Your opinions valued re query

[uklouisab]

Hi, Im new here although I will admit to having been a lurker for a while. Im a single mum of 1 dd (5 yrs old) and ive been a single mum for 3 yrs. One of the (many!) issues I've got right now is that my ex will not disclose his address. dd stays with him at either his or his g/f house once every 3-6 weeks (nothing regular) for 1 night. No dom violence issues on either side and his g/f was nothing to do with the divorce.
For some reason I cant let this go - I feel i should know where dd is staying overnight. Anyone else in a similar position? anyone permitting access on the basis of not knowing where your dc will be staying?
I would appreciate honest feedback - even if that involves telling me to chill out and pick a bigger battle to be fighting :)
Thanks v much

I would also want to know where my child was staying over night and wouldnt be able to let him go unless I knew this so you are not being silly. Is there any reason hes not telling you as its a bit odd?

absolutely......u should know!!

If you have an iPhone and happened to leave in dd's bag by mistake, there is a feature where via a webpage it will tell you where your phone is within about 5 meters.

I had a similar situation with my ex, he refused to tell me his new address. I asked the solicitor I had used before and she said he had to tell me. On solicitor's advice I told him that until he provided the address he could only have contact in the day not overnight, he still refused to tell me. Other issues arose, the children were saying that they did not want to go at all and he ended up returning to court, the Judge said to him, 'Do you think that a Mother should know where her children are staying?' Ex said 'Well yes if you put it like that', the Judge then said 'Well give your address then', and that was that!

hi,
thanks v much for your replies - it's reassured me that I'm not being unreasonable :)

Gster - don't think the "electronic bug" thing hasn't already gone through my mind - although I have ruled that one out (for now!!! lol)
Cuteboots - he doesnt believe he has to tell me about anything he does because in his words he "has a new life that is nothing to do with me" and he "has parental responsibility" - this includes providing the address where she is to stay overnight, holidays, significant activities such as church attendence of a different faith to our own!!!. The PR is correct from a legal point of view (although actually being a parent is another issue!!) in that he does have it but I still believe it is more appropriate to be discussing and sharing information re things specific to DD (that goes for me too)

Of course you should know, but if you don't want to get into a lot of aggravation then maybe it'd be better to play the long game. I've heard different things about the courts, sometimes they'll insist it's handed over, sometimes they say that as long as you can contact him while she's with her that's all that's needed. I think it really depends on the individual circumstances and why the address is withheld - and probably the judge too.

Personally I hand dd over to xh and have no idea where she is with him. But I trust him with her, he's contactable via mobile, he wouldn't take her anywhere unsuitable. I don't feel the need to know where she is and I do know his home address.

If you feel like that then I'd be inclined to let it go, and not give him the argument he seems to be looking for. I guess it really depends on whether you trust him with her and if you have any concerns that he might not return her. It's not like it's often and maybe if you don't make a fuss about it, he'll just end up giving it to you anyway.

I'd want to know, even if it is just in case an emergency arose and I had to pick my child up from his fathers. I had a similar situation and I was advised by my solicitor to stop contact until I knew where my son was sleeping. My exh lived over 40 miles away though. I should also say that after finding out where he lived he refused to return our son to his home and I had to get the police involved, so I think you have every right to know where your child is.