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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

New member :(

13 replies

sufficient · 06/03/2011 18:15

Hi, I've namechanged (was robberbutton over on relationships thread).

Just found out H is still in contact with his OW, 4 months after I discovered their affair. He's gone now.

What do I do first?

Have made myself a cup of tea. Shaking. Can't think :(

Oh, we have 3 DCs age 5, 2 and 1.

Wow.

OP posts:
ginnyjeans · 06/03/2011 18:21

Well, cup of tea was a good start. What did I do first? Mmm. Called my friend. Cried. But you will get through it. A year and a half down the line I am happier than I was with H. I can honestly say that.

Are you sure they are still having an affair? Are you definitely through?

Original poster
sufficient · 06/03/2011 18:34

Checked the phone bills for the first time today for some reason. Hundreds of calls and texts over the last 4 months when he swore blind he wasn't in contact with her any more.

Thanks for your reply :)

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ginnyjeans · 06/03/2011 18:40

Oh poor you. Well, at least he wasn't very good at keeping it secret. So now you know. How do you feel? You sound a bit shocked?

My stbxh (2 weeks and counting!!) admitted to sleeping with someone when I was pregnant. Other than that I don't know about any other women. He's seeing someone else now (but that happened after we split). You've been through a tough time. He's an idiot. Hope you know it's about him and not you. Some of these men really are twits.

Original poster
sufficient · 06/03/2011 20:15

Thank you :)

Need to research solicitors, benefits (am SAHM)...

Bloody hell.

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ginnyjeans · 06/03/2011 20:19

You will get plenty of help as your kids are so young. My advice would be to contact the benefits agency straight away. I must admit, I didn't do this as I just couldn't focus on anything, but I managed to get some of it backdated. There is also help with rent/mortgage. At least you don't have to stress there.

Good luck with everything.

FeelingOld · 06/03/2011 20:51

Sufficient - I would say just concentrate on getting through each day at the moment, dont try to look too far ahead as i found that very scary.

Look into benefits when you can, i didnt straight away cos i was scared of bursting into tears when asked questions by people but all the people i saw understood and were really helpful.

Just look after yourself and your little ones and if you have someone you can talk to i think it helps.

amicable · 06/03/2011 21:28

Hi Sufficient

Would second what's been said above re benefits. I went quite quickly to local job centre. You are entitled to income support until your youngest child is 5 (it is 7 at the moment, but changing to 5 quite soon).

Also, call child tax credits, you get a big increase in those with being a sole parent.

Plus you'll get housing benefit if you are renting, or help with the mortgage interest payments (but only based on an APR of about 3%, and only on the interest portion of the monthly payment, from 13 weeks after you first claim for income support). you are also entitled to council tax benefit. Plus, probably you'll get free school dinners, but this may depend on your local authority.

It was hard at first phoning around to get advice from the different agencies. The first person I called I burst into tears when I said 'my marriage has broken down', but by the last call it felt a lot easier to say. It also helped me start to realise that this was actually happening.

Take care x

Original poster
sufficient · 06/03/2011 22:01

Hi amicable

Thanks FeelingOld.

Thanks for the advice. Deep breaths, one day at a time. Brew

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ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 06/03/2011 22:16

sufficient I remember you posting as robberbutton, I'm so sorry to hear this Sad

Re benefits, you should be entitled to IS and child tax credits. You should also get council tax benefit too, don't forget to make sure you get the discount too, so if in future you do start paying council tax you'll get the 25% discount.

I understand it will probably feel overwhelming atm but the sooner you do it the better. It'll also give you a feeling of taking control which will hopefully make you feel a little stronger too.

simpson · 06/03/2011 22:38

you can speak to benefits people over the phone (thats what I did) and they were brilliant and made appt for me at local job centre and told me exactly what I would need to take with me etc....

There are a fair few of us on the lone parents support thread, you are more than welcome to come over and join us Smile

My DC are 5 & 3 BTW....

Original poster
sufficient · 06/03/2011 23:19

Great tips, thank you :)

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balia · 06/03/2011 23:27

Am 8 years down the line. Maybe twice a year I have nightmares - that I am still married to him - wake up heart pounding, sweat covered.

Such bliss to lie back down realising it is just a dream. I'm so much happier now, secure, loved, and my DD is wonderful, on target to get fantastic GCSE's and very well-balanced with as good a relationship with her Dad as could be hoped. You will be fine, too, much better than before you found out.

Good Luck and Fuck him.

Original poster
sufficient · 07/03/2011 11:54

Thanks balia. Quite :)

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