Child Access Problems

[jojobee1982]

Hi i'm new to this so please bear with me.

My daughter is 17 months old and i split up from her dad 5 months ago.
Since we split up he hasn't given me any maintenance and doesn't buy her anything.
He has her as and when he wants her basically when he can fit her in around his friends and new girlfriend.
Yet he told me i was a bad mother because i work full time and my sister has her while i'm at work.
I eventually told him he wasn't going to see her anymore till he arranged more of a routine to having her and started paying towards her upkeep.
I then had his mother asking why he wasn't seeing her and she apparently didn't know anything about what was going on.
She then promised to sort everything out and for 3 weeks this worked. Now she's just as bad she doesn't let me know if or when they want her and i have to contact her.
I want to give her a good routine of when and where she is every week but its just all falling on deaf ears.
I feel so upset for my daughter because she shouts for her dad all the time and just couldn't care less.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Hi, I am in a very similar situation too, DS is suppost to (an arrangement they demanded from me) visit paternal grandparents every fortnight where his father sees him too, I contact the grandmother to arrange the visits (which can also be quite difficult and can result in arguments and confusion, she also tells me one thing and my ex another) and it began with every fortnight and barely any problems but now it is 3 weeks....6 weeks....etc between visits and DS is becoming upset as he is only 4 and doesn't understand why the visits are so erratic, at the same time my ex is telling people that I don't allow him access, in the end I have contacted them and explained that the arrangement is just not working out and have been advised by SS to have a lawyer send them a letter with a proposed access arrangement so the arrangement is more formal and will (hopefully) mean they can't pick and choose when to see him.

I also had to eventually call CSA as I was given no childsupport either for about a year, but now maintenance is taken from his wage and put in my bank account every month so no problems can be caused over that either.

I hope that was of help to you!

please be careful not to link maintenance money with access. the two do not work like that.
Your child is entitled to a relationship with her father. the money is a separate issue.
I hope it all works out for you.

Yes, ladydeedy the children are entitled to a relationship with their father. However, it's a shame that some of these deadbeat dads put everything and everyone, especially themselves, before their children.

OP contact the CSA wrt to maintenance. As for your ex offer him x amount of contact, every other weekend and one day during the week is a starting point. Point out to him that it is in his child's best interest to have regular, structured contact with him so she feels secure and loved. Turning up as and when he feels like it is not in her best interests and will be confusing for her.

I understand DC are not pay per view, but what kind of decent father chooses to refuse to financially support his DC??
I am on benefits right now, and my XP doesn't pay a single penny towards his DD.
I am struggling to provide DD with the basics some weeks, yet her father, who is deemed responsible enough and caring enough to have access to DD, can sleep at night knowing his DD is living in poverty, while he has everything he needs, wants and more besides.
To earn £750 a week and not pay a single penny towards his DD is a disgrace and I'm not sure someone who cares so little about their DC's welfare should be left in charge of them at all.

FWIW, I make DD available to see XP every other weekend, but that doesn't mean I think DD deserves to be left alone with such an inconsiderate selfish man and I struggle to call him a man.

I don't want money I want him to buy her things even just nappies and baby wipes. I can't stand the fact that i work full time and come out at the end of the month with barely anything. Yet he gets to swan about taking his girlfriend out here there n everywhere every weekend. Yet says he can't afford to buy her a pack of nappies.
I only said he couldn't see her to find out if it would shock him into actually looking at what he was doing.
On christmas day he even expected me to get a taxi to his house to drop her off and pick her up even though his mam drives n could of picked her up.
I really want her to have contact with her dad because i never seen mine growing up and now feel like i lost out on a lot of things.

Did you get a taxi to his house on christmas day to drop off/pick up?

No he told me his mam wouldn't bring him to mine but then i got a message off his cousin asking why i was stopping him from seeing her at christmas n basically i should be ashamed of myself!! So i rang his mam n asked her what he had said and she told me he'd said i'd refused to let him have her. She told me he hadn't even asked her to pick her up. She actually came over n got her then dropped her off before her dinner.