Little rant about overnight contact

[ginnyjeans]

My ex husband (Decree Asbolute last week! Yay!) has not had our DD overnight at all since we split in March '10. He does not help out in the holidays, has not been to any school events and He only sees her every 2nd week for 7 hours (and sometimes he cancels because he can't afford to come through - workwise, nothing ever changes with him it seems).

Rather than pay for a babysitter on sat night, I said could he stay here at my house with her as I will be out all night (made arrangements to stay at a friends). Anyway, he didn't text me back to confirm so I asked again this am and he says 'I'm not sure about Saturday night staying over'. Would you not think the man would WANT to spend the night with his daughter? He lives 3 hours away. I'm thinking his girlfriend is not into the idea. Does he think I am lying about not being here and might come onto him?!?!

Is it me? Am I the unreasonable one? Here I am paying for babysitters whilst the father of my child can go out for free any time he likes. Sucks.

i can get why he does not want to come and stay in your house.

i think that is unreasonable of you - he has a new girlfriend and it looks odd to new partner to go stay in your ex's house. in your bed etc. smelling your underwear(well who knows???!!!)

if you happy for overnight contact why cant your dd just go to his and stay over?

how old is DD?

if she school age why not send her ona sleepover with a friend?

keep him out of your childcare arrangemnts

The welfare of children is the priority. Contact or shared residence is purely for the benefit of children and not just a convenience for the parent with the majority of care or the new partner.

When there has been no overnight contact since March 2010 staying in familiar surroundings could be viewed as reasonable and in the child's best interests to re introduce overnight contact with a young child before moving to overnight stays 3 hours away. It isn't possible to force an unwilling parent to care for children if they don't want but if a new partner has sensibilities that is their issue to deal with.

I definitely wouldn't want him in my bed cestlavielife. Have a spare bed he can use and will disinfect after - he he. (although your underwear sniffing comment did make me laugh). I was actually trying to make it easier for him ... thought he might appreciate the extra contact and of course, would save me the babysitting money.

It would cost him £120 in petrol for DD to go and stay at his (2 round trips) which a. he does not have and b. will probably get criticism for this - but DD who is 9 has made it absolutely clear she will not stay at his. She has made this clear to him to, with no input from me. I have tried to encourage but she gets very upset at the thought (she has not met his girlfriend or her two children). I feel she is old enough to make the choice (although some here may not agree) and don't want to push the issue as it distresses her. If she is happy to go, I am happy for her to go but she does not want to.

I do generally keep him out of childcare arrangements, and all arrangements really as he doesn't seem to be interested to be involved in those and was sick of letting him know what was going on with her. Since I've stopped letting him know, he hasn't bothered to ask.

is she really happy then with idea of him staying over at your place?
he could turn up with GF in tow !

surely she would be happier at age nine staying over with a friend?

i think focus more on getting her on sleepovers and ahving sleepovers at yours so you build up trust situations with a few friends of herss and their parents, so that there is possibility to do sleepovers.

my two dds age 8 and 11 have had no overnight since july 2010 and dont want to "ever" acc to them - there is curently zero contact anyway for a hsot of reasons...

Yea, she is fine with him staying over. No, he wouldn't bring his g/f here. He's too scared to even introduce her! He's 34, but extremely immature.

She's not too keen on sleepovers with friends at all to be honest. She has had quite a few.

It's hard hey. I love my DD to bits, but sometimes just feel a bit hacked off at his total lack of responsibility as a parent. Do you feel the same?

Hi ginny, no wonder you're pissed off. It's so hard being a single parent and it's so frustrating when dads forego all responsibility for their own children. In my own personal experience I find it easier to accept that my ex will not be the father I want him to be. He will never go out of his way to putting his child over himself. My ex has his DS a couple of token hours one day at the weekend and one overnight stay a month. He has absolutely no interest in his child outside those hours and does not entertain any additional time during the holidays including christmas. I'm afraid a babysitter is the way to go or sleepovers. I'm sorry there's no easy answer and your ex is unlikely to change.

My only comment is that he is not a babysitter. If he can't have his child, and you want to go out, then find a babysitter.

Did he move 3 hours away?

I know he's not a babysitter and generally I do find one but she is his child. It just hacks me off that I have to pay whenever I go out whereas he doesnt. And yes, he chose to move 3 hours away. He certainly didn't put his daughter or contact first in that decision (he works for himself, could work anywhere. When he does work that is).

Btw this morning I received a text from him saying he wasn't coming to see DD at all even though she was expecting him and he confirmed with her by phone. Obviously retaliation to texts I sent him. Why take it out on the child?? Also said he wasn't looking after her so I cld go and 'shag my boyfriend'. Rude, horrible man! DD wasn't too bothered to be honest. He will loose out in the end. Sigh.