Well that's it then, officially. Not a penny left in the bank.

[LostInSockLand]

Very scared, totally fed up. I could have gone to see a friend tonight (Haven't been out since January and by that I don't mean out out, I mean visiting a friend), I can't even afford to get to her house. Sigh. Any funny threads someone could point me to?

'They eat what you give them or they starve. It's simple. '

But I don't think, Niceguy, that you would actually expect your 14 yr old to prefer starving to eating wet food. Some will. I made that mistake with mine, and was firmly told (by a paediatrician) to get rid of my principles and get some chocolate into my dangerously underweight, undernourished child.

Hey Niceguy get off your pedestal and offer some helpful advice or none at all.

Jesus, people are being really arsey about this. I'm sorry for that, OP. It sounds like a horrible situation which is not remotely your fault, probably caused by the political 'crackdown' on benefits. You do need to start appealing your case, but I know that must be a very stressful thing to have to do when you've already got so much stress.

Also wtf planet are you guys living on where you can just 'get a job'? I apply for at least one job a week (under no obligation as my youngest is still a baby), and despite a Camridge degree and a PhD, I am turned down for even basic lab tech jobs. That's how shit the economy is at the moment. No one is going to take people on flexibly when there are people so desperate that they'll work random hours from one week to the next. It's all very well to say apply for things, but if LISL can't work the hours they say, she's wasting her own time and the employers' time, so who is that good for? Guess some of you want to go back to the days of workhouses or something, do you?

Niceguy, you're not actually seeming particularly nice here. How about a namechange to 'judgementalpillock2'?

my son also SN also doesnt eat "wet" food but the basics of the meal can be same for all eg gluten free pasta (other child coeliac) for all - as main bulk of meal - then add sauce for those who can eat sauce.

but yes apply for DLA etc tho if his needs are mild and he has no statement of educaitonal needs be prepared to appeal

I think the situation is awful and yes you should be appealling the decisiona nd making a new claim.
Could you be depressed? as the lack of energy i am feeling in your posts reminds me of myself when i am at my lowest. If so see your gp for some help, counselling or even medication.
I do feel that you could ahve helped yourself a bit more by actually applying for jobs that you had seen in the paper, it may well have meant that you didn;t get the job or even an interview, but you would have been fulfilling the requirements of JSA. (i am speaking as someone who very recently had to claim benefits as a lone parent, I am still a lone parent but now working even though i hardly see my youngest dd as shes at nursery all day and hardly seem to see the other dc but the weekends help make up for it)

I don't think niceguy should be slated. everyone could just pile in and say how sorry they are to hear Op's situation, and they have. He was just offering a virtual kick up the bum.

Not an approach that will work all the time but that's what you get on an open forum... if you want 'yes' people then talk to people you know. I have friends in similar situations to that of op (not that I know half of the detail here) and their other friends will just nod and agree that "yes, life is very very unfair, it's not your fault, there's nothing you can do" and then go about their business.

The truth is that yes life is unfair and there are thousands of obstacles but they can and have been overcome by thousands before so I don't see any harm in having things pointed out like eg. the 7 year old needs to be at a more local school, they all need to be eating the same meal (with the 'wet' componant taken out for the SN child) the idiot at the job centre should be chased for their error etc etc.

Well i certainly didn't say "just get a job". But I'm trying to distinguish between "looking for a job" and "applying for a job".

The first is really easy. Anyone can say they are "looking for a job". Applying is different. Applying involves research, filling in forms, sending them & getting rejected. It would seem the latter is what the job centre want to see now.

Like I said, personally I don't think this is an onerous/unfair task for someone with two kids in full time education to do. If it were me, I'd be sending letters off willy nilly. Trainee astronaut, check. CEO of Royal Bank of Scotland, check. Turn up at the next "interview" with a gaggle of letters saying "Sorry but you are not successful". I exaggerate a little but at least you have hard solid proof you've tried. Bear in mind that the "adviser's" will be seeing a stream of people who are "looking for work" many of whom won't be in reality. So they have to figure out who's taking the piss and who isn't. They are human so mistakes will be made. So who looks like a better target. Someone who comes in saying they're looking for work with no proof or the person who has a pile of rejection letters in their hands and a list of all jobs they've applied for?

I don't see why the above makes me judgemental. Plus my point is why isnt OP making a fuss over it if she's been hard done to? I'd be appealing. We're not talking chump change here but the bare minimum the state gives out in welfare.

As for starving them, i am NOT starving them. I always make sure a meal is on the table. It's on the whole healthy. if they eat it, they even get a dessert. It's then up to them if they eat it. I am NOT starving them. If they choose not to eat it, they are starving themselves! By fannying around cooking dinners for each child to suit their needs, not only are you making a rod for your own back, you are spoiling them for the future. Children need to learn that the world doesn't revolve around their needs.

I was a single parent for years. I picked myself up from the ground and worked my arse off for nearly a decade, working full time and raising my kids. One of the biggest lessons i learned over that time is that sometimes you don't always get to choose what you want. Life deals you a shit hand and you have to compromise what you think your kids deserve for what you can actually deliver.

I didn't want this to turn into a big debate!

Hotchpotch yes, I'm already on medication for depression and anxiety, all of this has been very confusing and incredibly stressful. A few people here think I haven't been trying hard enough and that's ok, you're entitled to your opinion but I genuinely didn't see the point in applying for jobs I wouldn't be able to do due to hours or distance and perhaps that's where i've gone wrong....I didn't tick all the boxes. I had detailed jobsearches as evidence, that was about it. I obviously have applied for jobs but I don't see many that allow a later start.

I absolutely wont compromise on my dd's school. She's a really bright little girl with excellent reports, there's no way i'm changing her to a school where she's likely to be bullied and the homework for an eight year old consists of "colour in the shells on this beach". (Yes, i've seen it with my own eyes). I'm trying to do the best for my kids!

Anyway, as I said I really didn't want a debate...i'm already feeling pretty fragile. I wasn't looking for posts and posts full of sympathy when I started this thread, I was feeling down and just looking for someone to chat to really. Having said that, i'm obviously grateful for the helpful posts so thanks for those. Could we possibly draw a line under this now before it turns into a bunfight, i'd really appreciate it .

Life deals you a shit hand and you have to compromise what you think your kids deserve for what you can actually deliver Soooooooo true.

My sister and I were wrapped in cotton wool until we were 11 and 14 respectively, then our parents split. I remember my mum having a breakdown one day because she couldnt take my sister to school as her work had asked her to start early. We both said she was mad and that was that, neither of us had a lift anywhere ever again (damn it!) We are both confident and succesful adults and in all honestly were pretty bratty, spoilt kids until that point. Removing the silver spoon and un-wrapping the cotton wool broke my mum's heart but she had to get real.

i also agree that applying for jobs doesnt hurt and that until you do you have no idea if the hours are flexible.

Are you following up on applications lostin ? I have been trying to recruit for my team before now and not had a minute to look at the applicants. If someone sent me their CV and then followed up with an articulate, confident phone call explaining that they had researched my company and had a great deal to offer me because of x, y, z but they had to start half an hour late and could make up the time in their lunch hour - I'd be overjoyed that i could just have them and not look through reams and reams of CV from people who arent even entitled to work in the UK!

The curriculum is standard, maybe the homework you saw was chosen because that child was less able than your DD?

Oops X posts.

Line drawn.

op- applying for jobs while obviously not worthwhile as yoiu know you won;t get a reply, can;t do the job etc is a form of jumping through hoops for the job centre. Yes you maye regard it as pointless but its what they want and if it gets you the cash you need and are entitled to then so be it. thats what i mean by my comments not that i agree with what the jc say to you.

apologies for appalling typing but sneaking in mn on breaks at work etc

Thanks both but I dont think i'll be reapplying, i'd rather try to budget with what i've got than sit having panic attacks over whether i'll be short this week etc...I honestly cant deal with the sress.

And now can we draw that line please ------------------------

Pickyourbrain, you seem to have had a similar childhood to mine. I was a spoilt little git until I was about 14 when my dad fucked off leaving my mum in debt with some dodgy loansharks. From then I had to work practically every night til 10pm, midnight at weekends in the family business until I was 18.
It was hard but it taught me responsibility and the value of money.

OP, the problem is you are applying for jobs which you think YOU are suitable for. Understandable but that's NOT what the job centre expect. They expect (rightly or wrongly) for you to be applying for everything. So if that's what they want, why not just do it?

Look at it another way. If someone came to you now and said "If you send 2 random letters out a day and collect the replies. In return I'll give you £66 a week and housing benefit", what would you say?

Sounds like we did Niceguy. It has in fact taught me not to spoil my dd even though I could. I'd rather she learned to fend for hersefl and if the shit hits the fan for me she'll be prepared!

P.s. I'd send out two letters and collate the responses for £66 a week.. you offering?!

So I could do that, apply for just anything. What happens IF I get an interview? I have to spend money on transport to that interview only to tell them I can't physically do the hours they require or I dont have the experience or qualifications they require, then I get myself a bad name with local employers for wasting their time! What a great idea.

Now can we please leave it? I have asked three times

Sure let's leave it there but believe it or not I am only trying to help.

Hide the thread, that way people can still discuss the topic you started if they wish.

I know you are only trying to help Niceguy (with whatever kick arse tactics you use), I have thanked everyone for their help already but I explained why I started the thread and it was not for a debate...why should I have to hide my own thread? If you two want to debate the issue then there's nothing stopping you but i've politely asked if we could refrain from doing it here. If i'm not claiming then i'm not hurting anyone am I end of?

You had to have the last word in some imaginary argument with a biscuit emoticon. I wonder why you would feel the need to do that, not being a bratty spoilt child anymore (your own words not mine).

I bring my children up to respect other people's feelings and i'm proud to say they do.

I couldnt think of another way to respond.. in your previous two posts you posed a question... (which would suggest that you were canvassing opinion)then asked people to stop talking about the subject... You continued to give your opinion (and asked questions) then asked people not to respond... A think a biscuit was quite fitting.

And I may come across as a spoilt brat but with respect I am not the one complaining about having no money, yet refusing to apply for a job

How can I apply for a job that I can't do? Ffs have you listened to anything i've said? Yes, I asked if we could drop it because this is exactly what I DIDN'T want to happen but people are still asking ME questions. What exactly do you want from me? Do you not think i've suffered enough? End of the day, i'm not taking any more of your precious tax payers money so why wont you just fucking drop it? Is your life so sad that you have to kick someone who is already in the gutter. Congratulations. Job well done (ironic). Keep showing yourself up if you want to, it cant really make MY life much worse. You seem to think having a shite childhood gives you the right to dish out a nice serving of tough love to everyone else, well yours was a walk in the park compared to mine but I dont use it as an excuse to treat other people like shit. Why oh why cant you give it a rest? More questions...I do apologise.

Wow, just wow.

Look, no one wanted to upset you. Everyone offered you constructive advice. Which you resonded to, often with hostility. You argued your point in quite a strong way and then asked if people would drop the subject. That's like demanding to have the last word. If you want to draw a line under something you need to just say "please draw a line under this" not "but i disagree with you, you're wrong, why don't you agree with me? I am right - but please don't respond"

That is weird. And I don't know why you think I had a shit childhood

I am genuinely sorry you have no money. And beleive me I take no enjoyment in seeing other people upset. I told you that I recruit staff, and that even if I advertised for an 8am start, I would take someone who had to start at 8.30.. That is advice. But you say you won't apply for jobs because "what if you got an interview".

I havent asked you nay questions so please don't respond unless you wish to continue the conversation.

I wish you and your kids the best of luck.