"Recordings" on a contact order. Where do i stand?!

[kiddell]

My ex and i are separated. Its a long story but even though my ex was having contact for 3 days a week he took me to court for more contact and joint residence. By this time our DS was 2 and i asked the court to agree for our son to have 2 sessions in Nursery a week as he is fairly bright and ready for it. My ex was dead against nursery and objected to this strongly but the CAFCASS worker and the judge agreed that this was in our childs best interests.
The recommendations from the court was that the 2 nursery sessions would be during my EX's contact time, as i had argued very strongly that my ex did very little with our son and he had no social interaction with other children during contact with his dad.
The court agreed just for a contact order for dad.
However the judge put the fact that my ex should take our son to nursery between 1-5pm as a "recording" on the order and not as part of the actual order.
Since this date last Autumn my ex has not taken our son regularly to nursery and has missed about 30% of all the sessions. On the days he does take him he often arrives as late as 3pm and if he does arrive on time he is often picked up after only a couple of hours.
I have challenged my ex many times about this and he just shrugs and says it isn't in the order and as its only a recording, he doesn't really have to take him if he doesn't want to.
To add insult to injury we had been paying for one session each, but recently my ex has refused to pay, meaning i am paying for 2 sessions of nursery a week - almost £50 for my son to attend just a couple of hours if he is lucky.
I really do not want to go back to my solicitor as i am a working single mum and i am still paying my very large legal bills from last time, but would really like some advice on where i stand legally with this bit about nursery in the recordings on the court order.
Is my ex right when he says he doesn't have to do what it says and is a return to court the only option i have? If so will a court see a 70% attendance as reasonable? Are the courts likely to insist my ex takes our son to nursery if i do go to the expense of going back to court, or will it just be a waste of time and money?
Any answers will be gratefully received! Thanks!

Just wonder if this would be better on the legal thread.

if you paying for nursery tehn it seems you would be better off if he goes during your cntact time.

it wont hurt DS not to see other children during timewith dad so long as dad is adeuqtely feeding cleaning etc him

when it comes to school then will be clear if dad is able to manage pick ups on time or not...

Hi

I have to say I've no idea what the court will say/do with regards to your ex not taking your DS to nursery. And whilst I can see that it must be frustrating for you, I have to wonder if this is something worth fighting over.

As you are painfully aware, it's not cheap and on top of that you are personally paying for the sessions.

The logical solution is what cestlavie has already said and arrange the sessions for when you have contact. Forcing an ex to take DS to nursery is just going to cause resentment and that's just never going to work.

In theory I agree with you, CAFCASS and the judge but in practice the world doesn't work like that.

Honestly, this is not a battle worth fighting, as a stubborn knobber of a man can string it out indefinitely with excuse after excuse as to why he has not taken DS to nursery.Send your DS to nursery when you are in charge of him.
I know it's maddening that XH's bad behaviour is being 'rewarded' by him appearing to get his own way, but bear in mind that XH is not getting his own way at all in that your DS is attending nursery and XH can't prevent this happening.

How long until your child is 3 and the government funded sessions start? I'm asking because of what I call the "long game".

Once these start ensure they are spread over 5 days a week and that attendance on your days is 100% unless you have a doctors note as real evidence the child is too ill to attend. Let Daddy do his thang ; ) Nursery for the government paid hours IS logged and a note is made by the authorities if attendance slips.

Come primary school start date and the inevitable requirement to adjust contact to suit school hours Daddy will have "proved" to the court he isn't up to the job of getting child to school regularly and on time etc. The child's attendance record will demonstrate this. This strengthens your case for residency and moves him from being able to demand 50/50 shared care to the standard every other weekend and deffo no Sunday nights.

Meant to say - let the ex "win" this battle, but ensure he loses the ability to control you for the next 18 years without you having to take out a second mortage. Give him the rope to hang himself with.

I only say this because 3 days a week contact was fair to the baby and both parents yet he chose to drag y'all through the courts in a situation where it doesn't sound as if all that hoo hah was really needed. I'm one of those that thinks courts should only be used for child protection issues and not for point scoring as kids are not ping pong balls.

On the other hand, after investigating and hearing both parents' stories the court agreed it was in the child's best interests if the father took his son to nursery during contact time. Therefore there is every chance that if the matter did return to court the recording would be turned into an order and/or contact would be reduced so Mum could take the child to nursery in "her" time.

What the court has agreed and what happens in the real world are two entirely different things.

So yes, OP could return to court. Ex would make excuses as to why DD hasnt been, pinky promise he will be a good boy from now on and the judge will probably give him another chance.

Great, ex has been told off, he's promised to take DS to nursery and now all OP has to do is pay a few thousand quid to her solicitor.......

Or court could take the position that hey...DS doesn't have to go and rather than try to make a horse drink, it's more important to spend quality time with dad. Then all OP has to do is pay a few thousand quid to her solicitor.

Not to mention it might take a year to get the matter to court as it's not classed as an emergency.

I agree with bochead. Let the ex feel like he's won this one and give him enough rope to hang himself in the long run.

Whilst you may feel this is a really critical issue affecting your DS, the blunt truth is that he's hardly going to grow up being unable to read/write because he didn't go to nursery regularly at the age of 2.

I agree that like parents the attitudes of individual judges and CAFCASS can be different. It is much better when parents compromise and learn to work together and make agreements between themselves, but in my experience when a parent disregards court directions/recordings to suit themselves it is only a question of time before the matter goes back to court anyway.

Generally it is accepted that nursery education for a few hours a week (as opposed to child care) is good for the development of young children and rarely, if ever, would a court find it in the interests of a child not to attend. Contact orders/directions/recordings and enforcement are partly directed at parents with the majority of care when contact is frustrated and partly against the other parent, who will not commit and comply, which
often has little to do with the best interests of the child. That is why since December 2008 new contact orders and a warning notices are served on both parties.

When money is an issue it is possible to apply to court and self represent in court proceedings. Parents are now expected to attend for mediation information and assessment before the first hearing. The disadvantage is that costs a bit of money, but it isn't anything like as expensive as paying a solicitor to act as an agent and gives parents the opportunity to resolve their differences.

It takes about six weeks to get a first appointment and when it is urgent it is possible to apply for abridged service to reduce the time. These days CAFCASS are usually only asked to carry out welfare reports when there are welfare concerns and the judge requires more background information to assist him/her making a decision which means the whole process can be a lot quicker, particularly as many cases are settled "by consent" during proceedings.