My teenage daughter has gone to live with my narcisstic X

[freedomatacost]

Hope u can help. After two years of hell going through Family Court, my fourteen year old daughter is now living full time with her father. He is violent and still succeeding in hurting me by brain washing our kids. The Court tried to keep her with me but when she was it was terrible and she kept going back to her dads. He has told her that I love my younger daughter (10) more than her (in fact it is he that wants the older daughter - who looks like him, and not the younger daughter). I feel I have let her down but her behaviour was so bad and I was getting ill. She won't talk to me what should I do?

What do you want to do?

tbh, you sound rather stressed to say the least. Do you have any rl support? Have you considered counselling - MIND do free, open ended counselling, or your GP may be able to help?

Other than that, all you can do is play the long game and hope that in time your 14 yr old DD sees your ex as you see him.

i would say at 14 and most likely hormonal your daughter is very vulnable and your x is taking advantage. right now your x will be on his best behaviour but i doubt very much it will last eventually your daughter will see his true colours.

if i was in your situation as much as it must hurt you have to stand back and allow your daughter to find out for herself,if you try to stop her living with her dad she will only rebel.make it clear that she is loved and will always be welcome home keep access open on your daughters terms and do not bad mouth her dad.good luck.

Even if you think she has been brainwashed, is vulnerable, or whatever, at 14 you have to show some level of respect for her wishes and feelings. If you had posted that at 14 she had decided not to see her Dad at all, you would have had plenty of posts telling you to support her and not force her etc. At the moment she may be reacting to the feeling of being 'forced' by the courts into living with you, and she has voted with her feet, but now things are settled, she may well, as pinkstarlight says, begin to see some of her Dad's failings.

The most important priority is to try to repair your relationship with her and keep her relationship with her sister going - do the two of them see each other and your younger daughter see Dad? Stay as involved as you can - make sure you stay in contact with her school, for example. Get help and support to recover your own health. If she won't talk to you on the phone, perhaps you could re-establish communication via letter? Keep it low-key and pleasant, don't rehash the past, just make it clear you love her and would welcome communication on her terms.

Thxs for the advice and support it is all helping me. I just find it so hard to understand - how she could be turned against me. I am trying to step back. I feel sorry for her being with him and the pressure of all his attention. I know I have to try and take some of the emotion out and difuse the situation.
Thxs again