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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Feels So bad for letting my baby down again :'(

8 replies

ilovemybabie · 11/04/2011 20:51

Was in a relationship for a while with my ex partner. We split up on the last day of Septemeber and got back together in January. My daughter was proper confused and upset when we broke up, she is only 2 and didnt understand what was going on.

I took him back after he chated and got the girl pregnant and then we split up, the 4 months we wernt together we didnt talk. He got back in contact and we decided to give it another go.

The ex has had the baby, he didnt have time for me or my daughter any more so i ended it. He still want's to be mates and still wants to come and see me and my daughter. Am not sure if thats for the best for my daughter though. Am so confused on what to do next :(. I dont want to let her down any more than i already have, but she loves him so much so stopping him seeing her will hurt her.

What am i ment to say to a two year old when is is asking for him?
I promised my self i would never put her through that again after the first time and i did.

Does anybody know what i can do to put this rite? Sorry about the bad grammer by the way. am awful with it

OP posts:

Sapphirefling · 11/04/2011 21:28

He can still see her though ? He is doing what cheating blokes normally do - saying that he wants to be mates and blaming you for not being able to cope with that is classic cheats behaviour.
If he's an okay dad, and you have no concerns about her when she is with him, tell him that he can spend time with her but don't feel that YOU have to be his mate. Suggest a specific day for him to take her ?

Original poster

ilovemybabie · 11/04/2011 21:40

He is not her dad, she was 1 when we first got together.

He says he wants to be there for us because he dont want to see me upset ect.

We moved into our flat 3 weeks ago and the baby was born the day after, I told him i was very happy for him ect, but he was there everyday. So i was doing alll the unpacking, cleaning cooking ect. he would come have some tea get a shower an straight to bed i was cleaning after him to.

If i keep letting him see her i am worried incase he has enough and walk's away from my baby.

he is living with his baby's mum now and she wont allow my baby at her's. tbh he has no were else to take her. I also wouldnt be happy being around his baby's mother.

I know this story is probly making no sence am just so confused on what to do. I cant believe h has done this to us again.

OP posts:

greencaveman · 11/04/2011 21:55

Stop your daughter seeing him. He isn't her dad and he is just upsetting her. She's only 2 so you can easily deflect her questions when she asks about him - just totally change the subject - when she asks about him, ask her if she would like to do a glitter picture etc. Unless your 2 year old is nearly 3, this should work OK. If she is nearly 3 and understands more, then tell her he's gone to live in another country. I don't really think he is much of a mate for you anyway. If you really want to see him, do it on neutral territory - not in your flat and not with your daughter.

Original poster

ilovemybabie · 11/04/2011 22:12

He came round today to see her we broke up friday and that was the first time she seen him since then, when he left she was crying for him, and i seriously didnt know what to do or say.

i have tried to change the suject but it only last for 5 minutes if that. she turned two January just gone.

I dont think i can be 'mates' with him because its just going to make it harder to get over him. but i dont want him out my life completely.

It dont help that he wont talk about anything thats happend he just acts like we have never been a couple and have always been just friends

OP posts:

belleshell · 12/04/2011 09:43

I cant be friends with my Ex who is the father and who also said he wants to be there for us, tis his guilt......he wasnt there when i asked him to pick DD up from brownies and DS was ill ( he was at his GF house). or there when DS got into trouble with police and had a police caution.......

hink back to your own childhood what is your first memory, and how old was you, i think at 2 your DD will forgoet in time and will remember they happy mummy that was there for her through thick and thin. Leave him to get on with it and you get on with your life too, you deserve to be happy and be somebodies number one not second best to another women and her baby.

good luck

xxxxxxxxxx

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 13/04/2011 08:45

THis man is not your DD's father and he is certainly not your friend. He sounds like one of those whangers who likes to think of himself as irresistible with a gold plated cock, so he can never get out of his ex-girlfriends' lives - he just keeps reappearing and stirring them up, giving them just enough of his attention to keep them hanging on.
Tell him to piss off for good. Yes your DD will be a little sad for a while but she will forget about him in due course.

greencaveman · 15/04/2011 19:21

Don't let your little girl see him again. She's just turned 2 so she will forget really quickly. He isn't her father so there is no need for him to be in her life at all.

Giselle99 · 25/04/2011 11:44

My 2 year old niece asks and often cries for me all the time - I don't see her more than once a month, sometimes every other month as she lives some distance away. I don't think her parents are losing any sleep over it - it's what toddlers do.

As others have said this man is not your friend. He's a chancer and the sooner you cut him out of yur life the better for you.

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