How do you not drown in homelife/routine? Excitement Needed

[TwoPeasOnePod]

I have very recently become a single mum to a 3.5 yr old and a 5 month old baby, after a very drawn-out process of seperation from ex. It has literally been less than a week of single livng, yet I can foresee a distinct lack of spontaneity and fun activities, 'just for me',in the future?! Anyone got any remedies for this?

Life with ex-p was far from exciting, the kids were/are in a solid 7pm bedtime routine, and tbh we never used to really do much when he was living here, but I want more than that I just feel that unless I can find some ideas, I'm going to be sitting alone every night while the kids are in bed, skint, housebound and unhappy

I won't be able to have much of a break from the kids in the near future as he doesnt have suitable accomodation to have them overnight, and I'm on maternity leave so skint too...Someone help me buck my ideas up, because frankly I'm socially awkward and pretty scared right now.

What do you lovely people do to fill your time?

It's a problem, I sometimes think I'm going to emerge from the house one day and find out I'm the leader of free Burma. Does your ex actually WANT to see the children? It's not ideal but depending on how desperate you are/ how eell you get on, he could have them fora night a week at your place and you go elsewhere? (There will be a deluge of people saying not to do this but depends what works for you). Alternatively, find yourself one or two other single mothers in the same boat and take turns babysitting for each other, this is the best free babysitting bet I reckon. It'd take a while to get your respective children used to it but it would be worth the investment of time. They wouldn't even necessarily need to be your best freinds either (in fact, that can be awkward, cos then you want to go out at the same time.) I don't get to go out that much, so when the childran are off with their dad for holidays I tend to get out of where I lvie altogether.
Best of luck.

Hi, yeah he wants to see the kids, your idea of him stopping one night a week or so while I go out is something I will definitely be thinking of doing, we are civil and I trust him to be respectful of my home so could possibly be a good idea not sure what he will think to it though!
Not sure about the single friends thing as I have very very few 'mummy mates' and they are all in relationships up to the eyeballs, if you get what I mean
I suppose I will have to triple my efforts to ask friends round a lot more, find hobbies etc etc, another thing I didnt think of this week is how soul-destroying it may prove to be, staying at home when the kids are in bed but its still light outside and life is passing us by Ah well, few years and the kids will have a later bedtime..

Mine are now 5 and 6 and I have started taking them out places in the (earlyish) evening- more for me than them I think Pizzahut is a bit kiddish but you can get a glass of wine at least... Movies, theatre etc. I'm going witha friend to a theatre thing at the V&A on Friday night, it's a hundred miles into London and it's not for kids but it's free so we thought we'd give it a go.
Single parent friends- you need to find some, like I said they don't necessarily have to be big buddies, just people you'd trust for mutual babysitting. I have a friend in the same boat as me but this mutual babysitting doesn't work so well because she won't go out alone, and there's no-one to go with but me. I don't mind going out alone particularly but I don't like to ask her too often. I do get my fix of going out when I go see family though, they love looking after the kids.

Try some of the sites that do local meets for single parents. Gingerbread do some local groups depending on where you live and singlewithkids have local meet ups all over the uk. It's much more fun to do things with other adults and it's great to go on single parent holidays with parents who are in the same situation.

I have always done different courses and classes as a single parent, which I found useful as it gave me access to a wide social mix instead of just other mums. I've done classes in things like ceramics, dance, painting and creative writing. At times when regular childcare was difficult, I did courses through the OU, which were funded as I was on a low income.

I also used to take DS out to museums and galleries a lot when he was younger - it's easier when they're young as they often just sleep through it in their pushchair! These days he complains that they're 'boring'.