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advice please!

3 replies

confusedparent · 15/03/2011 20:19

Hello

My DS visits his father every other weekend (contact order in place) and i'm worried about my ex's lack of care of my DS.

My son is four. He has (over the last few months) come back from my ex wearing clothes age 2-3, shoes 2 sizes too small, dirty due to the fact his dad never bathes him, 'yellow fuzzy' teeth due to ex not supervising/enforcing teeth cleaning (son is only 4 after all so cant be trusted to do this alone!).
On a more serious note my DS has returned with a burn to his hand where he 'fell' into the open fire grate due to being left to play unsupervised in a room with an open fire which had no guard up. He has had an infection under his foreskin due to spending a week with my ex and not being bathed. He regularly returns very tired as he is allowed to go to bed at 10/11pm. He is left to play on the Wii for hours at a time and he spends the friday night (of ex's weekend) at his paternal grandparents sleeping in his old cotbed coz they haven't got round to getting him a bed yet.

While i'm sure (almost) my ex is not wilfully neglecting my DS. I think it's more a lack of parenting skill and lack of perception of danger, I need some advice as to what I should do?????????

I'm certain social services will not touch this as it it just not serious enough to concern them, but for me it's so hard to stomach. I would not allow my DS to spend time with a friend/other family member where this lack of care was given but because it is his dad am i too accept it?

Other people have told me i should accept that my ex has a different, more 'carefree' style of parenting and I just have to accept it. I have tried talking to my ex but his response is that i'm overprotective, he can dress his son how he likes, he can choose what time his son goes to bed and that I am just being picky. I can't just let it go on as I worry a bigger accident could occur and the lack of cleanliness, clothes that fit etc is just not acceptable to me.

ADVICE PLEASE!!!!

Thank you!!

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 15/03/2011 22:00

keep takiung him to GP to get burns and infections recorded. express your concerns to gp. gp can decide if needs to be referred to ss for follow up but it would mean you both being investigated/interviewed. but so long as you ahve nothing to hide you will be find

Meglet · 15/03/2011 22:06

IMO that's not a 'carefree' style of parenting, it's bloody lazy, potentially dangerous and won't do your DS any good.

Agree that going to your GP might trigger off investigations but if you are confident in what might be going on then hopefully it will help.

Youngmum7 · 15/03/2011 22:24

I had a very similar problem with my ex, I mentioned my concerns to the health visitor and she contacted social services which were a great help, they met with my ex for a discussion and offered me advice and support in coming up with a new arrangement for ex to strengthen his parenting skills, this was around 2 years ago and the new arrangement worked very well but now recently there have been similar problems cropping up with DS visiting paternal grandparents with his father and when I went to SS again for advice they suggested my lawyer (there is also a contact order in place) write a letter explaining the conditions I wanted put in place when DS visited, reasonable bedtimes etc. You are the main caregiver and if you suspect your child's needs are not being met then you have every right to raise your concerns and make sure he is being taken care of when he is visiting family. Good luck!

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