What is wrong with attached men??? Or is it me...?

[StellaBrillante]

It's the 3rd time in a row that I get approached by somebody I know (in passing or just from casual chatting in the office) only to find out that they are still in a relationship! I keep to myself, I don't do any more than just nod or say 'hello' and I certainly don't socialise with my colleagues so what on earth is going on?!?! Do I really look that desperate?!?! I find it so insulting! Don't get me wrong, if I was the 'soul of the party', boasting about big nights out with the office crew or even one to serial date my colleagues then perhaps I would understand it. But as it is at the moment, I don't even have time to go to the cinema with my close friends so there is nothing there to justify it in terms of me having developed a bit of a 'reputation'!
There are two sides to this (in addition to the insult):

1. I'm losing faith in relationships
2. It's having a negative impact on my self-esteem as I am starting to think that I'm only good enough as a 'bit on the side' or for a 'quickie'.

Has anyone else had similar experiences?

Its not just you, some men are dogs, basically they think that if you are a woman who has been single for a while, then you must be desperate enough for a quickie, their tiny brains cant understand that some women actually choose to be single

Don't be too harsh - I have made the mistake of assuming 'I have a girlfriend' means 'I have a long term girlfriend who has a key to my house'. Many men are just dating women and that is not the same as 'being in a relationship' necessarily, and are all these 'approaches' really as full on as you think? Men are allowed to be friends with women and be nice - some even 'flirt' a little just to cheer us up, so I would see it as that, relationship building, but not 'Relationship' building.

hi both,

good points there BUT they don't necessarily know that I am single as I do keep to myself. The latest one I've 'known' for about 7 years, never did more than nod to each other until he started emailing me the other day. He's been with his partner for...5/6 years?!?! They live together and she's got a son with autism - thank goodness for google & facebook! I haven't said anything but stopped emailing back. I'd understand it to some degree if we worked together in the same department and had become 'close colleagues' but with 3,000 people in the building and the fact that we haven't worked in the same division for 4 years makes it much harder to justify!
Another one did ask me out...and another tried to give me his number but I declined to accept it - as tempting as it may have been (NOT) :(

OK so some of them don't necessarily know you are single, but you don't necessarily know that the relationships they are in are exclusive. Not all couples are monogamous.
Also, friendly chat or even a passing compliment or two doesn't necessarily mean a man wants to shag you. I agree that being asked out is kind of unmistakeable, though.
Mind you, just a thought, if this is all work colleagues and you 'keep to yourself' at work, this could be more about them either trying to encourage you to socialise with the rest of the team or just possibly the office blokes are in a bit of a competition to see who can 'break the ice' with you.

I find the same, when people found out I was single (live in a small town) I have had a fair bit of interest, sadly all from men who are already in relationships or married! It is a bit soul destroying if I do meet a genuinely nice single man as I am losing faith in men!

SGB - does have a point maybe the men in the office are trying to see who can break the ice with you!

OP - I know what you mean. A while ago I was a member of a free dating site and at least a third of the men who contacted me were married or co-habiting. Sadly the internet has given many men a platform to make their fantasies reality. They all claimed their wives and partners were happy for them to join dating sites and meet new women, but when I asked them to invite their wives for our first date since they were allegedly in support, I never heard from them again...

It is a sad fact that many women will swear their husbands can and will never cheat on them, but I've lost count of the number of married men in work and non work settings who have made a pass at me over the years. And they were most definitely not trying to encourage "relationship building" or break the ice as I'm usually the one who organises social events etc at work and definitely not unsociable!