How much money from ex-p is enough for 2 DC?!Am I really greedy?

[TwoPeasOnePod]

Hi all, quick(ish) post, I have split with DCs father and he wants to give me £277 a month to pay towards their keep, he earns £1277 a month after tax...He has outgoings of around 300 (yes really thAT LOW!)a month then the rest is for his own personal use (from what i can see,fags, going out)
Because he has moved in with 'a friend' who by the looks of it is committing some sort of benefit fraud by pretending he isnt living there, my ex partner refuses to see if hes entitled to any tax credits, hes not paying council tax, its all very strange.. But of course it is "none of my business"

I am on maternity leave until August, and £142 of the £277 will be going to pay for my eldest DDs nursery fees, this is to keep her place there so I can actually go back to work in Aug, and when my youngest goes there too I will be paying between 350-400 a month for them both to go (with help from tax credits obviously) so I am on a very low income. What I want to know is, should I expect/ask for more than this from my ex? hes left me with a sizeable debt that he helped create as well, but thats another topic...

Obviously I am getting assistance from tax credits etc BUT it doesnt seem fair that we are living hand-to-mouth and he isnt going down the correct routes re. where hes living, getting in touch with tax credits etc.. Plus he will never be able to ahve the kids overnight or even for longer than a few hours, because his living arrangements just are not suitable, despite the fact he constantly claims that he does want to see them a lot...He thinks I am being greedy, would like opinions from other people on this subject please and apols for terrible gramar, spelling etc, have grouchy baby on knee

You're not being greedy.

On the Csa website there's a calculator you can use which will tell you an approximate amount.

I got told I was greedy & had big arguments so I am going through the Csa now. Hope that helps.

I don't actually have any experience of child maintenance at all so can't give you any personal opinions. I found this child maintenance calculator online though
www2.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/en/calculate-maintenance.asp
and it says that he's paying more than he has to.
I do know that as a single parent working more than 16 hours a week, you will get help with childcare costs... but I don't suppose that helps at the moment.
This may sound a bit underhanded and sneaky (and I may well get flamed for this) but you could always threaten to go through the CSA to try and give him a bit of a nudge.
If he is living with someone who doesn't isn't declaring their circumstances to the benefits people, then I don't suppose he would want to go through all the official stuff and he might give you a bit more?
Of course, if you think this would affect an otherwise ok arrangement and relationship and think that it would affect his relationship with your children, then it probably isn't worth it.

Thanks for the links, he is paying slightly more than he would through the CSA (about 17 pounds a month more if I'm correct) but it's more the principle of it I think- he would rather me go to charity shops to clothe them (for what it is worth I have no problem with this at all, and always have shopped that way as well as 'normal' shops..) but how he can refuse to help with nursery fees to ultimately make his childrens' lives easier, whilst simultaneously spending £80 a month on CIGARETTES and around £160 on going out drinking...
That is a large portion of what he pays towards the kids, frittered away on shite
Guess I'm finding it hard to keep my nose out, I know that ultimately it isnt my business that he spends that money on those things, just frustrated about it.
I think I will say to him, whilst he isn't taking them overnight whatsoever or ever having them for just the day on his own, I will require more cash in order to do things with them myself. I know the CSA takes into account any nights spent at the other parents house, so this is a valid argument. I'm sure he thinks I want the money for myself, which makes me utterly furious, and almost (but not quite ) makes me want to just not bother even asking him, for my prides sake...

My exp expected me to give him a list of what I was going to spend the money on!

He sounds the same as your ex - cigarettes, alcohol and strip clubs. Thus far I have no money from him at all.

Hang in there. I don't have much advice apart from that. Your life is so much better than his being with your DC. If he wants to drink, smoke and act like an idiot let him xxx

I would say that is about right tbh, an odd amount (not rounded up) I would say he has done his homework and from my experience, this is about right from the csa calculator. What he spends his money on is his business, cigarettes included.

In my experience it's better to get £277 per month out of him via an agreement than try to force him to hand over more and get £0.

As other's have said, use the CSA calculator to determine what is about right and use that figure as a guideline. The rest is his to do with as he pleases. It's none of your business. Just in the same way you wouldn't accept him telling you what to spend your money on.

I feel for you. It might not be fair but the CSA rules mean that if you are a NRP with a reasonably good salary you will be much better off if you seperate than the parent with care, who also ends up with all the childcare expenses if they arre working.

There isnt much you can do about this and at least he is paying. There was a thread on this on here and 90% of fathers didnt pay up. It isnt easy but if I were you I would just try to get on with your life and not let it wind you up.

90% of fathers don't pay maintenance? Really?

You are so not being greedy !

I don't know the actual statistics on how many NRP's dodge child maintenance. The whole thing is a subjective mess. For example, if the dad's paying £50 a month and the mum thinks it should be £200, technically the dad is paying whilst as far as the mum is concerned he's dodging.

BUT

Trust me, from experience you should never EVER rely upon maintenance the ex gives you to live on.

Cut your cloth according to whatever your own income is and for budgeting purposes, do not include the maintenance.

The reason for this is that becoming dependent upon his monthly contribution means he will retain a lot of power over you. If you do something he doesn't like then he may delay/skip his payment which means all your bills then bounce as you can't meet rent/mortgage.

Treat his maintenance as an extra bonus which pays for the nicer stuff.

Secondly the chances of your ex ponying up even £277 regularly without fail for the next 10+ years (depending on the age of your kids) is low. Something will happen, he may lose his job, he may decide he's paying you too much, he disappear into a puff of smoke! Again if you are dependent upon a large amount of maintenance then you'd be up the creek.

twopeasonepod

I have to say yes actually I think you are being a little bit greedy. You are getting more than you would via the CSA, and i don't think you should push the issue. He sounds capable of making things very difficult and could stop paying, then you will really know what living hand to mouth is.

What he spends the rest of his money on is NONE of your business! How would you like it if he wanted every penny of the maintenance tracking and accounted for? or if he said you shouldn't buy clothes or go out with your friends? because that is the equivalent of what you are doing.

Niceguy- you have given me food for thought, regarding budgeting without taking the 277 as a definite every month- I will certainly be using that advice. But I can't treat it as "an extra bonus which pays for the nicer stuff" unfortunately, as I'm on maternity pay at the moment so all money is used for essential things, including any money he deigns to give the children. I am currently viewing petrol as a luxury for example, I think I will end up selling the car and just walking to save cash.
Lubeybooby- he actually does say I shouldn't spend on clothes/going out, and he knows that I use the money for nursery fees and bills. Thankyou for your lovely tone...However I do see what you mean though, having said that its not as if I'm harassing him about it to his face, that I truly have no right to do, BUT I think I'm entitled to think hes wasting money that could be spent better in ways that he knows will piss me off, to try and make me rise to it. I guess the general consensus is that women should be grateful for any scraps that a man chooses to provide for the kids that he loves