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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Any experience of Family Court

21 replies

Sammy111 · 23/04/2011 20:27

I've been summoned to appear at Family Court because my 'ex' says he's not getting access, which is untrue but he's using the court to get revenge.

My question is do I have to attend? I've written them a letter disputing what he says, but the court hearing isn't for several weeks.

On the court papers there is no mention of any penalties if I don't attend.

Can anyone help?

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 23/04/2011 20:28

yes,go. its about your children

take a diary of times he's had the children for access. what access has he been having?

rubin · 23/04/2011 22:19

I'd agree with ILoveTiffany. The judge will take a dim view on you not turning up, even if his allegations are not correct. Best of luck with it all.

mamaz0n · 23/04/2011 22:20

a summons is a summons.

if you fail to turn up then they can rule in his favour.

argue your point and explain your side of the story.
if they find that he has wasted their time then he will get short shrift from teh judge.

Original poster

Sammy111 · 23/04/2011 22:52

Hi, thanks for all your comments. He has once weekly access and every other weekend. I have diaries also.

It is not the first time that this has happened and unfortunately the judge has to take both sets of information at face value even though one is not being genuine. They dont see through his game plan, he is manipulative. Any other tips would help.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 23/04/2011 23:25

depends what outcome you want? and what he's asking for?

Spero · 23/04/2011 23:30

You have got to go.

If you don't go, he can say whatever he likes to the Judge. The Judge will be pissed off that you didn't go. The Judge may well issue a penal notice to say that if you don't come to the next hearing, you will be arrested and brought to court.

If that hasn't been done already? Is that what you mean by summons?

You can't mess about with this. If you don't co-operate with court proceedings you could be looking at a transfer of residence.

Keep records, tell the truth. Most Judges have been doing this for donkey's years, they have seen it all, they will know a manipulative liar when they see one.

Original poster

Sammy111 · 24/04/2011 10:10

Hi. I have always gone before. And listening to your comments I should still go again even though he is making a mockery of the system. He is asking for what he has already got which sounds ridiculous but that is why I wasnt going to go again this time. I hope that you are right about the judge seeing through him as he does deserve some kind of penalty.

OP posts:

Smum99 · 24/04/2011 13:14

Hi, Just to clarify - so you have a contact order specifying contact but the ex is claiming he doesn't actually get that time?

Certainly go to court - it is best you give your evidence in person. What has been the issues? What does he feel is unfair?

Original poster

Sammy111 · 24/04/2011 15:01

Yes there is an order in place. But it is all about him and his needs, which is so wrong. He suits himself about when he is available, and expects complete and utter flexibility to suit himself around that. When I say no to him about one matter he takes 'me to court' under false pretences, ie by suggesting that I ignore his requests for access/that access is sporadic, anything he can think of. He also expects respect from me when he has done everything to ensure that I can never respect him. This includes saying and doing things that cause upset to the children and 'how not to be a dad' and I am frustrated as being the one parent who has constantly been there, providing on every level, trying to raise happy children, I also have to protect them from him and myself and his selfish tantrums. It looks like I am left only with the hope that he will be seen through by the courts again but he does come across as a genuine victim. Thanks again for advice.

OP posts:

Spero · 24/04/2011 18:00

Go to court. Tell all this to the Judge. You can apply for an order under section 91(14) of the children Act to say that he isn't allowed to make any further applications without first getting permission from the court. That might at least put a brake on it a bit.

evolucy7 · 24/04/2011 20:56

What exactly does the court order currently say, because you say that he expects flexibility, but surely if you have a contact order that is what should be happening?

Spero · 24/04/2011 21:16

evolucy - 'flexibility' depends on many things. Most child psychologists agree that children need routine and stability and need to know when they will be next seeing their non resident parent.

While most orders I draft contain para 'such other and further contact as can be agreed' the main core of a contact order should clearly set out times, dates and locations. Anything else is likely to be destabilising for the children and very unfair to the resident parent who can't be expected simply to drop everything to accommodate wishes of NRP.

Sadly, in my experience, when NRP complain the RP is not being 'flexible' they are usually complaining about not being able to come and go at random times, whenever it is best for them, not giving much of a stuff about their children.

evolucy7 · 24/04/2011 21:22

Sorry Spero, just re-read my post, what I meant was that the terms of the contact order should be happening and therefore very little flexibility as most of it would be clearly defined, so in agreement with what you have just said. I didn't phrase it very well.

ballstoit · 24/04/2011 21:30

How do you communicate with ex? If this is his pattern I'd suggest email communication only from now on so you have a record of what's going on.

Spero · 24/04/2011 21:38

ooops! sorry for the unnecessary lecture.

I know that both parents often reasonably think the other is being obstructive, but nobody benefits from frequent trips back and forth to court.

I would definitely go, get a very detailed order and if he can't stick to it, tough. I assume the mediation option has been tried/ or is unlikely to work.

evolucy7 · 24/04/2011 21:56

No worries Spero. I remember my solicitor saying when my ex was all for every last detail being defined in the court order, that i should go with it as actually he probably wasn't doing himself any favours in the long run, as if he then decided he wanted some 'flexibility' he'd shot himself in the foot really!

Spero · 24/04/2011 21:58

As a single parent myself, nothing fills me with more RAGE than the NRP bleating on about 'flexibility'. How I would love to have a bit of that for myself!

evolucy7 · 24/04/2011 21:59

Indeed

Jellykat · 24/04/2011 22:10

Sammy, DS2s dad did exactly the same.. I presume your XP represents himself each time?

It sounds like less flexibility is required, then your XP cannot continue to threaten you and mess you about.. I presume that pick up/ drop off times are not stipulated in your existing order?

If i were you i'd get definitely get these details written in, along with any cancellation of contact requiring 48 hours notice.

GypsyMoth · 24/04/2011 23:33

i got a section 91(14) for precisely this reason...

Original poster

Sammy111 · 25/04/2011 20:37

The court order is quite tight but if I dont agree to his demands of say a time or day change he threatens court..Re flexiblity, you are so right. I do not expect ANY flexibility from him, I dont expect anything at all and I have the children!. I cannot trust him and so therefore I cannot agree to contact when I am at work as he would not turn up or be deliberately late thankfully I have a flexible employer. Same with the school holidays, the games he would play. If I were to say "go on have whatever times and days you want", he wouldnt want it! not that I ever would! I thought that I was the only one to have been involved with this sort of person but it does seem there are a lot of NRP who play these games and behave badly. The children are my life and everything is adjusted accordingly. It is hard when the judges treat you equally because that so isant the case. I will bear the Section 91 (14) in mind. Thank you all x x

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