Applying for Decree Nisi and feeling so sad

[Bringonthegoat]

Have got the paperwork through to apply for decree nisi and am feeling heart broken. I know we have to get divorced but I don't want to. My bottom lip is out and I'm feeling all kinds of awful about the end of my marriage.

We were so happy some of the time and maybe that doesn't make the bad OK but I do miss the good bits. I don't want to be a sinlge mum, I don't want to be alone. After all that's happened I miss what we had.

Sorry I'm rambling but I'm fucking sad. I still wish he was home - I know I shouldn't accept him back but I dream of turning back the clock and wiping it all away.

Most of all I miss his freindship. We stopped treating each other well but we used to be such great friends- we laughed, loved, enjoyed each other's company so much. I'll never find that again.

Anyone there to hold my hand a bit?

Hmmmmm. I was quite happy to have my Decree Nisi and can apply for my Decree Absolute a week on Monday and can't wait, so I'm not relating to you on that level - but Hugs for you. That's hard.

I also thought I was friends with my ex, (while we were together) and we had good times, I cant say we didn't. But you know, don't say you won't ever find that again - because you will find it again! You will feel like you won't until you do :)

BOTG sorry you feel like that.

I am looking at which solicitor to use to divorce h and I suspect there will be upsetting moments although we have done all the dc/finance stuff and sold the familt home.

If I find my mind drifting to what you describe I remember that my h bore no resemblance in latter years to the man I spent the first decade with so it would be mourning a chimera really.

BOTG - I feel for you. I felt terribly sad when my divorce came through & even exH (who is a nice bloke but not known for displays of sensitivity ) admitted to being affected. Like you I had a marriage with plenty of good bits but as you put it "we stopped treating each other well". On the day the Decree Absolute came through we both apologised to each other. It was unplanned and very moving (brings tears to my eyes even now) but I'm so glad we did it. I miss the friendship most too (we were together for 20 years - met at Uni)- we are at least friendly now. It is a sad thing & it's natural to mourn.

I'm always thinking to myself "I'll never have that again(so why bother)" - but when I saw your that same comment in your post - I thought " ... but you might find something different but good" - guess I need to say that to myself too...

Take Care x

Hi.

I totally know how you feel and I felt so alone when my relationship broke down. I too never contemplated being a single mum, having a child was a joint decision and at the time I was so mad he could just walk away.

I also felt so sad for my DD that she would not have both parents all the time.

I am now 4 years on and I have such a close bond with my DD. As it has been the 2 of us we are so close and that is very special.

It does get easier.
Keep going x

Hi - Thanks so much for all your replies. DD woke up not long after I posted and we went out. It was lovely to come back and find these messages of support. Especially as I am having a dip on this roller coaster of a ride. Seems all the time I'm occupied I'm OK, but when I stop, I'm not. There is so much time I'm not occupied too, being a single parent is so much lonlier than I ever thought it could be.

haribo - XH walked out on us two weeks before xmas so I guess it is still early days - I try to remind my self it was all so quick and was only recent really.

I think all of you who say I will find something different are right. Different would be good anyway - maybe some of his good points, mixed with others and none less of his bad points.

I keep thinking on how he isn't happy either and that all this seems pointless if neither of us are happy Most of all I feel bad for DD, like I've let her down. I see my fried's DP's being constant, present fathers and I wish she could experience that.

We were married for nearly 3 years and together for 3 years before that. DD is only 16 months old.

There are things we both did that were pretty bad but the way he left was awful. Just text from work saying he wasn't coming back. When I think on things like that I don't even know why I care. There are reasons though and truthfully he's not a bad person.

You are right about DD - she should not grow up around arguing and hurt.

Am not bad today - we will get there, eh!?!

Thanks again x