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Lone parents

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Original poster

My daughter (3) sobbed tonight and said

13 replies

mummytowillow · 19/03/2011 22:14

Why can't my daddy stay all the time like P's daddy? Sad (P is my brother's daughter)

Absolutely heartbreaking, I nearly cried with her, what on earth do I say to her?

She has cried twice for him today, he lives 280 miles away, sees her once a month, and I really don't know how to cope with it?

She is seeing families who are together and asking questions, but doesn't understand?

Any ides?

OP posts:
KatharineClifton · 19/03/2011 22:20

Tell her the truth - because he lives 280 miles away.

Mobly · 20/03/2011 10:05

Honestly, I think if you're positive it will help your daughter.

Like Katherine suggests, I would say 'Because daddy lives a long way away, but he will see you every month and he loves you very much' honest and kind.

Is there anyway of increasing the access, arranging skype or telephone calls with her daddy?

angrywoman · 20/03/2011 10:09

Or find some other l.p.'s? I know it's hard for them.

TheAtterySquash · 20/03/2011 10:11

It's heartbreaking isn't it? ds is just 4 - yesterday he said "I wish I knew why daddy doesn't live here anymore but I'm too small to understand". Sooo tempting to say it's because his daddy is a self indulgent adolescent trapped in a man's body but I also do the positive "he loves you, he misses you, you'll see him soon" thing. Really think this is the worst age - too young to understand, too old to be oblivious.

Downunderdolly · 20/03/2011 10:46

hello - it is awful. I have a three year old who 6 months into his dad living away from us (very unexpected) woke up this morning saying 'get me a daddy who lives here, I want a daddy to cuddle in your bed'.....I just say, Daddy love you and Mummy loves you and sometimes Mummies and Daddies just dont' live in the same house. You are lucky as you are so loved. But privately I want to add and your Dad is a selfish fuck who walked out with no warning and has fucked us both over to pursue his own selfish passions.....but of course I don't....

onlyone · 20/03/2011 10:54

Ditto - my eldest is 4 and for the past year Dad has spent more time with OW and her kids than he has with his own.

I do the Daddy loves you bit and Mummy loves you bit( but is having the mega midlife crisis which has turned him from lovely caring thoughtful into total selfish nasty mean wanker). He then says but Daddy loves you too. I refuse to lie to him and say,No Daddy now loves xxxxxxx.

He says - "No Mummy, Daddy loves you, he just forgotten how"

I cried the other night for the first time in a year.

Not helped by the fact that OW is still living with her DP, playing happy families and my Ex runs around after her like an obsessed puppy dog. It is all going to come crashing down and we just wait for the inevitable fall out which will affect my DCs.

In the meantime onward and upward. One day at a time.......

MonkeyandParrot · 20/03/2011 15:03

Find books, TV programmes etc that show lone parents as normal. My 2.5 year old when through this 6 months ago and i eventually worked out she wasn't that bothered by her daddy not being around, just the fact that there was only a mummy in her house! Todd Parr does some lovely kiddy books that show that families come in all shapes and sizes. I also joined a lone parents support group (i rang my local sure start centre and they found it for me - not sure how common they are) which is great as she mixes with other litte ones who have two homes. I can see it will be more benefical when she's older tbh but good to build up that support network now.

Skinit · 20/03/2011 22:03

Can she skype him? Can you put a pictue of him in her room to kiss? And I agree that books and shows with lone parents are great.

Timothy goes to school the TV show has a couple of lone parents. Yoko's Mum is a lone parent and so is the Dad of the bulldogs.

When my DD was wthout Daddy for a year...and he was a long way away...I used to kiss her goodnight each nght...one fom Mummy and one from Daddy that he had sent. I would also say Mummy loves you, Daddy Loves you and list all the people who loved her...so she could see that people like nanny who were not always there were still present, just like Daddy.

Smum99 · 21/03/2011 11:19

How sad for you and her, heartbreaking isn't it. The positive is that she is building a good relationship with her dad and that is important. It might also be helpful to let him know that his daughter misses him, he may not be aware of it and maybe he could visit more regularly. Did he move away?
Also lots of children have parents who work away, maybe in the Services etc and they have similar issues to deal with so it not that uncommon.

girliefriend · 21/03/2011 20:44

I really feel for you I have this every now and again with my dd who has no contact with her father and it is heart breaking Sad

I agree with the above advice re focusing on the positives and also accepting that it is hard for her and that it is o.kay for her to feel sad and upset. You want her to be able to talk to you if she is feeling miserable and not be worried about it upsetting you iyswim?

Also can she ring her dad if she is missing him and just talk on the phone might help.

Original poster
mummytowillow · 21/03/2011 20:49

I moved her away, all my family lived up north and I moved to be near them when we split up. Feel guilty about it really Sad

I tell her Daddy loves her very much and I never ever bad mouth him, but its hard when he sees her, he gets all the nice times, she is an angel for him!

I'm the one that makes her clean her teeth, eat her dinner etc! If she gets upset with me, she cries for her Daddy, which makes me feel bad!

Will try the skype at the weekend, maybe that will help?

Thanks

OP posts:
KatharineClifton · 21/03/2011 20:53

Your daughter would do that whether you were together or not. It's part of parenting. You have to get yourself into a place where you don't get upset by it. And there is no need to feel guilty so stop. If you can't get past this then your daughter will use it to her advantage and that isn't a good thing.

Emphasise that there are many different types of families when she starts, and she is lucky to have what she has.

bringonthegoat · 21/03/2011 21:29

DD asked for her Daddy tonight - she's only 17 months. I could cheerfully punch him straight in the cock for not being on the end of the phone to say goodnight to her Angry Maybe I should calm down - I mean he doesn't have to answer his phone EVER or check on DD between visits or show he cares, right Hmm TWUNT

Sorry for rant but I hate that I will have to make excuses for him to her forever (or until she's old enough to realise he's an idiot Sad)

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