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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

New to MN

8 replies

jenjamevo · 09/03/2011 10:27

Hi I'm new

Separated 7 months, 2 kids (I have seen on other posts DD not sure what that means) 3 & 6. Work 2 evenings a week.

Ex moved into a rented house 6 weeks ago but not yet had them over to the house. He sees them 4 times a week. He has them for me while I'm at work at my house mon & tues comes round for an hour or so on Friday and has them at his mothers on Sat.

Was all going well till he said he couldn't do Mon & tues anymore then back tracked saying he wanted me to get someone to releave him for 2 hour because he didn't want to stay in my house while they were alseep.

I have now found out he has a girlfriend.

Hope this isn't going to be the start of everything going bad. Need some support from mum's net most of my friends are still in couples or havn't got kids

OP posts:

MavisEnderby · 09/03/2011 10:34

Hello jen.Welcome to mn,sure you will find support on here.

dd= dear daughter,ds= dear son dh/dp =dear husband/partner.If you click on the acronyms bit at the top you will get a fuller explanation

Also a LP since partner died last year.Have 2 dcs 7 and 5 and work pt.

Sorry you are having a few issues with your ex atm.Please feel free to have a good rant,there are a lot of LPS on MN and usually several around if you need to talk.I also find the main board a good way of passing the time of an evening,just click on active conversations and pile in!!!

Original poster

jenjamevo · 09/03/2011 10:39

Sorry to hear about your partner must be so hard. Don't know how I would cope ... must be difficult for the dcs.

OP posts:

MavisEnderby · 09/03/2011 10:50

Well he was ill for a long time,so it was kind of expected,sadly.

They are amazing really.

It is weird adjusting to being a LP at first though.On the plus side though I can do exactly what I want,within reason,lol!Have no man to pick up after,no one to argue with about putting the bins out etc!Oh and I have the whole bed to myself to laze about in,and can be a slob and eat takeaway in bed when the dcs have gone to sleep if I want without anyone looking at me like this > :o

Original poster

jenjamevo · 14/03/2011 11:16

I've put on weight since the separation due to noone being there to give me those funny looks. I was epecting to loose weight with stress or something.

I've had a bad weekend with the ex. He turned up on Friday as normal to take ds to swimming lesson. He had no let me know if he was having the dc's overnight at the weekend. He then told me he was havng them on Saturday night he'd pick them up after their tea and he had stuff to do on Sunday afternoon so he's bring them back at 3!! for the passed 6/7 months he'd had them all day Saturday. This totally messed my plans, may parents plans and his parent plan's as they were expecting them on Saturday. I have a good relationship with my mother in law. He is now saying he can't look after them after 7pm ( I work till 9 2 nights a week) My parents are now going to look after the dc's for me. He's shot himself in the foot really now he can't see them. I really don't know what to do. I asked him when he dropped the dc's off if he was having them next weekend and he said he'd let me know. I told him I needed to know asap he asked WHY? I don't think he realises he's messing everyones life up!!! I'm just so mad with him.

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 14/03/2011 12:29

keep saying teh chidlren need to knwo what is ahppneing with contact with teir dad.

ask him if he will meet with you and a mediator to discuss the schedule and draw up one you can both agree to - and agree to stick to it.

neother of you should rely on the other to babysit /child care for work reasons - it wont work.

look up "parenting plans" and draw one up - sign and agree on all issues now - might avoid problems later

GypsyMoth · 14/03/2011 12:36

agree with cestlavielife

dont rely on him for childcare

mmsmum · 14/03/2011 13:45

Hi, DD is Devil Daughter and DC is Devil Child

I wouldn't panic yet as it's early days in your separation so maybe plans changing are good so everyone gets comfortable with something that suits everyone

I agree that you need independent childcare while you work, depending on an ex causes so many problems it's just not worth it

dougaldo · 02/04/2011 13:07

Thank you all. My parents are now my childcare I can rely on them.

He popped down for an hour to see the kids and I had to encourage him to play with them. He is going away for the weekend but did not tell them he won't be seeing them. I've only just found out he's gone to America Not sure why he didn't tell them.

It's going to be hard to pin him down to do a parenting plan.... I'm not sure he wants to be a parent anymore.

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