How do you deal with the anger and bitterness from EX?

[Montessorisam]

Hi there,

just split up from husband. We have 3 kids under 9. When H comes to collect the kids he is angry, obnoxious, sarcastic and bitter. In turn his 'comments' make me angry and we end up arguing. I have asked him in an email to make the drop offs and pick ups as quick as possible so that we do not argue in front of the kids. I also suggested that we meet in a public place for drop offs etc. His response was to send me one line back that said 'stop emailing me'.

He has not got himself sorted out with a place to live yet so he comes in, makes coffee, rummages in the cupboards for snacks. When I am not here and he looks after our 2 year old he uses this house, which is fine, until last Tuesday when I took the day off and was here. He basically shouted at me until I left the house and came back at 8.30pm. In other words he shouted me out of my own rented place because I had 'changed' the rules by having a day off work when it was his turn to take the kids. I'm sure that if he got himself a place to live then all of this crap would stop.

On pick up today he asked me what time I wanted them back. I said 6.30pm so that I could bath them, get them in bed early, etc. The other day he brought them back at 8.30pm! He then said that he couldn't buy them lunch AND tea so I said okay 4.30pm. He then argued that that was cutting his time down GGGRRRRRRR.

How do I deal with the anger and crap!?! I am soooo fine with the split. I am doing brilliantly on my own. I just do not need all of his bitterness thrown in my face 3x a week!

Thanks for any adviceX

Well done OP, sounds like the drop off was so much calmer, thanks to your getting the goodbyes done at the gate instead of allowing him over your threshold.

Gster, Seriously if I returned to my home early from work due to feeling unwell, I wouldnt expect ex to be in my home in the first place, and if he attempted to scream me out of my home, I'd call the police and have him escorted out.
He's a grown man, he can take the children to the park, cinema, to relatives or to the house he sleeps at, it's not for the OP to be turfed out of her home for his convenience.

Gster - how interesting to get a male perspective on things! I understand that he is feeling the wronged party. I get that. I understand that his immediate reaction is going to be one of a 'knob'. I just don't get the last 10 years!! How can one person be speaking to another about how they feel but person 1 is not HEARING!!

I would love to just not see him for a long time because each time adds further crap to the pile. Staying out of his way is good advice. There are just the logistics on how to do that. Baing looked at like I am a piece of dirt doesn't help so I would like to stay well clear of that face.

Thanks Colditz - BTW I read your post yesterday about your Ex. Good luck. I'm sure you must be going through lots of mixed emotions right now. Are you okay?

BTW - All of this 'stuff' on Kate and Willaim is doing my head in! It is my wedding anniversary on Thursday. AAARRGGHH.

Sorry. I didn't see the other messages on here.

Thanks for the support Fuzzy and Allalone0.

The drop off was a little calmer and I am going to also ask my friend if I can do the pick up and drop off at her house for a while til things have calmed down.....

Sounds like a good idea. The less you engage the calmer life will become, he cant fight with himself (altho if he's anytihng like my ex he prolly can!)