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Lone parents

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Original poster

Can I change mine and DDs names back to my maiden name without their Dad's consent?

20 replies

LilllyLovesLife · 22/04/2011 09:08

I have been doing some goggling around and I am so confused about the name changing thing. I am still married to DDs Dad but we are separated and both moved on with new partners.

I want to start using my Maiden name but from what I read online, all I have to do is start using it, not do anything official? I am a bit confused by how it can be that simple? What about things like driving licence, bank etc? Can I use both names to save changing everything at once?

And as for the kids, their Dad will probably object to it, but he sees them once or twice a month, makes no effort, has only supervised contact as he doesn't look after them properly on his own and is on his very last chance with seeing them at all. So I don't have my sympathy left for him.

Has anybody done this?

OP posts:

elastamum · 22/04/2011 09:20

You can change your name, but not the childrens without their fathers consent. Have looked into this myself. Unless he give permission, or there is a very good reason for them not to be associated with him a court wont grant a name change for your kids. Sorry

GypsyMoth · 22/04/2011 09:26

you cant just go round changing childrens identities because you dont like their dad anymore!!!

they can do it themselves if they wish when they reach 16

Original poster

LilllyLovesLife · 22/04/2011 09:34

OK thanks.

ILoveTIFFANY - they are both toddlers so they don't even know their surname yet which is why I thought it maybe a good time to do it.

Elastamum - Thanks, that is very useful.

OP posts:

Meglet · 22/04/2011 09:46

I was going to speak to the citizens advice bureau about it. I don't like having a different surname to the dc's and XP made me give them his name even though we weren't married .

GypsyMoth · 22/04/2011 09:47

easier to change your name to theirs by deed poll meglet

thinbridewaitingtogetout · 22/04/2011 09:54

My step sons mother changed his surname from dps to her's so not sure how she done that, he is 10 this year and she done it when he was about 3 i think? They were not married so i dont know if that makes a difference? Also she done it out of spite.

evolucy7 · 22/04/2011 18:41

Meglet, have you thought about the children having both yours and ex's surnames? That is what I did with my children, so at least we have the first surname in common. If your ex did not agree to this a Court would almost certainly allow the change to be made anyway, that was the advice that my solicitor gave me.

BeehiveBaby · 22/04/2011 18:43

I would double barrel them or not change them, been through this in my family from all directions and it is just painful for everyone. They can make their own statements later.

IsElmoMaleorFemale · 22/04/2011 19:13

I know you cant officially change your dc's name without permission from the father, however you can have them 'known as' a different surname. I dont know how my mum did it but it is possible as the school changed my surname when i was 5, but i didnt actually change my surname till i was 16 when it was done by deed poll.

I also had a bank account in a different name before it was changed officially so it must be possible..

evolucy7 · 22/04/2011 19:32

Actually I don't think that is true anymore IsElmo, I think you can be in trouble if you do that.

balia · 22/04/2011 20:13

IsElmo Schools have a lot of guidelines now that are supposed to prevent this from happening, so you put them in a very difficult position. Being legally able to change someone's name is very different to doing it anyway and just not getting found out. If the father in this case is likely to object, he would probably be supported in court. I would honestly say it's not worth the effort and upset.

ChaoticAngelofchocolateeggs · 22/04/2011 20:28

You can be known by any name you want so long as you're not using it with intent to deceive.

OP I'm pretty sure you can use both names at once. There are women who don't change their name professionally upon marriage but do use their married name otherwise.

IsElmoMaleorFemale · 22/04/2011 21:32

oh dear, perhaps you should just ignore me then!!

roundtoit · 22/04/2011 21:38

if the fathers name is on the birth cert and they are registered with his surname you have to have his permission for the childs name be changed.

exoticfruits · 22/04/2011 21:54

Leave it until the DCs can decide for themselves.

evolucy7 · 22/04/2011 23:07

You don't have to have his permission, a Court can order for example that the child be given both names as this would be seen to give them the identity of both their parents without the father's consent.

exoticfruits · 23/04/2011 07:37

Have you asked the DCs-changing their identity is a big thing.

pinkytheshrinky · 23/04/2011 07:54

NO you cannot - you cannot even have them known by another name. I am involved in a court case re. my children with their father (violent etc who hasn't seen them for three years doesn't pay etc) and no you really cannot even use another name informally without the permission of their Father or the permission of the court. Schools will be breaking the law if they do it. For instance my daughter used her preferred name on her school peg and even this is seen as a breach - even though no names were changed on records etc.

As part of our court case I have applied to change their surnames - it is their wish and mine but their Father objects even though he doesn't even write to them! I feel quietly confident the children will get what they want.

But please do not do it without permission it puts you in a very bad light with the court

millie30 · 23/04/2011 11:35

Agree with pinkythe shrinky. I have a friend who started using her own surname for her DD and her XP was able to raise this in court and the judge was very hostile to her about it.

Reading this thread I'm so glad I insisted my DS had my surname and not XPs!

piellabakewell · 23/04/2011 12:02

I changed my last name on separation by completing a Deed Poll. I had to show it when changing my passport, driving licence etc.

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