuck · 09/11/2005 21:33

How long have you been married. What were your relative salaries pre kids? How old are you?

60/40 looks a crap split given you will have the kids. Maintenance is always a hassle because you can end up getting caught by the CSA process. What is happening about access to the children - how often will they be staying with him?

LIZS · 09/11/2005 21:41

Think you could opt to go down a legal mediation route instead of endless solicitor's letters to and fro which may help keep the costs down. Whatever you agree you need it backed up by a court and to have a solicitor to fight your corner if needs be. If you haven't worked in a while you really need to claim on his pension and any savings.

Original poster

loulounz · 09/11/2005 22:05

Biggest apologies Ladysherlock - not feeling well and misread!! SORRY.

Ladymuck - married 12 years. He earns over 30k and I would earn approx 10k if I returned full-time. Having real problems settling dd's at night, especially after his visits so minimum contact at present with no overnights.

LIZS - he's refusing mediation unless I agree to his terms, says waste of time and that will cost too much as well!

Like I said, he's back to being nice to me at the minute and trying to manipulate me into thinking I'm getting a good deal and to feel sorry for him! Keeps telling me how hard up he is and that he needs somewhere to live - i.e. him a house, us in rented! Doesn't sound fair to me!

OP posts:

highlight · 10/11/2005 16:41

Get a spousal maintenance clause put in the final agreement even if it is for 10p per year then in future you can always go to the courts to increase it. In the long run the solicotrs fees mayy be worth it to you to get the best deal

ggglimpopo · 10/11/2005 16:57

Message withdrawn

Bozza · 10/11/2005 17:02

Sounds very wrong to me. At 30+K a year he is probably bringing home c. £1700 a month. And you are expected to live with two children on £600 while he gets £1100. Hmmm. Do bear in mind that you will also be entitled to benefits on top of the maintenance. In fact I'm sure a colleague told me that maintenance wasn't taken in to account when working out tax credits.

crunchie · 10/11/2005 17:07

Well a friend of mine gave his ex-wife 100% equity (profits after house was sold, about £120,000) so she had no claim on his pension. 50:50 is the usual split, so has he offered you 60% of equity in order to keep his pension? If so that is a bit much.

I don't know much about this sort of thing, but isn't mediation far far cheaper than lawyers?

CarolinaMoon · 10/11/2005 17:41

don't mediate without knowing your rights - you need to know what you could expect at a final hearing (i.e. if it went all the way to court) before you can even think about negotiating. Have you tried the CAB for a general idea?

Original poster

loulounz · 14/11/2005 19:07

Thanks for all your advice everyone.

I have a solicitor but not sure if she is good or not - don't seem to have achieved much in last few months, but then she hasn't had all the financial details from him yet so says it would be wrong to advise me until she does.

Will hopefully be moving soon and don't know whether to stick with same solicitor or find a new one where I'm moving to????? Will it cost me more going over all the stuff this one already knows? Or is it going to be harder dealing with this one only through letters/phone calls???

He's yet again gone off on one because I'm trying to sort out my new accommodation etc and he had to miss ONE of his access visits - told me to rearrange around him! I said NO this is my priority as I could have nowhere to live in a few weeks when the house is sold. He was yet again very harrassing/abusive etc, so I wouldn't be surprised if he declines his offer of 60/40!! We have gone from 95% to 70% to 60%!!! Every time he doesn't like something/doesn't get his own way he reduces - he's such a child! and has the cheek to ask me what I'm playing at, how low can I go etc. just because he couldn't see the dd's for one time!

Have tried CAB but after a VERY long wait, they weren't much help! Think it will just go straight to Court as he only wants to give me what he wants and no more and refuses mediation! I am scared that he comes away smiling like you say ggglimpopo - he's heavily in debt and is living with family (rent free). Have already been told that he will need enough to find himself a place to live as he cant be expected to live with family for long. Only trouble is there's not enough money to go round - so who will come off worse? I hope it's not me and the dd's!

OP posts:

Freckle · 14/11/2005 19:10

CAB won't be able to give an idea of what you can expect financially. They can tell you what will be considered and what you need to think about, but advisors are not legally trained. If you have a solicitor, stick with them as they are trained specifically to deal with this sort of thing, they know their judges and how they are likely to decide matters.

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