How do you do it?

[SomebodySomeday]

It's possible that in the next few weeks I might become a single mum. H and I have pretty much admitted there's no future and he's waiting for me to say the final word and tell him to leave (too scared to do that at the moment).

So this is my question:
How do you do it? Especially at the beginning?

I'm on mat leave still and am due to start a lowly part time job next month. The problem is it's with the same very small company that H works for and he's already said he doesn't want me working there (fair enough).

My family are all over 150 miles away.

I've no money, few friends and no idea.

He phoned the mortgage company this morning about taking his name off the mortgage and they said I'd have to reapply for the mortgage in my name only. No chance of that with no money, so I don't even know if I'd be able to stay here.

I don't know what answers I'm looking for. Just needed to write it all down (haven't been able to talk to anyone).

That sounds like a very shitty situation, but I would say the least of your worries is the actual parenting/baby looking after side of becoming a single parent.

Sounds like you might have a lot on your hands financially, and obvs with splitting up with someone, which is never easy. But I have been on my own since I was 3 months pregnant, and I honestly don't find it tremendously difficult. I hate that I'm on benefits, but i need to be to look after my son. Its a joy to be a mother, alone or not, and I think as long as you put your baby before any other worries you'll be fine.

It sucks that your family are so far away. I would seriously consider moving closer to them, especially if your job is with your soon to be ex. There's not all that much keeping you where you are, unless he gets a court order to stop you moving.

But keep your chin up anyway, it ALWAYS works out in the end, and at least you'll have your beautiful baby to keep you going :)

Thank you Bronwen

Now you mention it, looking after DD has been the last thing I'm worried about. I do all of it anyway at the moment and I'm actually quietly looking forward to it being just the two of us.

I think you're right about moving closer to family. It's a shame though because we live in a stunning area where I would love to see DD grow up.

Financially, it is not for your Dh to say he doesn't want you working there, needs must and all that.

You can claim Income Support, Child Benefit, Working Families Tax credits and single occupancy for Council Tax and possible help with that depending on your salary. Also, any mainainance you are entitled to is not deducted from your benefits.

With regards to your house, you are entitled to stay in the family home and you can get a court order for your husband to remain named on the mortage until you can take it on.

You need to work out the maths and to do that I would advise you went to the CAB, a solicitor and the Lone Parent Advisor at your local Job Centre.

I would suggest seeing a solicitor regarding finances, especially as you are married. There are provisions in place for the 'family home' and you and DD remaining there if that is what you want to do. Have you discussed finances with H?
I think its a bit off for H to say he doesn't want you working there, are you happy to still work there? Are there other jobs you could get easily? If not then perhaps he has to put up with until you are able to find somewhere else. Is he going to provide extra money because he says you can't work?

It would be a shame if you love your area, I live in a city, not ideal for children, but being close to my family is more important to me, especially as me and the baby wouldnt really have anyone due the lack of father situation.

You can also claim Mortgage Interest element of Income Support, I am not sure of the rules now, but when I claimed 3 years ago, I had to prove that I had been deserted to benefit immediately, otherwise you had to wait many months, but I think this has changed for the better now.