Any advice- single mum working f/t and sinking!

[squidgysmum]

As the title says- I have a 3 yr old and I work full time. I'm just so exhausted all the time- I can't seem to get my energy levels up despite getting more sleep and improving my diet.

Does anyone have any tips on how to cope? Cutting my hours isn't an option and I don't have anyone I can ask for help with cleaning/childcare etc.

Get organised.
Have routine
stick to it.

So shopping...on line with delivery (obv)

meal plan your arse off.
Every sunday, sit down make a list of meals, and base shopping list on this.
make double of stuff and feeze half, creating meals for the following week.
Dont forget to take the frozen meal out before you go to bed.

chuck in a wah load while making tea.
Tidy as you go along, have a place for everything and make sure its put there.
dont go upstairs empty handed, always take something up with you.

get everything out that you need the night before, clothes, shoes, handbag etc. brecky bowls out.
erm, will think of more stuff... but you get my drift, does this help?

wash load.....doh!

Stop ironing.

Make sure you are around when the washing machine finishes and hang clothes straight onto clothes hangers - much quicker.

Declutter as much as you can, stuff creats more mess and cleaning.

Get your 3 year old to help, make cleaning and tidying into something that you do together.

Check up at the doc's to rule out anemia or thyroid problems?

I'm also a single mum and work full time and my DD's 4. As she gets older I'm finding it easier; when she was 2 I was fine and then for almost the whole year that she was 3 I frequently used to cry from sheer exhaustion. It does seem to be less draining now (although I still have my moments!).

The things I do to keep relatively sane are;

Waking up at the same time each day; it is a killer waking up at 6.15 on a weekend morning but I find that if I try to sleep in a) DD wakes me up which I never seem able to cope with well and b) I feel worse if I do get an extra half hour/hour's kip

Once I'm awake I get up; a wise Mumsnetter said that once and I recently started obeying it and do feel better, having a bit of quiet time to have a cup of tea/potter round the kitchen/have a shower in peace can make a big difference.

If I feel tired during the day when I'm with my DD I've learnt not to sit and rest, I get out and about as much as possible (DD won't let me rest at home unless I've taken her out and worn her out first!). The more exercise your DC gets the better - swimming, park, anything like that and as much fresh air as possible. When you get home have a picnic lunch/tea, get some toys out, put the telly or a DVD on, and slob out. I sometimes doze off for a little while after we've had a busy morning and wake up to find my DD either dozing next to me or quite happily drawing/watching telly.

Taking a day off a month to myself. Take your DC to nursery/childminder as normal, go back home, put your feet up and relax, or do the little jobs that are bugging you that you don't always have time to do. I've learnt from experience that if I don't have this time to myself I go completely mad.

I work flexibly and end up doing an hour or two's work most evenings once my DD's in bed but as an upside I do half a day from home one day a week then have the afternoon off with my DD, and not commuting that one day seems to make a difference. Is there any chance you could do the same?

Final thing is be good to yourself. Some days really are crap from beginning to end and the only thing to do is get your DC into bed as early as possible, eat a quick tea, and go to bed stupidly early.

I hope this helps

completely agree with cherrychoo:
online supermarket shopping is a life saviour for me.
and cooking more than you need & freezing small batches. also, sometimes i cook a roast chicken on a sunday for my ds and me, seems extravagant but there is left over chicken for his meals and my lunch for most of the week, stock for soups etc.

also, paigeturner could be right; i struggled with exhaustion for years (exh left when ds was 13 months, have worked full time since) and 2 years ago was diagnosed with under-active thyroid. before being tested i complained to gp of exhaustion and he said "do you feel tired all the time" - well of course i do, i'm a single mum working full time ! but it's a simple blood test. and now i am on medication i feel a whole load better

-Shop online
-Don't iron
-Use DVD's to keep your DC in once place so you can tidy / cook in piece.
-If your DC is at a nursery you could ask if any of the staff are available to be a 'mothers help' sometimes (after work or saturday mornings). Obviously this costs money but having an extra person in the house so you can get organised in peace is a lifesaver.
-Use babywipes to clean things down.
-Don't clean things as often .

I agree with the blood test idea, I had one after feeling dreadful at the end of this winter. The results were fine (I think I was just wiped out by the DC's chickenpox month), but I have upped my vitamin intake and try to eat healthier, more nuts, smoothies etc just to keep myself on top.

FWIW I work p/t with 2 pre-schoolers and my life is constantly chaotic and I have no idea how other people manage. My mum helps so I can get to the gym once or twice a week which is a lifesaver. It is hard when you're on your own, I'm sure you are doing a cracking job .

focus on getting to know other parents, get playdates etc so in a future time you will have possibilities to swap baby sitting etc.

invite other children from nunrsery on a weekend keep on til you click with another parent

get a cleaner a few hours per week.

I agree with all of the above.

Do something that you enjoy doing most evenings, get the boring stuff out of the way then do something you love doing.

Eat little and often, eat lots of green things and smoothies. Get lots of fresh air and drink lots of water. Give up coffee.

Put a DVD on for dc, give them a pile of lego and a snack, then pass out for an hour and a half.

Get dc to tidy up after themselves.

give up coffee???? hbb are you serious?

Reduce the amount of cleaning - seriously I've had to learn not to stress about the state of the windows or how many weeks it is since I've cleaned the oven!
Definately meal plan and bulk cook/freeze or invest in a slow cooker.
Do you have a Wii? Wiifit gives you a mental and physical boost with no need for babysitters!

I've never cleaned the oven. I pay someone to do it every year, or two, or maybe three .

i used to justify getting a sandwich at Pret or wherever at lunch because I thought I didn't have time to make my own lunch, what with trying to get DS and myself looking respectable for work/school and out of the house on time.

then i realised that I was spending close on £20 on sandwiches every week. So I stopped, and now spend £20 on a cleaner ! Believe me, it is best thing I ever did..... My lunches are healthier cos I make them myself, and once a week I get home to the enormous satisfaction that someone else has cleaned the bathroom, scrubbed the kitchen floor etc....

Getting some kids over for your little one to play with so she/he doesn't need all your attention all the time on weekends/hoildays, might sounds like a nightmare, but I have found it can help me to get on and do things like letters and bill sorting.
There is a website called flylady that can help (sometimes is abit ott for me to beable to keep up with) but helps when things get overwhelming around the home.
Lists lists and more lists!! As already said try and eat and sleep well.

Second a slow cooker and cleaner
If your daughter will eat these sort of meals
It will give you a hot meal in the evening and loads to freeze
Can you afford a cleaner - two hours will make a big difference

No handy tips here, just sympathy. I am alone with two LOs and only just about cope with FT work. Constantly shattered and recently separated so emotionally drained too. I am sure it will get better though.

iron less

cook more and freeze

learn to love salad. you dont need to cook it. you shove it on a plate and eat it.

my dc get fed at childminder.whatever i send. so i dont pay her the costs she asks for food services, but i dont need to make it iykwim

often i make a lasagne, huge one to last a few weeks and they have that for 1 day of the week,pasta with veg, fish fingers/fish cakes next, maybe cheap quick fry steaks.

so i tend to find my dinners at home are either a frozen thing cooked at wkd, or breakfast foods boiled eggs , scrambled eggs, fry up, cereal. or something that involved one pot(which hopefully i can eat straight out of). saves on time washing up.

tbh by the time i get home from work, and get kids bathed and into bed its 8pm. and i dont want a heavy meal then anyway. so can often be found eating super noodles straight from the pot.

we have a secret liking for that cheesy macaroni stuff you get for under £1 a box. its almost glow in the dark. i am scared to look at packet and see just how many e numbers it contains. but i have that with peas and bacon in it

i particularly like cereals that are packed full of vitamin. or museli tpyes of things so i'm getting fruit and nuts too. well.... i tell myself its more healthy.

oh.... and also a fan of exhausting the kids with swimming/park, then coming home and we all fall asleep in front of the tv for half and hour.

I asked a near identical question a year ago a got loads of good advice...things that have saved my sanity:

1. Online shooting
2. Weekly cleaner
3. Bulk cook up at the weekend covering weekly evening meals

...and it does seem to get easier

online shooting, now that's an idea

I agree with snowmama. I too work f/t and this is how I cope:

1. Cleaner! I have one, only 2 hours each fortnight, lifesaver. Give up on the other domestic stuff unless you feel particularly inspired. I don't do much more than wipe a baby wipe around the bathroom, wipe the kitchen and hoover occasionally.

1. Only make plans for one day at the weekend. Spend the other day just doing stuff with your 3 year old, ie drawing / going to the park, even just sticking a dvd on for her and sitting reading a newspaper. Just relax and play together.

1. Don't nursery feed her during the week? If you just get a load of chicken / fish in the freezer, you can take one out in the morning, stick in the oven and have with some veg and rice / potatoes in the evening. I have no compunction about giving my dd a bowl of cereal / some toast in the evening if still hungry after nursery. I batch cook for her from time to time, ie lots of portions of cottage / fish pie etc.

1. Big boxes / wicker baskets in almost every room into which you can just chuck toys so tidying up doesn't take too long. Tidy with her before she goes to bed then after you've done that you can just sit down.

1. Get into lovefilm. You will then, almost every night, have a film and if you stick your food in the oven before she goes to bed you have a plan ahead of you every night.

Good luck!

I second the love film thing. It is marvellous! I have been working my way through the CSI and CSI New York series.

Hi ladies, I am in the same situation. Having started working full time with 2 children; DD 5 and DS 2. This weekend I have been shattered and very emotional. Unfortunately, the kids saw me upset which upset them. I don't want them to remember me as a mother who constantly cries. Therefore I shall be taking all your helpful hints and may just invest in a cleaner!!

It is really, really hard working as a single mum, I do it to.

There are lots of excellent practical suggestions on here (internet grocery shopping, batch cooking etc..all of which make my life easier), so I won't repeat them.

Another thing which I don't see mentioned upthread (may have missed it) is having an early night every so often. At least once a week I go to bed just after DS so I can get a good long rest.

Meglet - people clean ovens??!!