FINAL STATEMENT FOR COURT

[bubbles1510]

Ok I just need someone to look over my options for final contact of my girls with ex, due to be submitted in 4 weeks to court and him.

Girls 4 and 7, timetable in week as follows

mon - after school club, eldest dd swimming
tues - after school club, eldest dd brownies, youngest dd swimming
wed - after school club, both girls church fun club
thurs - youngest dd ballet and tap
fri - home

I am not prepared to change their clubs, I do it all in week so as not too interupt his time with them, and they love them all and get immense pleasure, they are never forced to do something, and give it up when they want too - no pressure ever from me (other than swimming really as I believe it's a life skill)
and I work too so in a 5 day period I get 1 quality evening, being a friday evening

option1 - alternate weekends starting saturday 10am ish to sunday 16.30 ish

when clubs stop/change etc overnight Friday to start (but opposed at mo due to no quality evening myself in a 14 day period if they stayed 2 nights)
midweek tea with ex? one week he to come and do something my area, next week me to travel to his area? also friday that it's their wknd at home he could do tea that night too?
(will put down hols etc in a bit)

option2 - week1 fri after school to saturday 18.00
week2 saturday 18.00 to sunday 16.30

option3 -every friday after school to saturday 18.00 or every saturday 18.00 to sunday 16.30

one week easter, one week xmas(alternate xmas day) either oct or feb half all week, and half whitsun. a further 2 consecutive weeks in summer hols. birthdays, day to be split accoding to school etc my suggestion I collect from school and have till 5.30, he then does tea for them? if on wknd and option 2 or 3, then we'd both see b/day child.
midweek wed? after school for tea.
Midwek overnight to commence one ex has a driving liscence ( at mo would be 1/12 trip on 2x trains and 3x buses to school should they stay)

I prefer option 2, as no pressure for clubs to stop on girls, no pressure to rush everything into an evening and children get to see both parents every week? both get a quality evening with parents mid week and both get a quality weekend day.

any feedback, what a judge may think gratefully recieved,
ex wants alternate weekends friday to sunday but as I said in 14 days I wont get a single qaulity evening with either girl :( though neither would he so this is why I feel option2 the best.

xxx

However the alterate weekends Fri to Sun give more quality time for you both, rather than the one overnight every week.

agreed, but if that were the case the girls wouldn't get any quality evenings in 14 days with me (mum) and he would get 2, being the after school pick up for tea one night, so in a month they would have 6 quality time off evenings with dad, and only 4 with mum.

It could be written into any order that once clubs ceased, changed days etc and they were to have a quality evening with me mid week then friday overnight could commence if we went down the every other wknd route.

Just trying to explore options for the children to have quality time with each parent.

xx

I am a little confused, yes obviously in the week he has the children on the weekend, you will not have any full evenings with them ... But then in the next week he will have none and you will have 3. So in effect if you are judging it on "who spends the full evenings with the child" that would be fair as it would be Mum - Fri, Sat, Sun one week and Dad the next. Plus you get to put the children to bed and see them in the morning the other 4 days every week.

I think the courts would more so look at it as what is best for the children, not who is getting the most time with the children. It's hard to say what a judge would say because each's opinion varies to some degree. Personally I would prefer full weekends I think, so activities can be planned, weekends away etc

And the Wednesday tea wouldn't be a full evening would it? It'll be after activities, the same as yourself or are you planning on giving up the activities on the Wed to accommodate tea? Sorry I'm a little confused lol I may be wrong, but I think you may be looking at it from the wrong perspective of who gets the most evenings. He could go further I suppose and count hours and you would get more.

Dad would have midweek after school every week, as he should, so if it is alternate weekends with starting on a friday night then actually the majority of full evenings is in his favour.
Also I propose on the girls wknd at home he see them on the friday evening, just as I will be doing on the wknd they go to his.

I have to be honest neither my girls nor myself want to have no quality evenings in 14 days, which would happen if they stayed Friday evenings at present. so I suppose my question is really would a judge see this is as a fair arguement, and start weekends on a saturday morning, or alternatively I have tried to look at many different angles and suggest compromises which may suit us better and allow the children quality time us both weekly.

It's about them and them only, so me planning activities comes second to them seeing their father xx

With regard to the wednesday, he'd collect from school and drop at their activity.
Kids and activities are fluid and change all the time, it's about finding a balance that allows my kids to be kids but also allows them parent time with each of us.

x

I think the Judge's approach will be to look at an order that works for a reasonable period of time so generally they will discount current activities which will be fluid and can alter from term to term.I would also encourage you to get an order that works for the long term, you really dont want to have to be going back to court in a few years time. The judge will not look at the 'quality' evenings as the resident parent is in control of that and of course the resident parent by default has more time with the children. Generally Fri to Sun is recommended plus a week day if the travel allows. Alot does depend on the judge on the day but generally they respond better if they see a flexible approach. If you go for the most flexible option the dad gets 1 day per week = 4 night per month plus 2 weekends per month = 4 nights. Total 8 nights. As the resident parent you get the remaining nights. That is what a judge is likely to look at. You have 2/3rds and their dad has 1/3rd.

I would agree with Smum99.

Whilst it is not unusual to find families with contact arrangements similar to the various proposals you are making, they are much more common where parties have agreed matters between themselves.

Where an order is made following a contested hearing, less complex, more enduring orders are more likely. The judge will be asking her/himself "why not alternate fri-sun?". It will depend on the judge of course, and to some extent how you both come across when giving evidence.

Whilst there is nothing inherently unreasonable about your proposals, they are complicated, and your ex's have the advantage of simplicity.

Most judges will feel that, however beneficial after school activities are, they are not as important as time with parents, and as has been pointed out, this is within your control.

I know this isn't really what you want to hear. If you do continue to litigate this matter, I think you need to ensure you come across in
your statement as reasonable and flexible as possible.