sad lonely rant!

[LostInSockLand]

Hoping for suggestions .

I'm so lonely at the moment (have been for a long time). I'm obviously a lone parent, have been single for years and i'm happier that way really, I got tired of being cheated on and messed around by men who didn't seem to understand that I couldn't just drop everything (including my kids)for them.

I did have a group of friends about five years back..they were very much friends of a friend (came as a package with her as such). When she decided to drag me into her relationship to the point where her violent bf started threatening me just because I was her friend I backed off. I'd helped her and supported her for a long time (we'd been friends since childhood) but this was just too much. I know that sounds awful but i'd been there for her for so many years just to have it thrown back in my face time and time again when she got back together with him (often).

I had workmates who stabbed me in the back when I was made redundant...they no longer wanted to know me.

I had neighbours who I thought were friends until I found out they were bitching about my son...so I backed off again.

Now my one remaining friend (I know, it sounds pathetic) has found a man and doesn't ring me or see me anymore.

My dad and his side of the family dont bother with me at all, never have really. The only person I have is my mum and she's pretty much drunk after 7pm.

I cant believe that at age 32 I spend my life stuck in this house. I spend all day on my own, my kids come back, have tea, go to bed. I spend all night on my own. I dont see anyone, or speak to anyone. I've been applying for jobs for 18 months with no success. I'm going mad here. I'm not a bad person, i'm a loyal friend and a good listener. I just seem to get used all of the time. I've got noone. I'm not living, i'm existing and I dont know how to change it

What about doing a collge course. That way you can improve your skills and meet new people. If you are a lone parent you may be eligable to get the course fees paid and help with any childcare costs. It will probably help your self esteem too.

Does any of your DC have a friend whose mum you are friendly with that perhaps you could arrange to meet up with at soft play/swimmimg/pizza restaraunt/park?

Could you do some voluntary work? Places such as NHS are desperate for volunteers and this will help with job applications and give you opportunities to get outside your house and mix with other adults.

Sorry you are feeling this way.

my ds is in secondary so no school gate thing there and dd goes to a very nice primary school not in our area (my choice, our local school is very rough with rubbish reports). The downside of that is none of the mums want to know me (council house scum as far as they are concerned).

How would I go about finding voluntary work?

Thanks for your reply

I sometimes feel like this, and try to remember that if nothing else, I am raising 2 children so I am doing something worthwhile, not just existing, even though it seems repetitive most of the time. Don't mean to be patronising, but you have decided your children need a good education at a good school, that's a great attitude, you must be a great mother.
I agree voluntary work is a good plan. I am thinking of writing to all the schools in my area offering my services to help with reading etc, as a way of gaining experience in a school, as I really want to get a job in a school to just work term time.

I know, I do feel happier knowing i'm doing the best for my kids of course. Just that i've lived on my own for over 12 years now, lost four jobs due to redundancy over the last few years...bit by bit it's all gone and it seems no matter what I do I lose everything while everyone else goes onwards and upwards!

Look on NHS website or at your local hospital ask for voluntary services. There is a huge range of opportunities within NHS but you will have to have a CRB done. NHS will pay for it as long as you volunteer for at least 6 months.

You could ask in library where you could find out about voluntary projects in your area.

Have you tried with the mums in your DDs school? Could your DD invite a friend home/take her somewhere, a friend whos mum seems more friendly than the others, and when you drop her home have a little chat to the mum? If you got to know one mum in a group then you could perhaps go over to her in the playground and get chatting to her friends as well.

Do you have a local arts centre? sure start centre? they often hold classes for stuff to help with parenting, job skills or just hobby stuff like painting or photography. That may be fun and you will also get to meet new people.

What about going to a gym? exercise class? It will get you out of the house and exercise will make you feel a bit better.

I cant afford a gym, I dont have babysitters for exercise classes

The mums at school really dont have any time at all for people like me...it wouldn't matter how hard I tried. Very much an exclusive group from the "nice estate". Dd was invited to one of their children's parties some years ago (they had attended the same private nursery) and I spent a very uncomfortable two hours snubbed by all the mums when they realised we had nothing in common..funnily enough, despite dd's perfect manners and behaviour we weren't invited again.

Voluntary work is probably the way to go I think.

Sounds horrid whereabouts are you so I can avoid it like the plague!!

I hate snobby parents what gives anyone the right to look down on others is beyond me!

You should have a local voluntary development agency (VDA) that can help you find suitable voluntary work. You might be able to get information from the library or CAB if you can't find your local VDA.

Also try www.singlewithkids.co.uk
They do single parent holidays starting at budget prices and they also do local trips. It sounds like you need a new network of friends!

Try do-it.org.uk