Have 2yo DC and bump and planning to leave DH - advice needed. Warning: long!

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The subject line is the nutshell.

Specifically, I really need advice in the following areas:

Financial - (I know I can make an appointment with the CAB but I'm so keen to get info asap, and from people who have perhaps been in a similar situation)

I'm a WAHM but not had a project for ages due to current pregnancy and busy being FT mum to toddler. So, I rely on my DH's wage (which hasn't been enough for us to live on. This isn't the reason for splitting but without question has put additional pressure on the family). I am currently completing the application form for Maternity Allowance, which I think I might just qualify for.

When I leave, I plan to stay with my DS for a while. But then I'd like to find a place of my own, preferably before bump is born (summer). I have savings that would pay rent for a year, I think, but because I'm not currently working (albeit registered self employed) would an estate agent allow me to rent, or would I need to have 'employed' status and show recent salary slips etc?

Also, would I be entitled to any other benefits as a lone parent? Or would the savings (which would, of course, be depleted very quickly) mean I wouldn't be entitled? Would I be better giving my savings to eg. my DM and then claiming, eg. housing benefit, to ensure my DC have a more secure future (until my bump is about eg. 6mo and I can perhaps start to work again)? I know this isn't the right thing to do, really, but I'm just trying to think of all my options and what might be best for the DC.

Finally, if I wanted to buy (not actually sure I could afford it, actually but ...) would it be possible to do so, bearing in mind I'm self-employed? I'm sure I've read that you have to have three years under your belt, which I haven't, but that there are ways around this?

Is there anything else I need to think of, financial-wise?

Access -
I know my DH would want access and, despite the hurt, I know it would be good for DC and for him to have this. If we are living 100 miles away, what would be reasonable access, in terms of frequency? NB. He drives; I don't. Also, could I stipulate who I would and wouldn't be happy for him to leave DC with, if it was his 'turn' and for some reason he couldn't look after them (eg. had to work unexpectedly) and didn't have time to return them to me to look after? (I wouldn't be happy for eg. BIL to look after them - and I know that DH and MIL wouldn't be, either, but I'm worried that in a desperate situation my DH might do that).

Custody -
This is my biggest fear. Relations with my DH have, of course, been strained. I know that, deep down, he thinks I'm a good mother (as do my in laws) but I'm worried that DH could become bitter and resentful and try to gain custody. I suffered from depression a long time ago (parents split) but have been fine since, although I do suffer from anxiety sometimes. During arguments, my DH brings this up and says it's genetic (my DM and DS have had it, too). I'm worried he will convince courts that I'm not a fit mother. Also, my family is poor (although before I gave up my job I earnt the same as DH and while my earning power has been, and will continue to be affected by having children, I do hope that, in time, I can rebuild my career). His family is very well off indeed. And MIL, in particular, is very controlling - likes things done her way. I am very worried they'll have a case for taking my DC away.

I have so many other fears, too, but I'm aware I've rambled on too much already so will hit submit and answer any other questions if and when they arise.

Thank you so much in advance for any advice. Oh, and I hope I've put this in the right place?

Am assuming that your "DS" in this instance is your sister, rather than your son? mild confusion there.

Sorry that you are in this position and I haven't much in the way of useful advice but there are plenty of people who have been in your situation who will have some.

Your mental health status from the past is not likely to affect your chances of keeping your DC. If you are fine now, and things are under control, then the courts would far rather keep the DC, especially such young ones, with the mother.

I hope that things can be sorted out for you as simply as possible.

Just read your message. I was in a simliar position a few years ago. The only sound advice I can give you is around benefits as I deal with them through work. I don't know how much your savings are but they could well affect your entitlement to benefits such as Income Support. My advice is to be careful about passing your savings on to family memebers as the DWP will check savings that you've had - they'll want to see bank statements and if you've had savings in recent times they will want to know what has happened to them. I know this is not what you want to hear, but just trying to save you hassle.

Thanks very much for the supportive messages and the advice on savings/benefits. I guess that, once the savings are genuinely gone (on rent, and other day to day living costs) I will become entitled to benefits? Of course, I don't want to be reliant on benefits but, if I need some financial help until I get myself back on my feet, I definitely won't be turning down anything I'm lawfully entitled to.

What a mess.

Absolutely right - once you've used your savings, and it's not all of them - I think you can have £6000 before it starts affecting your benefit entitlements, then you'll be eligibe for various support. Once you're working 16-hours a week you can claim Working Tax Credit, and you can have the Child Tax credits straight away.

Thanks Redditchjo. If I worked less than 16 hours a week, would I still be entitled to child tax credit?

Yes, it's just the working tax credit that requires you to be working over 16-hours.