this is hard work!

[beaconhouse]

hello, only just signed up so this is my first (or maybe second posting-not sure if it worked or not). just wondered how all other single mothers cope? I have been on my own with my children(3 boys) for a few years now. for the most parti think we do ok...we get by. feel guilty about working and that my children are not having the traditional two parent happy family thing i had hoped for but still think they are better off than if i had stayed in an unhealthy relationship...but i find it hard. feel very alone sometimes without anyone to support you. if i think about the future it gets a bit scary...and on bad days,like today i fel i could just curl up and cry and cry but really am too tired even to do that.....i imagine alot of single mothers feel like that sometimes too..sorry. just venting and dwelling in self pity a little methinks

yes,its hard work!! i agree

I am not a lone parent, and have 2 boys. I often think how the fuck do single parents do it, and am so glad I don't have to. Hats off to you I say. I don't know how you do it. Because you have to I suppose, but nonetheless, it must be fucking hard work! Well Done

Yes, it is!

I generally muddle through, organise as much as I can then cross my fingers. Sometimes the dc's watch too much cbeebies as I have to catch up at weekends but at other times we get out and have fun. The kids are fine, it's me who has to deal with it all.

I'm the same with the crying TBH, I just don't even start as there's no one who is going to pick me up and I'll just get (more) wrinkles.

well has its flip side too
today the boys turned downstairs into hogwarts and played harry potter all day and i didnt have to worry about cleaning up before ex husband got home
Mind you will be full on tidy up tomorrow (large sigh)

well lets aim for laughter lines rather than wrinkles x

you sound lovely,i'm quite new to being a single mum (4 mths in) and like you,if i think too far in advance i get anxious and worried (best to take it one day at a time i guess.

There are good and bad points,think i might write a list later!

ah it is hard, but you can make it easier with really simple things.

today.. i COULD go crazy, clean house like a maniac as its a tip, then squeeze in 3 hours study and 2 hrs ironing.

But, i plan to read fantastic mr fox with ds before bed, then eat some of dc easter eggs when they are sleeping. I will study for a wee bit while waiting upstairs on dc to fall asleep (we have just moved house and they are learning to fall asleep while sharing a room as previously own rooms).

i will completely ignore the mess till thurs i think, and leave the ironing till i run out of clothes for work

and I can becuase its only me and dc here. and none of us could care less. no one will visit without half hour warning through week anyway. so i can get away with it that long.

Yea, it's effin hard work, and you have high and low days, but nothing beats
being together with your kid(s) building a better life for you all, than being (and subjecting them) to a lousy 2-parent family!

And you are free to make all your own decisions!

Remember to build in some me-time too! Relax, put your feet up, that housework will still be there tomorrow anyway!

Like the Buddhist monk said:

No-one ever said on their death-bed "Wish I'd spent more time on the housework (or in the office)"

~ thumbs up emoticon ~

Oh thank goodness there are other people who dont want to spend the rest of their life making sure they have a house fit for ideal homes!
Have come to the conclusion that one can either have an empty washing basket and a enormous ironing pile or no ironing pile at all but an over flowing dirty wash basket. To have both empty would upset the laws of phsyics!!!!
For the record i had to get youngest son to jump on ironing mountain today in order to fit more on top!.....at least easter homework now finished though....not sure spending a day turning a dr who action figure into an egyptian mummy with the aid of plaster of paris bandages was exactly what the teachers had in mind though!

Just to be nosey what are you studying nomeansno? well done you for fitting that in.

Yes, it is far better to be in a lone parent thing than a foul marriage..really mean that. Mind you not spoken to another adult for two days and not sure if i can cope with anymore conversations about harry pottter!! still my tribe in bed now so that cool glass of white awaits and then work tomorrow x

I agree that you have to let the house go a bit (or a lot ) and catch up when you have the energy and time. You can only do what you can do and there's no point in doing it all and burning out.

It is hard, I use alot of red bull and determination that I will succeed. Try to imagine your ex putting you down or insulting you or something, It works to stop me letting anything go. I would hate for him to have something to actually tell me off about....

You are not kidding!!

Coffee and cigarettes are my current best friends just to be able to survive the morning.

I have been a lone parent just over 18 months.

beingsetup Me too, there's a huge amount of to XP. The kids are fine and I couldn't care less if I dust or not.

foundation mornings are shite at the moment, both my toddlers dive bomb me from 6am, 7 days a week. I'm on the verge of putting a stairgate on my door or leaving the TV tuned to cbeebies so they can just switch it on at 7am. That's awful isn't it.

Erm...no. I turn my tv to cbeebies so as soon as they jump into my bed I put them it on. At least then I can try and wake up properly. only trouble is the both mess about with stuff in there that they shouldn't.

And haven't been able to have stairgates in 18months, they both scale them.

They have high pet gates in argos, my friend has one for her climbing toddler . I have just got a lock put on my door so they can't muck about in there when I'm downstairs. Things can be confiscated and stashed in there too!

I do need to start waking up properly, I'm usually a wreck by 8am. They talk over radio 4 too .

I'm off sick today, it's nice and quiet as the dc's are out.

I too have a lock on my door. Great little things arn't they?! Have been tempted to have one on the inside before.

Another one here who agrees its bloody hard work....my 2 are almost 16 and 11 now and its still hard!!

I work full-time and am also main carer for my disabled parents so i dont get much free time but when i do i dont spend it doing housework , whats not done by 9pm gets left i am afraid cos then its my time to sit down with me feet up and watch rubbish telly

I must admit to having 1 luxury though, I dont go out much, i dont smoke, i rarely drink and i dont spend much money on myself so my one treat is that i send my ironing out (well i pay a friend to do it for me cos she loves ironing and i detest it).

Single mum to 2DC's for over a decade, and in that time did an MA & PhD, and for the past 5 years had a demanding FT job (luckily no caring responsibilities - hats off to anyone doing that). Eldest now at Uni and youngest doing GCSE's.

Money has always been stupidly tight so no holidays but I have a really close relationship with my kids, and they are both totally great and have not really ever given me any cause for concern.

Granted I've not had, and still haven't got, a social life, and lone-parenting is damn tough but so much better than being in a not great marriage.
Oh, and I'm not into housework either (and that includes ironing - do that maybe 5 or 6 times a year!).

It took me many years to chill into LPing - learning to be good to myself and just accept that I can only do the best I can was the best lesson I can pass on.

I still get bad days though - but then I'm sure everyone doeseven if there are in a 2 parent family.

I agree that it does get easier but there are always triggers for me - today i cried because i couldn't blow up the paddling pool :-) I honestly felt that i was depriving my kids of a childood. I now have choclate and have calmed down. Am also taking paddling pool to church tomorrow to get someone to blow it up to prove that there is nothing i can't bloody do as a lp. Getting an inflated paddling home on a bus should be entertaining too!

monkey - dont be daft - you can certainly do it yourself!!

but not with your breath - buy (or borrow for tomorrow) an electric pump! so much easier....i have this one
www.amazon.co.uk/Bestway-Sidewinder-Rapid-inflatable-mains/dp/B000A7J77K/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1304191194&sr=8-3

Bestway Sidewinder Rapid Pump for inflatable (240v mains)
by Bestway

Sale: £10.79

and used it the other day to blow up this -
www.amazon.co.uk/Bestway-54006-Jumbo-Size-Paddling/dp/B000FBWHVO/ref=pd_sim_sg_1

Jumbo Size Paddling Pool
by Bestway

Price: £23.99

best things bought ever

beaconhouse, sounds like the words could have come directly from me. New on Mumsnet, and its a relief to read threads that make you realise you're not the only one who feels like it, because quite often you do! I too have been on my own with 3 DCs for a few years, and thought it would get easier as time went on, but yes I still have days when I could happily curl up and cry and sometimes once they're all in bed I do, as just need to let it out!

Whilst you're ready for them all to go to bed so you can have some peace in the evening, the downside for me is that its the time I tend to feel the loneliest

Why does anyone do ironing at all? Apart from anything linen (which I no longer buy), I promise nobody notices and are always surprised when I admit that I NEVER iron anything - by the time I get to work my wrinkles have hung out to the same extent that others have worked wirnkles in during their commute.

LPing is incredibly hard and only other LPs really get it - I know that I don't even really know what I want for myself anymore because there hasn't been time to think about if for 7 years while I just keep the show on the road. You have to cry sometimes and gradually learn to be kind to yourself and realise that other people (including all the couples) probably haven't got round to finding the best insurance/credit card/savings account and haven't put up the shelves/curtains/shower curtain, and haven't always been there to help with homework/piano practice either.

Its certainly not what I would have wished for myself or my children but we have lots of good times and I'm sure we are closer and my kids more responsible and kinder than they would have been if the XP hadn't B* off.