Should my best friend let her exhusband take dd out for day with 'other woman'

[queenceleste]

Want to support my bf but not sure how to advise.
They split twoish years ago.
He's still with the woman he left my best friend for.
The affair they were having basically ended the marriage.

My friend feels that she doesn't want her dd to spend time with someone who cares so little about how she treats others.

How can she make the decision for the best. She would like to move on but does feel that this woman is peculiar and not someone whose influence she really wants her dd to be under.

Advice very welcome!

If she trusts her ex to look after her dd at all other times, she doesn't really have the right to say that he can take her out with his new dp. It's not her descision to make, it's the child's fathers descision. It will hurt her, but this isn't about her, it's about her dd.

The other woman didn't hurt her, her husband did, and he still has a right to see his child. The have been quite resonable waiting 'twoish' years imo.

It must be a serious relationship if they have been together this long, your bf can't really say that this woman doesn't care about others. There were obviously problems in the realtionship before she came along.

Erm ... Yes. (Sorry I keep writting some long waffle of an explanation and then deleting it ... hence sorry for somewhat of a turse response)

I think your bf is still angry about the break up of her marriage, and is maybe trying to continue to "punish" her exH. Her ExH has been with this woman for at least 2 years now - it looks as though this is a long term relationship then. Although this Other Woman had an affair with ExH, that doesn't make her an evil person all round. It wasn't just OW who had the affair, it was the exH as well.... There must have been a gap in the relationship between your bf and her exH, or the OW wouldn't have entered the picture.

I am speaking from experience - My ExH left for OW, who he is still with - in fact he is married to her now. At first, I too didn't want our DCs to spend any time with this woman. However, ultimately you cannot control who your ex partner spends time with. They have waited 2 years, which like bubblecoral, I think is a long time. My ex introduced the OW after a couple of months. Now she is their step mum, and they have a very good relationship with her.

Ultimately, my advice to your friend is to deal with her internal anger against her exH and this Other Woman - it will only eat her up and prevent her from being happy. I think she needs to let go of what she can't control. Trying to control who her exH introduces to the child when she is in his care is just futile and will only make your friend unhappy.

I have been in your best friends position and i didnt want my ex to introduce ds to OW (he too was having an affair with her while we were still together). I told ex-h that i wanted him to give it a few months but he took legal advice and so did I and my solicitor told me that I had no rights in trying to stop him introducing her unless i felt my ds was going to be in some kind of danger. Ex-h introduced ds to OW after only 4 weeks of us separating. I too felt that the OW had no morals and that she was not the kind of woman i wanted my ds to associate with but it was not something i had any control over.

I think your friends ex has been very patient actually in waiting all this time to introduce the OW. I think your friend just has to accept that her ex is going to be with this woman now and that its inevitable that they are going to have meet.

This is all very good advice and thanks a lot, I will pass it on.
I know how she feels, she feels the OW contributed to their marriage breaking down. (she totally knew they were married when she started relationship with the guy).

I agree she needs to let go but I also have reservations about this woman and whether I'd want my dd to spend a lot of time with someone who seems to care only about pursuing her own happiness. But that's just my opinion! Obviously some marriages are really over, but imo, this one really wasn't and this woman help execute something that might well have lived. No offence to anyone else, this is obviously only one particular case. Not commenting on anyone else's experience

Whether she should want to or not she has absolutely no say in whther to 'let' her child go out with this person. It must be hard but who does she think she is to stipulate to her ex whom he lets his children spend time with..? bizarre.