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Lone parents

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Soon to be lone mum of 3. Will I cope - worried

5 replies

Montessorisam · 10/03/2011 14:04

Hi there,

My husband and I are soon to split up. This time I mean it when I say our relationship has to end. Our rows have been going on for three years, probably longer...

We have 3 kids. My youngest is 20 months. I work 4 days a week.

Basically, I have felt for a long time that DH has very little respect for what I do, he is manipulative, puts me down, critisizes and has destroyed my confidence through his use of words. Over the years he has told me that I moan constantly and have been made to feel that whenever I have had a bad day or the kids are stressing me out that it is somehow my fault because I 'can't relax, always shouting, always tired....' etc.

I know that I am a fairly positive person. I know that if things need doing then I do them and if things need changing then I change them. I don't sit around moaning about things.

When our third child was born I got up with him every morning (and still do) and got the other two ready and off to school. Sometimes these morning could get stressful. He would lie in bed and then if I raised my voice at the kids tell me that I was 'always shouting' and that looing after the kids isn't that hard! This is a tiny example of how it has been over the years. Added to this he would sleep in the spare room every night for a year so that he could get his sleep whilst I was up with baby 3 every night. And he had the cheek to say these things!

Anyway, I could go on about it all but won't. I just need to know what your experiences of single motherhood is like? Is there light at the end of the tunnel? When he is gone I look forward to some peace, less tension around him, better sleep (he drinks a lot every night and snores, keeping me awake. He says that it is my fault because I am a light sleeper!) I look forward to being able to BE WHO I AM without worrying about being criticised!

OP posts:
hariboegg · 10/03/2011 15:06

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hariboegg · 10/03/2011 15:07

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halfcaffodils · 10/03/2011 15:17

Wow, he moved out to the spare room? Mine insisted on staying in the kingsize while I was exiled to the spare room with both our dc!
You are in a place which I have been very very close to a few times, and may be back there again any time soon if this latest 'miracle' of sobriety on dh's part proves to be shortlived. I have decided that I would definitely cope one way or another.
Will he move out willingly? This could be the biggest stumbling block, IMO. I have a close friend who was forced to leave the family home and rent a tiny flat as her feckless DH point blank refused to go.

gettingeasier · 10/03/2011 17:09

I look forward to being who I am without being criticised for it

Yes Yes Yes !!!

My marriage bore similarities to yours certainly the bit where I was a whole host of bad things.

Nobody says those kind of things to me anymore or ever speaks to me the way he did.

I am sooo much happier and yes of course there are downs and anxious times but the positive far outweigh living with a man who doesnt love or respect you

Montessorisam · 10/03/2011 19:04

THANK YOU!! For your words of encouragementX

It might take him a while to move out. Despite his being deeply unhappy as he says he is, he finds lots of excuses not too. He says he would never see the kids due to his running a business and being there all the time. He says he can't afford his own place. I reckon if I was as unhappy as he makes out he is then I would be off like a shot!! In fact, if he drags his heels for much longer it may well be me and the kids moving out which will be a nightmare.

Will cross that bridge as and when.

My hard times have already started; childminder just rang to say she can't have my youngest tomorrow whilst I work. Luckily I can take him into my work as it is a nursery. Had to call on Mother in law for the extra help with the other kids. Lots of phone calls and begging!! Mother in law is never happy to do these thing! But I figure they are her grandkids too, as much as they are my husbands kids!! I guess I am coping already.

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