My story is not dissimilar and my DD is 6, we left 18 months ago. We've recently started seeing a child and family therapist as DD started having, well for lack of a better word, outbursts.
She's now been able to tell me two things that have been hard to hear, but made things much better. Firstly she feels that it is her job to make me happy, more importantly not to tell me that she is upset or sad. Secondly she is scared of getting upset because she thinks I will be angry with her if she gets upset. This is beacuse her Dad would get very angry with me if I got upset or didn't agree with him.
Hard stuff to hear as a mother, especially as part of the reason I stayed so long with her Dad was because she adores him so much. (The other reason is that he would not let me leave, but that's another story.)
My advice would be that if you can afford it, go and see a therapist. I pay £40 a session and IMO a couple of hundred pounds now will be money well spent. If you genuinely can't afford it, there are still some charities who offer therapy and counselling, the NSPCC are also very good.
Having said all that, I think some of your DD's behaviour is pretty normal. But that's the thing when you've been through this sort of thing - you're never sure what is normal anymore.