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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Do you think housing association will think this is a good enough reason to re-home us outside of the area we live in now?

9 replies

Tortoise · 06/05/2011 21:29

As some will know, xp2 was physically and emotionally abusive to my DS1.
XP2 now lives about 6 miles away but has 2 other children living in the same town as me and picks them up every weekend.
I live in fear of bumping into him in town and worry about DS1 seeing him as although he was removed from my property by courts 5 yrs ago i know DS1 would be scared. Last time i saw him in town, i felt panicky and ran into a shop dragging DDs in with me!

Also DS1 rarely goes out outside school hours. And he only goes out if i ask him to pop to the shops for me. One of the things XP said to him was that he would come and get him when he is older. Whether this has played on his mind hence why he doesn't go out, i don't know. I want him to feel free to go out when he wants to without worry (if he does worry)

Now today has really upset me and i really want to move away from this area so i don't have to worry any more. I had planned to take my 4 dc to a local fun day next weekend but today i found out he and his dp are taking his other 2 dc to this fun day which means i have had to tell my dc we can't go.

Do you think, if i rang my HA, they would help me get re-housed somewhere away from here? Is this good enough reason?

This is my last chance because DS1 starts yr 10 secondary in September and DS2 starts secondary school in September.

Sorry for long ramble. Any advice would be great.

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crystalglasses · 06/05/2011 21:38

I think it is a very valid reason. However, depending where you live (eg if it is in London), appropriate suitable housing may not be available and you may have to wait sometime for a vacancy. Speak to your housing association and see what they have to say.

belleshell · 06/05/2011 21:40

You and the kids cant live like that.......... i too think it is a totally valid reason.....You can only ask.

Good Luck
x

Original poster

Tortoise · 06/05/2011 21:43

Thanks.
Im in Somerset, would like to go to Devon. Can't go too far as DS's need to see their Dad.
I am on a housing swap website, hoping someone may want to move here and do a swap. One possible one at the moment but very early days at the moment.

OP posts:

SimpleSingleDad · 06/05/2011 23:09

I hope you're comfy with a glass of wine, cos you know by now there's bad news coming in this post.

I'm a housing officer for a council, and I'm sorry, but as sympathetic as we would be to your situation, we wouldn't transfer you for that reason and circumstances.

We would say do the homeswapper / mutual exchange thing, as the other matters are more police / criminal jurisdiction until such time as there is a clear and present danger.

That clear and present danger would be evidenced by police reports, and possibly other reports / info from other agencies.

We might then be able to do a direct let, but they are (very) few and far between.

That said, you can but ask your HA. I hope they can help, and again, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

GypsyMoth · 06/05/2011 23:13

was going to say similiar to simplesingledad.....

homeswapper.........been looking myself. need a bigger place,bidding,but seem tpo come in at no 23/24/25 every time!

SimpleSingleDad · 06/05/2011 23:15

Just thought - tell your HA your situation, it's best they know your circumstances, even if they can't do anything to help.

Original poster

Tortoise · 10/05/2011 10:14

Thanks for info.
Will maybe trying ringing just to see what they say. I don't like talking about it so would have to psych myself up to ring!

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 10/05/2011 11:41

i do understand not wanting to see him - have been tehre - but - if it is a fun day and in public space the likelihood of xp actually harming any of you is very low. you can make sure you always in full public view. xp is unlikely to do antyhing in front of all the witnesses. also ask a friend to be with you adn DC teh whole day. you shoudl not ahve to give up this outing because of xp - in public he is unlikely to do anything.

you could also make sure friend you take has video camera running all the time too . and mobile phone fully charged to call police if needs be. there WILL be witnesses it wil be public place so the fears shoudl be lessened.

i think maybe sit with DC and rationalise your fears - if is public place then IF anything should happen there will be witnesses and xp will get in trouble. more likely is xp will behave and in a fun day you can easily avoid him go off to another ride or whatever.

there is a way round these fears and to keep safe by keepign in public arena, taking a friend with you etc. why should your Dc miss out? you cant move jsut yet so you need to find a way thru some of the fears and build safety planning into your outings..

Original poster

Tortoise · 10/05/2011 11:52

Thanks cestlavie. I don't think my worry is that he would do or say anything but I do think DS1 would be scared about the chance we may see him and it is a small event so good chance we would bump into him. Also DDs would want to speak to their dad and that would be difficult. I just can't face going now. Will take them to the park or something instead as event is in another town.

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