dating... too soon?

[WelshCat]

hmm, DS is almost 8 months, split up with XP when 2 months pregnant. went out for the first time since baby last night and met a guy. lovely guy. saw him again today. freaking out a bit, never been in this situation before, should i not be pursuing romance with DS so young? argh.

I think it's fine to date but absolutely not okay to introduce your DS to him. I presume it's a bit late for that now though!

its kind of impossible not to. where am i supposed to leave DS while im meeting people? DS comes with me wherever i go, so he meets everyone i meet really.

Well presumably you didn't take your DS out with you on Saturday night did you? I have always either got a sitter or had someone over once my DS was asleep when I've dated.

I once went out during the day with a male friend a couple of times as a mate with my DS and my friend paid a lot of attention to my DS. After a while I realised that he fancied me but I wasn't interested so cooled things off. Whenever we bumped into him after that, he pretty much blanked both of us which was fine for me but really not at all fair on my DS.

Obviously this isn't the same situation but I think you have to be careful of your DS's feelings.

oh yeah i know, i mean, im all for not introducing kids to multiple men, but i have only met this guy a few times, and i have told him im not gonna be out in the night again for a while (DS cried whole time my mum was looking after him coz i was gone..) so its just gonna be a coffee in the day etc if i do see him again. im thinking thats not so bad, coz i have a coffee with one of my mates lots of days. i dont know, this is why im a bit hesitant though, coz its so hard when LOs are so small, they dont go to playgroup or anything.

Welshcat, I think you are handling it fine! Life is not black and white and it isn't easy so you have to manage your time as best as you can. I don't think it is so much about when but what you do when you do meet up. Going for coffee is fine, though it might wear thin with your LO when he gets more mobile and so meeting up at a park or the zoo or a museum or whatever. So long as you aren't snogging each others faces off and behaving like friends/generally chatting then I think your DS will be fine.

I was in a similar boat so BF met my kids 3 months after their Dad left. BF came round on a casual basis and has gradually been introduced to the kids as my BF now :)

yay thankyou for writing that, i feel much better now. we have arranged a meeting in the park on wednesday, and i think DS will enjoy himself :) and you are right about not snogging faces of eachother etc lol.
although i mentioned to my mum (who i live with due to being broke and lone parent) about the guy and she is dead against it. however my sister said i should go for it as long as DS is getting on with it. obvs this is all hypothetical as its very early days yet!!

Well it would be a perfect world if we had blocks of time for one thing and a separate block for something else. Life isn't like that though, sometimes things are a bit 'messy' and overlap a bit.

I actually judged myself harshly on this one and was like "..and he can't meet the kids 'til this set time has passed...and he can't stay the night until so many months had passed..." but it hasn't been like that and has things have happened naturally, and far quicker than I originally intended.

Enjoy, and go with the flow :)

thats the plan :) just had a load of trouble with baby daddy today too so im glad i have something nice to look forward to and take my mind of it.

You're doing fine WelshCat :)

Keep meeting this man as you are. Take things slow, for your sake too, keep the snogging for when DS is asleep and things should be fine. If this man is worth it then he'll understand.

:) went to see him today, took DS to the park, had a lovely day and lovely bloke is still lovely, plays with DS etc, glad i went :) very happy! (and sunburnt..)