Would this be unreasonable - DS's father and school holidays.

[TitsalinaBumSquash]

DS's father and I split up in Jan, he sees them one Saturday every other week, he can't have them overnight becuase he lives in a tiny bedsit. He takes them out for about 3-4 hrs at a time, i don't really think its enough since he also doesn't pay maintinence. He says when he gets a new place he will start having them for the whole weekend once a fortnight.

Anyway, this is the first school holidays we have had since we have been split up and it got me thinking, he gets 5 weeks off wok a year, would it be really unreasonable of me to ask him to schedule of on them in the summer holidays and use it mainly to spend the week with the kids? I have a feeling if I ask he will do the whole 'no i take time off of work fro myself' thing. I'm nit sure if its unreasonable to expect him to do so? I just really need the break sometimes.

Not unreasonable at all. I would approach it with him as though you assume he will want to spend more time with the children in the holidays. Sadly, some NRPs don't always want to, whereas there are those on the other end of the spectrum who would absolutely love to, but are not allowed. So I'd just ask for his proposals for holiday contact and then you can discuss them together and try to come to some sort of agreement.

I just think it's a possible recipe for a fight as no one likes being told what to do and he may feel like that's what you are doing.

"access" and maintenance are two completely different and separate things.

Have you contacted CSA?

I do think getting your heads together and taking things through would benefit the children.

Yup, get the maintenance sorted separately, it is much simpler if you only have one issue to discuss. Is there any reason why it is taking so long to sort out more appropriate living arrangements, are you trying to sell your house, for example?

Why not suggest mediation to discuss the issue of contact generally - overnights, holidays, special days etc. you can get parenting plans off the web, they can help remind you of things you might not have thought of. Then the discussion isn't just about what you think he should do in the summer, IYSWIM.

Also - living in a bedsit doesn't automatically mean no overnights - they could get a blow-up bed on the floor. Or what about a cheapy camping holiday?

He is in bedsit becuase he doesnt earn enough to get anywhere else, i am still in the HA flat we had together. I could suggest he still has at least one of the boys in the bedsit I guess.

I'm not to worried about child support, I would rather he spent more time with them than pay for them just becuase i would rather have the break, DS1 is disabled so I have all the extra work with him and then the normal work of looking after DS2 to contend with by myself.

"i don't really think its enough since he also doesn't pay maintinence."

Your op did sound ad if the two were bound together for you somehow.

He could take them out for more than just a
few hours at a time, surely?

OP don't ignore maintenance. The CSA calculation is based on his income. If he only earns a small amount he'll only pay a small amount. As a parent it is his responsibilty to maintain his dc.
It is the children's money, not yours. DOn't feel bad about asking for it!

Someone I know also said 'I'd rather have the break till the money'. WHich was fine until her ex got himself a new woman and then was too busy to see the dc. She then decided well if he's not going to see ds he should pay something then.
Why not encourage both and let him take responsibilty for both?!

Re contact you should certainly suggest he gets some camp beds if he's going to be there a while.

Do you work? If you do you could approach school hols to ask when/if he intends to take time off to take the dc away and or take them on any days out as you need to book holiday club/childcare.
If not, and you don't need to be tied to specific days, then ask him if he has any plans and maybe he could think about taking them away for a week camping or similar to give him more quality time with them.

Moving forward the best/easiest way is to get a fixed agreement in place. EG you have half the holidays each - ALternate half terms, one week each at easter & xmas and then 3 weeks each in teh summer (either in a 3 week block each or split into 10 days or a week at a time maybe).

XP also has 5 weeks holiday a year. He spends 3 weeks of those covering school holidays with the DC & 2 weeks for himself (I work PT btw).

We split the holidays down so we have equal responsibility each. He doesnt have to take time off to have DD but if he doesnt it is him who has to find/ pay for alternative care for her during 'his' weeks. So I don't think youre unreasonable at all to expect this. Even if you used all of youe own 5 weeks holidays with the kids (which you shouldnt as you need some time to yourself!) you still have to find care for 8 further weeks which would cost between £1000 and £2000 per year (based on £25-£50 per week) - Completely unreasonable to expect this to fall on you.

But, this from a man who doesnt pay maintenance - I think you'll struggle to get him to see it that way!

I don't think it's unreasonable at all, in fact it's good to read a post from someone who wants to encourage contact between children and the non-resident parent. I'd definitely keep the maintenance issue separate (but don't give up on it completely) but perhaps push the contact thing from your LO's point of view, saying how much they need /want to spend time with him?

My XH made his position quite clear when he said that he wouldn't use his holidays to have our DDs as his holidays are for his 'other family' therefore wife and son. This was said in mediation!!!

Funnily enough my xp can't seem to get time off to look after dd. Although not at school yet, it still bites he can get time off at the drop of a hat to go watch football, go to gigs or generally do nothing, yet can't take a couple of days to see his dd.

Any man that says his holidays are for his other family, shouldn't have the title of a father. Honestly, it really boils my pee! Some men just don't know they're born!

Love.: same here..(ex)H doesn't care to spend his free time/free days with our DD's (he is having 2 days off every week-weekdays or weekends) :(

Doesn't it drive you bonkers? Every other wkend my xp gets a long weekend as half day friday and still no appearances! I'm getting to the point now where I feel as though I could just ignore him and just get on with it.