controlling ex partner, what to do next?

[shelbell]

im new to this so please figure any rookie mistakes I may make. Was in 14 year relationship, have DD aged 9. split up with ex approx 1 year ago because relationship had broken down due to him having addiction problem, he went to rehab and bacame clean for last 2 years of r/ship but damage had already been done, and in addition despite bcoming clean he was still very selfish and crap partner. after much soul searching i ended it due to continuing depression due to the situation. 1 year on he still being controlling, refusing to stick to any agreements we come to regarding him spending time with DD, he says its because as recovering addict he unable to make plans and must live life one day at time. this affecting DD as she blames me and he also saying inappropriate things to her. real reason he not sticking to access arrangements is he trying to control free time that i have as he supects i have new partner - which i do but have kept this quiet as i feel he doesnt have any right to know, plus DD not ready for this. new partner is amazing and treats me like princess but we spend very little time together due to ex mucking up arrangements therefore i have very little free time. was doing really well for past year, had few ups and downs emotionally, but for past week or so have felt very depressed again for following reasons:

not sure what to do next about access for DD and her dad, want her to spend time with him as she adores him, but not if detrimental to her, and reluctant to go down legal route and feel it will have little impact on what he does

Worried about my relationship with DD, she been very resentful towards me at times, we are very close but scared i will lose her

Not sure if new relationship got any chance, and now also starting to doubt feelings for new partner and wondering if it was just rebound or if the depression im feeling at the moment is just affecting everything

any advice would be appreciated, thank you.

oops should say 'FORGIVE' not figure..

He is attempting - and succeeding, at the moment - to control you via his behaviour, as you have identified. Long term, his behaviour will negatively affect your daughter, even though she has an idealised view of him at the moment.
You do really need to put some boundaries around this contact, one way or another. Regular contact times, at specified pre-arranged times, and if he misses it - tough. Your daughter will benefit from this approach in the long run, too. It is no good emotionally for her for things to chop and change as they are now.
You deserve to have a life, and not to have it controlled by your ex.
Put a strict contact plan into place, and if he doesn't stick to it you will have to go down the legal route I'm afraid. He will HAVE to stick to it then if he wants to see his daughter.
He is taking advantage of you. if you stand up to him, he will not be able to. Take the power back.

Thanks Selks. I have attempted to put plan into place but he normally doesnt stick to it, for example calling at the last minute to say he isnt well; hes forgotton that it was his weekend for her to stay etc etc. She hasnt stayed overnight for 4 weeks, its supposed to be every other weekend.

This mornings excuse was that his boiler was on the blink so had to wait for an engineer so she couldnt come over in the day and it probably wouldnt be fixed so she wouldnt be able to stay night either, but just called me back 10 mins ago and said that it is now fixed and she can stay overnight if she wants, and if i refuse daughter then thinks i am being unflexible and stopping her from seeing her daddy! so ive said she can go, he picking her up at 4pm but it also means that my saturday has been wasted (his intention i guess...)! and he will also call me up at the last minute at random times asking to see her, example 2 days ago calling at 6 pm on a school night asking can her take her shopping so she can buy me a birthday gift the night before my birthday (he had seen her 2 days beforehand!). I have tried explaining that children needs stability and routine, but he refuses to comply. so frustrating, think i will have to seek legal advice as a first call anyway soon. such a shame that he being such an idiot when I am attempting to be cooperative. just dont know how to shake this depression off and keep moving forwards.

Thanks again :)