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Original poster

First date tips needed!

7 replies

doughnutdolly · 05/03/2011 23:25

Help! Been single now for about 18months and life with my two DC's is pretty good. During and after the break up I never actually thought I would be happy as a SP but low and behold things have turned out fine and all's well. However, have recently joined an online dating site and have been 'chatting' with a bloke I like look and sound of. He has now asked me to meet up. Although I'm chuffed and excited (was with my ex for 10years) am also s**t scared! I'm full of apprehension and doubt; what if he's been lying about himself? what if he's just after one thing? what if, what if???? My ex turned out to be a liar and a cheat so I guess it's made me wary. Although I don't for a second think all guys are like him. Just worried they're the ones I attract! So if I go on this date, what's the best way to prepare myself? how do I best 'sound him out?'

I've been feeling pretty good about myself and the life I've created for my 2 DC's since the break up - just worried that if I jump back into the 'dating' thing I'll get hurt and have to start again. Is t worth it???

OP posts:
doinmummy · 06/03/2011 02:53

Dont look on him as a potential partner but as a friend. Follow your instinct..just chat about normal things...if anything sounds iffy ask him about it..be direct. If he's genuine he wont mind.

lilacisinlove · 06/03/2011 09:12

I agree...be polite, friendly but cautious. I met the love of my life on a dating site last year after two disastrous long term relationships with tossers, so there is hope :)

You're very welcome to join us on the 'fit and interesting' thread - I think we have become MN's resident experts on internet dating as a LP!

BooBooGlass · 06/03/2011 10:06

How long have you been chatting with him? I met my dp via internet dating and we met up after about 2 or 3 weeks of chatting iirc. Brilliant first date, we got on like a house on fire, but second date didn't go quite so well for me, I think because I had heavy expectations on my shoulders and was worryign about everything that could go wrong- I was literally waitign for him to trip himself up and reveal himself to be a wanker. He never has I'm pleased to say :)
The thing to do is to take it extremely slowly and go with no expectations. A very informal first date is good, we went to a quiet bar and had a bottle of wine, but maybe go for something in the daytime? Just a coffee maybe, woth the option of stayign for a few hours, or leaving after just one if you don't like him.
I think starting dating again is scary as you do risk being hurt again. But I'm so glad I took a chance. It's still extremely early days for us, we've been together nearly 5 months, but I'm so happy I did go for that first date. You'll be nervous, but that's to be expected. And whatever you do, do not get the children involved too quickly.

Mummalish · 07/03/2011 12:30

So? Have you had the date yet? Spill the beans...:)

Original poster
doughnutdolly · 07/03/2011 15:54

Oh thanks for your advice - nice to know that some have had really positive experiences. No we haven't had date yet - I've only just responded saying that yes I'd be up for meeting him but I did'nt make any suggestions as to when or where - trying hard to play it 'cool' when actually i've really no idea what to suggest! My two DC's are also not staying over at their Dad's until a week on Fri so will be a while before I can catch up with him anyway.

Where do you think best place is to meet? I've a feeling I might feel better with a glass of wine in my hand but feel sick at thought of walking into a pub on my own to meet a strange bloke! Jeez I'm such a woose....... Any ideas??

OP posts:
notgreat1 · 07/03/2011 19:35

I have been seeing someone for a couple of months, and we met the same way as you. It's all going well, and we get on really well, although not quite the passion I was looking for!
We met in a pub for a 'quick' drink, so both of us knew we could just stay for a short space of time.
In fact, there was a quiz on, which acted as a bit of a distraction, although we didn't do the quiz, we sort of listened to some of the questions, which kept the conversation flowing. Also gave us some great people watching opportunities, which allowed our similar sense of humours to come through!
hth!

doinmummy · 07/03/2011 22:45

I'd meet in the afternoon for a coffee.

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