I've just realise I don't miss him, I think I'm lonely.

[bananasinpyjamas]

I had a realization today. I split from my ex - or rather he split with me - in Sept last year. My ds, who is autistic, had just become poorly and my ex got engaged in Nov. I've had a lot to work through and been through a lot of ups and downs, quite a lot of downs. I've also had to take time off from work to support my ds with his treatment. He has home school at the moment and I'm only just reintroducing him to school.
I realized today why I feel so shit, I thought it might be because I was jealous or missed my ex but I'm remembering that there were rather a lot of unpleasant times in that relationship so not unhappy to let it go. I think I feel shit because I'm lonely.
I have got friends but having an autistic ds and being a single mum seems to make it very difficult to go out that's assuming you have the motivation in the first place. Sparkling conversation seems to have dried up at the moment.
I'm not talking about getting a new man, not ready for that but how do you rebuild your life after the big split when you don't seem to be able to leave the house and if you do its certainly not without my ds!!!

I'm the same,i'm glad i am single but the adjustment is hard and i am thinking about my future all the time,will i be alone forever now? will i ever be able to have my own home (very doubtful).

I have no friends,lots of people i know but no real friends,i have my sons but they are growing up and i can see me being lonely forever,it's hard also because i actually prefer being on my own,i really don't get on with people that well!! bit of a loner but that doesn't mean i don't feel lonely,am i making any sence? prob not!!

big hugs to you,you are not alone x

Makes sense to me!! I like living on my own with my ds but I don't want to be lonely. Do people fill their time with going to yoga and groups. Don't know how to do it really.
I was relieved to hear from you refmum, is good to know I'm not the only one! x

You're not the only one. It's really hard to get past the loneliness of parenting in isolation. I found one of the hardest things was to admit it (which you've already done). I am sometimes ok and sometimes desperately lonely. It's so hard sometimes.

Yep, its the same here, life as a single parent can get very lonely. However there is the added difficulty of not having the free time to get to go out to meet people anyway!! I have great support from my family (and my ex's) in childcare whilst I work, but then I feel its taking advantage to ask them for more so that I can go out and socialise evenings. But its the evenings particularly once the DCs go to bed and you're on your own, that are the hardest.

bananas,i'm sure we will get used to it eventually,all new things take time to get used to.

Where abouts are you? is there much going on where you live? I might start looking for a group of some sort to join one day,just got to find my confidence first,have you seen it?!!

Bananas why don't you join Single With Kids? I had a really shitty time when we first split, most of my friends didn't know which side to go on so deserted us both - I found that harder than losing the ex to be honest. It took a while moping around before I found the courage to do something but I'm so glad I did. I've been on lots of breaks with them now (mainly camping) and have met a lovely lovely crowd of single parents where I live.

I really don't know how I'd actually have time for a man now, if I'm not out and about with my LO, it's a nice treat to have some time at home.

Will look it up stardust. And refmum if you sort the group out let em know. just trying to mox the mortar for my confidence too!!! :)

I have one of my DDs 24/7 so Single With Kids is great for me. I've been on some day trips and a couple of holidays now. It means I can socialise at the same time as looking after my DC. I don't feel lonely now as I know I just need to look on the forum and I can arrange to meet up with other single parents.