Just split up from Husband. Feel fed up. Light at the end of the tunnel?

[Montessorisam]

Hi there,

just split up from husband and now that the sense of peace and relief has vanished I feel bloody depressed. I have got 3 kids under 9. Work 25 hours a week. I am taking sleeping tablets every night just to forget it all and get some sleep.

Husband is being a nasty piece of work now too. Trying to make it all the more harder for me. He was 5 hours late to pick the kids up today. No apology, just being nasty.

Just spent last week trying to sort out the financial side of it all.

Worried about the kids. How am I gonna keep up with them - homework, happiness, vluable time for them...?

Will it get better? Will it get easier? Will I get used to this? We all have to be out the door for 8am so that I can drop kids off at breakfast club and get to work on time. Sunday night blues.

Feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. How to feel better?

It gets easier.

I'm two years down the line and my XH is still an arse. I strongly suspect he will always be an arse.

Have a and some and chocolate.

You'll manage with the kids - let the small stuff slide and don't sweat unwashed floors. And learn to shake and fold the washing.

it does get easier - at the moment you need to go easy on yourself, and the kids, and accept help, and just get through it a day at a time.
then one day you realise it isn't just a day at a time any more.

make time for little treats for you all.

will your ex have the kids overnight one weekday? Mine go to ex on a Tue evening (and a night/day at the weekend) and while I hated it at first it is good to get that break.

Mine were 5 and 2 when we split, am now 3 years down the line.

Kids......get them into habit of helping round the house. They need to be doing more. Grab time with them as and when you can. Ten minute chat in the car/walk to school whatever.

Exclude the words 'I can't from your vocal, because from now on ' you can'..... You CAN put up curtain rails, plumb in washing Mach etc etc

Find time for you! With me, it's exercise. I go running regularly.

If he starts getting too nasty then take legal advice. And keep a diary starting now, if times he has dc/times he's late etc.

You will survive, I promise!

Just to be told that it gets easier is making me cry with relief. ThankyouX

5 hours late for pick up

Hi Mont

Sorry to hear about your situation. I think once you have got yourself into a routine it will be better. That sounds easier than it is, but you will find what suits you and the kids best and take it from there. At least you can please yourself, and kids are adaptable and resilient, so they will fall in with you.

It does get better, believe everyone when they say it:)xx

Jaqui - my XH is still often late for pick up. 2 hours is normal. 3 is not unusual. 4 and indeed 5 have happened more than once.

Mont - give yourself space and time, muddle through and one day you'll find you're not muddling anymore

Jeez, wouldn't you just like to think that the ex would want to spend that time with their dcs rather than trying to piss the ex off which looks like it is!

habits and routine get you through it. Ride the wave of emotion and I promise you it will get much much better. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life now that me and my dd are settled and everything is in place.

I will say that when I left my exh I found it a huge relief and then found it a struggle like you are now. This was mainly due to my exh being a complete a**e (he tried to destroy my life - literally). He has never changed (this was ten years ago now), apart from maybe occasionally turning up when he says he is going to.

What I did was built a life around myself and my child that did not involve him. I never told my son when his father was supposed to be picking him up because it would often result in our son crying his eyes out waiting for his father at the front door with his bag packed for a fun day out.

It is hard, I will never deny that but once you get up and running you just seem to keep going. It will get easier, honest.

Me xx

Hi,
I am very recently separated too. I have 2 dc aged 4 and 22 months. I am getting through it with lots of support from my parents. I am on the whole feeling quite positive about things but my brother's wedding at the weekend made me all emotional again. Hope things start working out OK for you soon.

Hi there,

thanks for your lovely messages. I say them to myself when I am feeling low. I have been stuck in the house today with a scik 22 month old. Unable to go to work and now am feeling mad with boredom!

Muddling through is right; each and every day brings new problems or new worries.

And I a knackered!

It definitely isn't easy, but I've been doing this for a couple of years now, since the dc's were just 4 and 2, and it's a lot, lot better now.
We're as organised as we can be, I do shopping online, only iron the essentials, and we muddle through somehow. The house is far tidier than it ever was when XH was here!

It can be really frustrating having to turn down invites through lack of babysitting though, my family are a long way away so I have never had any readily availale childcare.

Thankfully, the ex is good about having the dc's - unexpectedly so, and that's made all the difference. He's also fairly generous with maintenance, so I'm lucky in that regard. I can't imagine how I'd cope if I were working full time on top of all of this.

Toddler has been sick this week so I have hard a trying week. Had to take time off work. And toddler been waking up loads in the night. But what I keep telling myself is that I would be tired even if ex was here - he wouldn't be doing the 5.30am getting up and would still be in bed at 8.30am which all adds to the stress. I would have got annoyed and fed up and we would have argued.

So I have muddled through this week and when I think of that I think I prefer to be on my own!