My 8 year old DS feels sad because he doesnt have a 'best friend'

[jewel121]

Hi everyone,
useful comments will be much appreciated.
My 8 year old ds who is quite a sociable lovable cheeky chappy. However off late has been quite withdrawn and making comments that he is lonely and doesnt have a 'best friend'. He has become even more clingy to me and tbh its incredibly suffocating. I do however try my best to reassure him that it will pass. He is an only child and I am a single Mum. We dont have alot of family around and it is pretty much the two of us all day every day. He does have a busy social calender and he enjoys his activites throughout the week which keeps him busy and allows him to interact with other kids. I love being with him and communicating with him and we do have an incredible bond(always have) and this helps in getting out his emotions which he feels comfortable to share with me (thankfully)> However it is troubling for me to hear him like this.

Please suggest some advice as i already think ive covered most things.

Thanks :-)

My eldest DD was like this, she never had a 'best friend' at primary school and sometimes it would get her down a bit.

She's 14 now and since starting secondary school has lots of friends, I think it is because there is more choice and she has found people more like her.

You are obviously a great mum and doing everything you can for your DS. Keep encouraging him with his activities, maybe invite his favourite friend to play/for tea occasionally. It may not be reciprocated but DS should enjoy it.

Did he have a best friend before and they have fallen out, for whatever reason. Think it's quite common at that age. It may just blow over.

Everything will be OK in the end. It's not nice when they're sad though is it.

Does your DS go to school?

Just that it seems from your post that he doesn't, when you say it's just the two of you all day every day.

If he does go to school then maybe have a word with his teacher? Find out what the dynamics are at school and how he is fitting in. For example being moved to another table might help, or teacher might have some idea for (more!) extra curricular activities he will do.

I feel for you as my DS is 7 and has one best friend whom he only met a year ago and they fall out every day regularly too

Me and some other parents from my son's school class were talking about this the other day and most of us said we don't encourage 'best friends' and just say it's nice to have lots of friends that all get on. One mum had an older DD and the best friend thing had caused lots of tears and angst for her.

My DS has autism and I'm noticing his peers are all pairing off a little, he is oblivious but it makes me feel a little sad for him.

It's good he has you but I can empathise with the close bond sometimes being overwhelming for you.

I agree you should keep up his activities and encourage any interests he has. Is there anything else he would like to do? Any games or clubs?

Thanks everyone for your comments... we have started Cubs and he also attends other activites. He does go to school- i was referring to weekends. But im also looking into that.It does get hard but on a sunny note- its not forever. Its because we love them so much we try to sometimes'fix' everything which i am beginning to realise is impossible. I do think he is generally a sweet boy and extremely sociable, just hasnt made that special bond with any one in particular which seems to be important to him. Altough i have to agree with you AboardtheAxiom- in my days at school i had a close knit circle of girls. It was never just one person. But i do think as time goes on it can change.

Hope you all have a fab week.

Thanks again x

Until a couple of years ago my DS (now 10) had the one best friend & it wasn't always a good thing, he often ended up quite isolated when they fell out - which was frequent. I made a concerted effort to dilute the friendship by asking other children round to tea / play. I found that worked better than activities for developing new friendships. It also helped a lot with the clingy-ness as I am pretty much ignored when he has a friend round & can get on with things. As much as I love spending 1-1 time with DS but sometimes I find it can get quite intense if we don't break it up a bit (like you I don't have a lot of family around). I developed a really nice routine with another LP who lived locally where we would take turns having each other's DC. DS enjoyed this as much, if not more, than any other activity that I could plan. (Unfortunately for me, LP friend has now moved out of area so I'm going to have to put more effort into planning weekends). Good Luck - it's heart-breaking when they are miserable isn't it?