Ex engaged and blissfully happy, I am on shelf...

[Mummalish]

Why does it bother me so? I feel so bitter and angry. He is having the time of his life, all loved up and happy. I am a miserable old cow, just so unhappy. Lonely and just sad.

I know I shouldn't worry about him, but feels so wrong somehow.

I don't want to be so lonely, just feel incredibly sad.

I have had moments of feeling ok, but it's rubbish at the moment.

How do I feel better?

do you actually feel lonely?

Or are you mistaking a bit of melancholy and wishful thinking about the ideal scenario that we are drip fed all through childhood.

feeling let down that it is not you who in this situation as you feel you really should be.

do you wish it was you who was engaged/married.

there must be some good things you enjoy about being single.

make a wee list on here. focus on them.

i'll help you start... surely you must enjoy not have to run any decision you make past someone else

and being able to wear pj's all day if you want a pj day.

not have to keep putting the toilet seat back down before you go for a pee

you feelk beter by getting active and involved in stuff
not wallowing
not bigging him up as best thing ever

get a haircut and colour

meet your pals

do some browse shopping online and in shops

stroll around the make up counters get some samples (boots and frasers are always good), have a free make over

if you feel lonely, meet your pals, join a library book group, go to gym, arrange a work nigt out - things with people in proximity

most of all dont dwell anymore

hes made his choices time you move on too

Don't be bitter it will eat YOU up. Wish him well and fill your life with things that make you happy.

Make eye contact and smile at men, there's nothing like a smile to cheer up your day!

And believe you will meet someone! I always tell myself it just means that there is someone better out there and I do actually believe it...

give yourself time to recover, its ok to feel sad but allow yourself to feel what you feeling.

try understanding your feelings and why you feeling like that, perhaps try reading, good book is 'Rebuilding - when your relationships ends' you can get it online, helps you to understand different phases of recovery. i was in different situation to you as i ended a 14 year relationship but it really helped me :)

Good luck.

Thanks everyone...

I think it may be the combination of all the bank holidays, the Royal Wedding, Easter etc, that just drives home that I am not spending time with someone as a family, and it's just me.

I must remember why the relationship didn't work in the first place, it's so easy to forget those things.

I do so hope I will be in the position to be showing off my engagement ring, and be in love with someone. Hope it happens, am sure it will.

Must keep busy...

It's awful and I've been there but it doesn't last. Other people lives always seem so much brighter when we're not happy with our own.

Try not to think too much about what he's doing but instead make plans in your own life. Pack it as full as possible - a holiday / a pampering session without kids /meeting up with old friends / a day picnic somewhere nice - anything that you can look forward to in a little or large way.

If you have time off from your LO I'd consider joining an organisation like Spice, great for meeting new people and trying new hobbies.

It does get better, I wouldn't have it any other way nowadays.

dont pursue being engaged as a goal.relax.be happy.content in yourself
and when you meet another man you may,or may not marry.
its the relationship and connection that is what is important important.not just a ring

You are right. For now I want to feel content and not so insanely jealous and bitter.

Will work on that.

O god its horrible, you have my absolute sympathy, nothing has given me more pain in my life than fantasising about the wonderful excitement packed life my ex is leading since he left me.

BUT that is all they are - fantasies. The reality is that I know nothing about his life, and my imaginings just make me feel awful. It is hard to stop but I echo all the advice about getting out and seeing friends; an evening with people I cared about and who cared about me would be the quickest thing to get me back to normal.

I think it is the AA saying - never compare your insides with somebody elses outsides. My dad had a similar favourite saying; you never see the torn lining of another man's coat.

You have no idea whether or not he is loved up or blissful - he might be spreading that message but it could be complete rubbish. People are very good at projecting an image of happiness and success when inside, they are in turmoil.

But whether he is happy or not is no longer any of your concern. Please try not to dwell on it and I hope it gets better in time. After three years, I still have twinges, but they are definitely less frequent and less intense than they were and I hope in time to do away with them entirely.

spot on spero.the projection and fantasy if someone else perfect life is easy to slip into.and we all do it time to time.just you are raw at the mo,so more susceptible to it

and lets face it,if it had been such a smashing meant to be relationship you wouldn't have broken up

another way of looking at this is you now know your self in ways you didn't before,and this experience as rotten as it is will shape you

so dust self down, and stroll on

Hi, sorry you are down. Bank holidays are a bit of a bummer for the LP (all those happy family stereotypes trawled out)

Look, your X may indeed have found the woman of his dreams on the other hand, he may have cast around wildly for a replacement drudge and think he is sorted but the same problems will rear up again in his new relationship if he doesn't understand why your marriage failed.

You, on the other hand, have got some breathing space, some time to think about what you want and if someone nice comes along then you will be in a stronger healthier position to make a new relationship which actually works.

All that said, I know there's huge disapproval of women being on their own (as Friday's events testify - apparently we all want to find our prince ) and a lot of prejudice about (so-called) older women being desperate for a man, any man. But just because the prejudices exist doesn't mean we have to fulfill them.

Screw him (not literally ), hold your head high and get on with your life.

I was in this position until recently as my ex was engaged and I was single (they have now split and I am still single btw!!) I was incredibly jealous of their happiness as I couldn't understand how he could have moved on and found somebody after treating me so badly etc etc. As my mum said, it was always going to be easier for him to find someone as he didn't have the responsibility of our DS. He didn't have to stay in every night unable to meet new people. As it turned out they split up for almost the exact same reasons that we split up so the relationship wasn't as loved up and happy as it appeared from the outside. I am now good friends with his ex fiancee and she is mum to my DS's sister. Funny how things turn out!!

Things aren't always as they seem from the outside OP, he may not be having the "time of his life". People often only show what they want others to see. I hope you start to feel better soon x

Bank holiday is nearly over!! hope you are feeling better.

Not sure how long since the breakup? but I bet at some stage you will look back on this period as being happy, weird as that might seem now.

What have you learned about yourself since the split? What would you do differently now? If you know these answers you're likely to feel confident about a new relationship and somehow that confidence shines for others to see.

I split from my ex, spent time alone and my ex went on to have another relationship very quickly. I did feel at times that life was passing me by but in some others ways I also knew I wasn't yet emotional healed, not just the relationship but also childhood issues. I had some poor relationships inbetween and eventually I went for a few counselling sessions and not long after I met DH. Not a coincidence I think!
It has felt like I needed that time alone, I had actually met DH earlier but failed to spot him, as I was still looking for types like my ex. Once we got together we took things slowly and many years later still very happy. Our exs who rushed onto new partners haven't found stability yet.

Good Luck

Completely agree.

My ex moved on with someone else within three months. They have now split up twice, got back together, may well have split up again, I am really trying to stop counting or be interested.

It was impossible for him to have dealt with the reasons why we split up in three months. We both had problems we needed to deal with. He has taken the head in the sand, leap into another relationship approach which is just doomed for all concerned.

Try and feel sorry for him, if that helps.