Now single at 40 weeks + 4 with 2 other dc, not sure I can do this!

[mannicmummyhavinaiccy]

I was so looking forward to this homebirth I've been fighting tooth and nail to get, and now, at 40 + 4 I'm nor sure I can do any of it, I m not sure I can give birth to dc3 or how im going to look after her or cope with life in general. Everything was looking great, we tried for a few months to get pregnant, I got the little girl I was wishing for, but after Xmas, everything fell apart. In feb my beloved grandad died, then my partner started making digs about eveything from my increased weight to acussing me of wanting to have an affair! Then a few weeks ago, I found out he has been taking money out of our savings account, he was staying out and I think he was having an affair with his boss. He has been complaining I'm being a nag about keeping the house clean (I do get a bit hyper over germs when I'm pregnant, but as this is our 3rd, it's nothing new) my mum thinks he has been pushing my buttons so I chuck him out, so he doesn't feel guilty about leaving 3 kids, he done that to his 1st 2 from aprevious relationship. This all came to a head on Sunday, the day before my due date and my late grandads birthday, he said some hurtful things, and told me to leave as the kids don't want me anyway, and told my 3 year old to tell me he is scared of me. So I told him to leave as the kids are scared. He said gladley, I havn't seen him scince. I'm now in town I don't have any friends or famliy, my mum is a good 2 hours away. So will be giving birth alone, which I don't mind, but am worried about the kids if I get transfured to hospital. I can't stop crying and don't want to be a single mum of 3, just don't think I can do it I'm not sleeping and keep thinking I wish I wasn't pregnant, which makes me think how evil I must be for thinking this way. Sorry about the rant, but I just need to get somethings of my chest.

I am so so sorry you are going through this. You dont sound Evil at all you sound at the end of your teather. Would you mum be able to come to you for a few days, or do you have any close friends that can come?

I really feel for you what an awful thing your partner has done, unforgivable, he has shown that he is no father and you will be a better parent and your children will be happier without him..

Sending you a hug babe.
You can do this, sadly because you have too.
Keep posting and all the lovely lps here will help when they can.

Cant do or say anything to make this easier except say I have 3, he began to unravel our marriage when I was pg ant left when dc3 was a year... I can do it and you will too xx

Oh hun - you are entitled to a rant! He's been a total shit just when you are at your most vulnerable.

Send your older 2 to your Mums for a fortnight so you don't have a social services emergency fostering situation on your hands when you go into labour. (I've seen that happen & it's rough on the kids) Put it in writing that you are doing so to their schools but DON'T ASK permission - tell them! Your Mum is on your side.

Then sort yourself out. By that I mean cook a few meals for the freezer, organise your hospital bag, birthing bits an bobs etc. Ring your midwife and let her know what's happened - the midwife and HV WILL give a bit of extra support in your situation & you'll appreciate knowing they are keeping an you so the stress doesn't affect the bairn, both now & after the birth. They've seen it all before and will be really helpful and will prob have some great advice for you. Get those last baby bits n bobs together. If you feel up to it splurge £20 on a gorgeous NB outfit for the first photo of your new little one in mothercare.

Call the benefits helpline - declare yourself a single parent. Call the tax credits & do the same.

Then whether he comes back or not you'll be fit and ready to be the best Mum ever to this new lil' one and to the 2 older ones when they return.

I'm aware I prob sound cold with the advice above - but it's what got me thru in a similar position - taking practcal steps to do it alone gave me summat to focus on instead of how much the barsteward had hurt me.
YOU CAN DO THIS!

Post here any time you like and we'll do our best to at least give you some moral support.

Agree with either asking your mum to come and stay with you for a while or sending your DC to stay with her so that they are looked after.

Do you come from the town you are currently in? If you have no friends or family there, you could consider moving back to your hometown permanently?

forget about everything at the moment and just think about your beautifl girl on the way
Can you speak to your midwife and make sure she can organise some extra support for you?
Can your mother come and stay or take the children at hers? Or any other friend could have the children? Can you afford to have a nanny to mind them?
These are the things you need to think about right now, the rest and any major decision can wait

Thanks for the kind words and advice, Im not sure I will able to do this! The birth doesn't worry me it's self, I'm dreading the coping after :( and I should be looking forward to meeting the baby, but I'm not anymore, and that makes me feel like a bad mum inadvance. Spoke to xp this morning, he wants to pick up his stuff ( including the tv and family pc) don't mind him taking his stuff, but leaving us without a tv I think is a bit harsh, but he said as I chucked him out, it's my fault. And he brought it all so it's his! I havn't worked and been a stay at home mum, scince ds was born, 3 years ago, so does that mean he can take the fridge too? Not that he will, just the important gadgets. He has also not been paying bill from before Xmas, so am in debt before I start! My mum is coming down on Monday to help, but she has to work, feel like asking her if we can all move back in with her! But would meen relocating the kids again, and all of us in one room.
The worse part is how it's changed my little boy, he's having nightmeres and accedents and asking if it's because he is being bad :(

Hey there, I am so sorry you are in this situation. I've been where you are - twice - I threw my XH out when I was 6 months pregnant with DS1 (DD was only 9mths old) and then 4 years later my XP left me for another woman when I was pg with DS2. I know the timing is completely shit, but you REALLY can do it! I'm not going to say it isn't the hardest thing I've ever done, but looking back now it was much better to have done it all on my own rather than to have stuck it out with a complete tosser!
Is there any way you can cut contact with him for a while, at least until the baby is born? Some of the decisions I made when my hormones were raging I lived to regret - let him collect his precious TV when it is more convenient for you.
Contact your midwife/health visitor and they will be able to help, as others have said already. They will be able to put you in touch with people who can offer real practical help, such as Gingerbread.

Whose house is it? Can you change the locks and pack his stuff for him and then tell him to leave you alone you are a bit busy at the moment and you can sort stuff out later?

If you can and haven't already I would stongly advise call Job centre and Tax credits to get the money coming in. I know it's a bad time but it would certainly help finances. (sorry if I am repeating and you've already done this)

You really can do it. Being on your own with your kids is much nicer than having an aggravating partner on the scene.

Tell all your friends what's happened, and ask if any of them can help with school runs/food shopping/general running around over the next 6 weeks. People love to help, honestly, they do. Something similar happened to me, and the people who were really my friends made sure I was never lonely or felt unloved.

I like the practical advice that bochead wrote, it's exactly what I'd advise too. Get the practical things sorted now, and also see if there's someone nice who'll come and stay closer to the time. Get money sorted, get the older kids sorted. Create some kind of routine for them that you feel you can stick to now, and get someone to continue that when you're in hos/busy with the baby. That way you're giving them all the stability you can.

Good luck!! Honestly, you're well rid. This makes it far simpler for you to concentrate on you and you little ones.

I didnt have any other dc when ex left me...this is a huge worry for you:(

Are their any childcare agencies services (private) that would mind your dc whilst you went into hospital to have the kids whist you were in hospital? Ask them do they have temp workers willing to do 24-48 hr shifts when time comes....sorry dont have a clue but trying to be in your shoes. are there any mums at school that could help? Otherwise your mum will have to take the time off work if your dc were at hers/or yours to mind dc....so best at yours...dont move yet if you can help it as you have to think of dc schools etc...what if ex is having a 'midlife crisis' and just needs to stop hissyfit and grow up and wants to come back? But going by what you said with his 1st wife...spots spring to mind!

Gingerbread/HV/Midwife etc like other MNs suggested might know as this situation is common among us single mums...except we have time to prepare where your f@@kwit husband has dropped this from a great height!

Plan, plan, PLAN....get everything ready....I totally agree with bochead advice and other MNs!

The f@@kwit doesn't deserve to breath the same air as your beautiful girl when she arrives.....she will bring you strength and love to carry on.
Sending you lots of (((hugs)))

This is going to sound callous but if it's a joint savings account, is there any money left and can you withdraw some? It sounds like he is trying to get everything he can.

I'm so sorry you are in this awful shitty position. As the poster above says, when you see your new baby you will find more strength than you thought you had.

Protect your financial stability and otherwise don't worry too much about the future. Deal with one day at a time. That is manageable.

A hug for you ((((())))) I hope you get lots and lots of RL support. Don't be afraid to accept or ask for it.

Thanks again for the kind comments, but I don't deserve them or my kids, I told the kids today I don't want to be a mummy anymore, I didn't mean it but there very upset! Bloody hate myself. Can't carry one like this. The way I see it is that I have 2 options- beg him to come back, even though I HATE him or let him take the kids. It's not fair in them to have a basket case mum that says such awful things. Please don't give me any sympathy, I don't deserve it. I'm just not a strong or nice person

You sound much more depressed than the first post! Have you seen the gp or a midwife? You really need some RL support .

I wish I could do something tangible to help.

Please pick up the phone and talk to someone. Is your mum still coming to help? It is NOT your fault you have been put in this situation. You CAN be strong, you just need a little extra support right now. I really wish I could help you too.

OK - lets be practical. you sound lovely but quite understandably exhausted and stressed.

No 1: decide if nor not you can go ahead with the home birth. That will take some uncertainty for you
No 2: if you get on well with your mum, ask if she will stay for the birth and possibly a couple of weeks after
No 3: reassure your children that we all get upset but everything will be fine (and it will)
No 4: financially get some free legal advice (first half hour usually free) about interim maintenance. this may resolve and it may not but you don't want money worries as well
No 5: make a list of other practical things, but don't panic if you don't manage them all. congratulate yourself if you achieve one of them.
No 6: there are lots of people here who will support you - use them.
No 7: don't forget to eat or you will feel more exhausted - even if its a snack if you don't have much time

And keep telling yourself you are a strong and a nice person. Take care xx

I hope you are feeling better this morning, honeyandlemon has given some really good advice there. Take things one step at a time, I will be thinking of you today xx

Are you happy to say which area you are in? If there is a childcare college nearby they may well be able to offer you a student to help in the daytime once/twice a week?

The childcare college idea is an amazing one!

Honeyandlemon where were you when I was having DS? Spoton.

You are not a bad mother. This time is when a woman is at the most vulnerable she'll ever be and the ex is only concerned about his fooking telly? No he's not better placed to look after the children long term on that basis alone hun! Cut him out totally until you are stronger.

You'll NEVER feel as scared and hurt and depressed again as you do right now. Do contact your GP/MW in real life - they can and will help you arrange support. There's not a woman alive in your shoes who wouldn't need help at this time so don't you dare shy away from asking for it.

A year from now you'll look back at this time and be totally relieved you pulled through - because you will!

bochead thankyou so much!

mannic mummy hope you are OK. things will get better and bochead is right, people will help and you will get through.

hang in there! x

GAS under different name.

Hoping childcare student may be a good one. If OP anywhere near me I work at a college so could help. if not nearby I'm happy to do the searching, make enquiries etc.

Hope you are ok OP.