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letting exP email DC - why need to monitor

2 replies

cestlavielife · 01/04/2011 12:49

background ; ongoing issues, court order for supervised contact, events in late 2010 leading to no contact. have offered supervised at eg cafe with DS who wants to see him but ex refuses saying is "abusive" to meet in cafe and has to be in his home. . i cant send carer to his home as exP assaulted a carer in his home last year....
exP birthday - he invited DC, said his friend M and others would be there with DC. this seemed fine as lots other adults around. i called M to ask her to pick up DS and DD2 (dd1 refused to go but dd2 said ok so long as M came to take her there) and take them. (contact order provides for adult supervising to collect and drop off DC).

M agreed willingly. exP got mad that i talked to M without his permission and M called to say she could not come to collect them as exP said no. so Dc didnt go - and neither did M.

exP choice. they didnt go on his choice refusal to accept dc being picked up by M. it was clear to all i was happy for them to go with M.

DS (LDS/ASD) writes simple emails with help, his carer called me to show email from dad;

from ds xxxx@xxx
hi dad
i saw xxxx
i read a book.
what did you eat?
lots of love
ds

From: [email protected]>
To: dsxxxxxx yahoo.com>
Sent: Wed, xxxxx, 2011 23:16:42
Subject: Re: Re:

Dear ds

dad's birthday was the xxx of March.

dad invited ds dd1 and dd2 and he had his birthday celebration with lots of friends, but Mama didn't let ds dd1 and dd2 , to come. Mama needs some help

But the good news is that we will celebrate dad's birthday another time :-)) and we will eat sausages

How are you doing at school?

love

dad xxx

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 01/04/2011 12:53

oh no!

well he cant be trusted to even do that properly can he!!!

he cant use the email system as a way to badmouth you.

bochead · 01/04/2011 13:29

Let him send a dozen emails or so before you step in. This is written evidence of alienation, something courts frown on big time. Quietly print them out and pop in a file till needed.

I'm sorry he's just a nasty piece of work. Legally he's not helping himself by being uncoperative.

I am left wondering if he needs therapy/has some form of recognised condition? This behavior isn't normal.

Keep your chin up, do not slate him to the kids and keep going. It will get better as I can see him getting himself banned, (without any effort from you) from seeing or contacting the children at all long term. So much so that I'd anticipate this happening and the fall out for the kids emotionally by asking at school if they can have some counscelling.

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