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Original poster

Help - its finally happened. Ex H gf is pregnant

13 replies

3ofeach · 17/04/2011 17:42

I knew this day would come and i have been dreading it. we have been apart for just over 2 years he has been with her for nearly 3 years as he was cheating on me with her for 9 months. FWIW he is 35 she is 21 ( i am 44) So he told me tonight she is pregnant. He also has 2 children by a previous partner sop this will be DC6 by woman no 3. Feel numb - he left me saying he didn't want our DC3 and now is having a baby with her. Any advice?

OP posts:
moondog · 17/04/2011 17:44

What advice do yuo want other than a reminder that he is pathetic.
Does he support his copious offspring?

expatinscotland · 17/04/2011 17:47

What a loser. I'd have run a mile from him the second he told me he had two kids from a previous partner.

Original poster
3ofeach · 17/04/2011 18:08

yeah i can't understand what she sees in him and no he does not pay for his DC's. I thought it would be different with me, poor girl probably thinks the same. Wish I had been sensible and left him when I saw how he treated my DSD's but I was in love and stupidly blinded by it.

OP posts:
jugglingmarbles · 17/04/2011 18:17

expat - you'd run a mile from a potential partner just because they had children from a previous relationship? Hmm. I'm glad there are men out there who aren't so narrow minded, else all of us lone parents here wouldn't have much hope of meeting a new DP!

3ofeach - how horrible for you. This sort of thing has happened quite a few times in my social circle - men who get together with older women and not wanting children with them but then breaking it off for a younger woman (who gets pg v quickly). Personally I think it's to do with wanting to continue to be 'mothered' when they're still young, then seeking out a more fertile partner when they finally feel ready for a proper family.

Original poster
3ofeach · 17/04/2011 18:23

when we were together there was a lot of what i can now see as emotionally abuse behaviour. Things like extreme jealousy, and if I had a night out arranged with work colleagues he would go to the pub after work ' for a quick pint' and roll in 3 hours later completely smashed and then fall asleep, meaning I could not go out. When we met I was very vunerable and he became very controlling very quickly. He left after I was starting to become more assertive after returning to work. I think a lot of the reason he is with such a young girl is that he can manipulate her too. Trouble is I did love him and when things were goog, thay were great.

OP posts:
AuraofDora · 17/04/2011 18:29

is he a good dad?
did he keep up contact with his kids from previous relationship?
I would have kicked him out though for saying he didnt want your child..

get over him, it shouldnt be difficult either - he truly sounds a knob end..
get on with your things you are interested in, treat it as a lucky break..

expatinscotland · 17/04/2011 18:29

'expat - you'd run a mile from a potential partner just because they had children from a previous relationship? . '

Back before I had kids of my own, yes. I did not want to be a step parent.

balia · 17/04/2011 18:29

Must be very weird - but why are you devastated?

Emotion aside, the main thing here is that he doesn't support his children and he damn well should. CSA?

chickensurprise · 17/04/2011 18:38

I have to say that when I was in a similar situation, I was almost relieved when I heard exP was having a child with his new partner. It meant there was less pressure on me and he made fewer demands, attempts to manipulate us etc.

I felt nothing but sympathy for the new woman - I could see that an EA relationship was inevitable (it's the only type of relationship exP will ever have) and she was young and vulnerable too. I was well rid of him and it sounds like you are too - just celebrate your freedom and be glad that you're no longer under his control.

Jellykat · 17/04/2011 19:06

Blimey, poor girl! She clearly has no idea what she's getting herself into eh?

This happened to me many years ago too with DS1s dad, i felt sympathy for her, luckily DS1 and i were long gone, as was the mother of his first son..

As chicken says, celebrate your freedom!

moondog · 17/04/2011 19:34

How could one 'love' a man who abandond his children? I can think of no bigger turn off.

ChaoticAngelofchocolateeggs · 17/04/2011 21:11

I'm with expat I avoid men with children too. Not because I'm narrow minded but because I don't want to be a step parent.

OP I know it won't be easy but count your blessings, your 3 dc, and remember this vulnerable young woman is now to be pitied, not envied. You really are better off without him.

Original poster
3ofeach · 18/04/2011 16:49

Thank you lovely ladies of MN. You have helped me think of this situation in a different way, especially Chicken, really good way of thinking about it.

So now instead of being upset I am angry cos the baby coming/being here means even less chance of him giving me any money for my 3 DC's. He gave me £240 in total last year and only £100 so far this year. Would try the CSA but it seems pretty pointless as he is self employed and his accountant will make it look like he is earning peanuts.

Now feel sorry for the GF as they live in a council flat with 1 bus an hour, she cannot drive so she will end up isolated with him out at work. If he is anything like he was with my DC he will not help at all with the baby and continue to go out with his mates without her.

Put like that I'm well shot of him

OP posts:
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