Depressed Lone Parent

[atomicdust]

Hi All

A "friend" of mine ( I do not know her for very long but I see her often and we do have very personal discussions) is rather depressed, she recognises it but I kind of feel that she plays her "depression" as her excuse rather than trying to do smething about it...

She's a very young mother of a little adorable baby girl, she's single (unfortunately, and splitting-up was not her decision) and unemployed (Baby is 8 months old).

She does not seem to have bonded with her toddler, she sometimes has "anger crisis" against the baby (especially when Baby cries, wants feeding, wake her up at night) and I feel that she blames - at least unconsciously- the baby for her diminished social life and general lack of opportunities that she see for herself (friends, going-out, boyfriends, jobs)...

she does seem to find it difficult to see the positive side of things (a beautiful baby girl, a confortable council house, the spring coming...) and dwells on all her "difficult personal circunstances" and "inadequate housing" and "low benefit"...and I'm trying trying trying to take her out for walks, to the park, to toddlers groups, showing her ways of getting a part-time job (more friends, more structure, more social integration), or furthering her education to improve her long-term opportunities....

Any idea to make her realise the opportunities are there but need to be grabed???

Hello Hariboegg,

You're perfectly right about "encouraging her to talk to her GP about her feeling", or even the health visitor about possible PND or another form of depression that can be treated with some prescribed drugs....problem is she did but her GP did not diagnose her symptoms as showing a form of depression!

OP you obviously do not understand what depression is

TBH she's probably exhausted and a bit depressed. Just stay friends with her as it will be a hard slog for her for a long time yet. She might find it easier when the summer is here and the baby starts to sleep better.

I have to say I hope your comment about her being unemployed wasn't a dig at her. She has a baby to care for and is on her own, she has enough on her plate for the time being.

She's in a very difficult situation. I think there's a difference between depression and feeling down about things. You only know what she tells you and have called her a 'friend' so it is difficult for you to know the difference. All you can do is give her good advice, continue to spend time with her; because you want to not because you feel you have to, and hope that she turns a corner.

i think that she is resenting the baby because she feels like she is missing out on something out there. when you have a baby its not all about 'you' anymore and the younger you have a baby it is probably harder to accept this fact. You really hav to change the way she is thinking your right in saying she should concentrate on the positives she has a beautiful baby and should feel privilaged as many people cant have a baby. do you think she could have post natal depression i think there may be?

it was just somethin u said:
'and I feel that she blames - at least unconsciously' ive had postnatal depression and i feel this is a strong indicater of it. the more i think about it i feel confident in saying thats what the problem is. a mother shouldn't blame her baby.

Thank You All for your advice and comments, lots of interesting stuff from this thread - definitely "food for my little brain".

Thanks especially to Meglet: oh yes when the weather is sunny we definitely feel so much better!

And to Nathalie's really sharp analysis: I agree with you that she may have what we commonly call "PND", but not diagnosed by a GP and it's not PND in the clinical term!

But I was not in any way having a dig at her by stating she's unemployed (and possibly currently living off benefits); the point is that it's far more stressing to have a Baby but a supporting partner, and being a lone parent make it all harder to get a job!

I believe that she is clever enough to realise her difficult situation!