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Lone parents

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Original poster

Has anyone left while pregnant or soon after birth?

20 replies

Bearslikehoneyintheirtummy · 30/04/2011 20:56

As the title asks. How did you find it?
Did you get any help - financially or emotionally?
Do you feel it was the right decision or maybe you should have stayed until an easier time?
Do you have any other children that you took with you?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bearslikehoneyintheirtummy · 30/04/2011 20:57

ps : I meant to say really from a marriage.......

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baskingseals · 30/04/2011 21:04

not from a marriage no.
dd's biological father stopped answering my calls when i was about 5mths pregnant. so it wasn't my choice.

it was bloody bloody hard. dd was born early and ill. desperate times. but, he was and presumably still is an absolute low life wank stain, and i wouldn't want him within a million mile radius of dd. she has never met him, she's now 9.

definitely better off without him - NO question.

Original poster
Bearslikehoneyintheirtummy · 30/04/2011 21:13

Thanks basking. Sorry to hear that, he defoinately sounds like a rat!
I just said marriage as I am not sure what it entails with all the getting separated/divorced ect but thats just another side to it.

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baskingseals · 30/04/2011 21:19

bears i've been on both sides of the fence, and i truly say to you it is easier to do it alone than to be with somebody who doesn't allow you to be yourself.

if i were in your position the first thing i would do is contact citizen's advice.
they are brilliant.
fwiw my thoughts are with you.

Newbabynewmum · 30/04/2011 21:24

I left when my daughter was two months - not from a marriage though, sorry.

If you want to leave though then don't let things stop you. Money etc can be worked out and hopefully like in my situation a lot of friends and family have stepped up to help :)

BluddyMoFo · 30/04/2011 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Bearslikehoneyintheirtummy · 30/04/2011 21:32

Thanks Seals. I appreciate it.
Newbaby thanks, did you find actually deciding to do it hard though.
I have written a thread about my situation in relationships. I am not in any physical danger or anything and I could wait it out if need be, but I guess its a difficult decision to take on. I am pretty sure the marriage is not going anywhere now but I am wondering if I need to stay around until after the baby is born or even for a little while afterwards. I find it all pretty daunting.

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Original poster
Bearslikehoneyintheirtummy · 30/04/2011 21:34

omg bluddy! ..... that would have been been a few years ago but now I don't have any will power about me! Good for you though! Must have been hard at the time.

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baskingseals · 30/04/2011 21:41

how many months pregnant are you?
how many children do you have?

it is daunting. what is your day to day life like?

BluddyMoFo · 30/04/2011 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Newbabynewmum · 30/04/2011 21:43

Once I'd made my decision it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I was in a fairly horrible relationship & when the mist eventually cleared and I realised how awful my EX was leaving was ok.

As with Bluddy I left in the middle of the night with my 2mo DD and a full car. I lived out of a suitcase for about 4months but now we have our own house.

Best decision I ever made. I feel like a new person. And I am certain my DD is having a better life.

Whatever your reasons if you want to leave it is not as hard as people make out. I'm not saying it's not hard because it is. But in the main part it's amazing, well for me anyway!

Good luck with your decision. I'm 100% sure you could handle anything on your own. Having your baby might make things a lot clearer for you. But, honestly, you will handle it and be a brilliant mum I'm sure x

Original poster
Bearslikehoneyintheirtummy · 30/04/2011 21:49

basking, I have one 18 months at the moment and am nearly 4 months.
My day to day life is extremely boring now. We live in the big apple and I literally dont know anyone here as we moved not long ago so I dont have any social life. I basically clean,look after DD and cook!
Having said that before I met OH I used to travel alot and could deal with change quite well. I have lost that carefree way about me though and I guess I find it an immense task ahead of me.
I understand bluddy and you must have acted on your baby's behalf. Thats a pretty responsible hard thing to do.

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orangehead · 30/04/2011 21:57

Not my choice exh left 1 week before ds2 born and when ds1 was 16 months old. At first it was horrible I was so scared, didnt know how I would cope emotionally, fiancially anything. It was all so unknown I really didnt know what I was going to do. But after a while and I got my 'plan' (cab were very useful for fiancial side) it was better doing it alone, despite its problems, than being in a abusive horrible relationship. I finally started to grow my confidence back, I never realised it was so low whilst I was with him. I would never go back and change him leaving even if I could

baskingseals · 30/04/2011 22:08

have you got any friends around?
sorry to be fick, but are you english living in New York?
if you did leave would you come back to the uk?

when i was on my own with dd, my sister and 2 or 3 friends were fantastic, i think you will need support.

millie30 · 30/04/2011 22:17

I left when my DS was 4 weeks old. It was hard but the situation was so awful I had no choice. I waited until he'd gone out and then rang the police who took me to a refuge. I have never regretted leaving, and would far rather be a lone parent than still trapped in that relationship.

Original poster
Bearslikehoneyintheirtummy · 30/04/2011 22:23

basking, No, I'm not in NY although I wish I were!! :)
I dont have any friends around here where I live. (literally!) We moved not long ago and I find it quite hard meeting new people as I dont really get out without DD.
I know my family would help out but because they live quite a long way from us now it would mean me moving to be nearer to them. Must have been bad for you millie to get police involved - why are they such bastards when young children are involved?!

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millie30 · 30/04/2011 22:28

Yes it was awful! He sees DS once a month for 2 hours supervised one to one with a professional but it is not going well, and it is nearly 3 years down the line. Sometimes I wonder what on earth a father has to do for the courts to say enough is enough!

baskingseals · 30/04/2011 22:31

bears, i really wish you the best. it is your decision to make. you will need friends though. but you will feel clean and free and powerful. it's lovely.

TheSecondComing · 30/04/2011 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Bearslikehoneyintheirtummy · 30/04/2011 22:36

I miss feeling like that basking! I need to take one step at a time but I am trying to start and make some kind of aplan.
Millie, I think OH would actually miss my dd and she him but he has had enough time he could have spent with her since she was born and has chosen not to, that I cant do anything about.

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