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Original poster

Contact decreasing... what to do?

8 replies

baabaapinksheep · 26/02/2011 20:58

Sorry this may well be quite long.

My ex left me just over a year ago when DD2 was a week old, and since then contact has become less and less. He started off having both DDs for two nights a week, then just one, then he moved 200 miles away and said he would visit every week, that lasted about a week before he said he could only mange fortnightly visits. I have always let him stay with me as we got on ok most of the time. But recently we haven't been getting on, he kept saying he wanted to get back together and trying to pressure me into it, and generally being a twat. So a few weeks ago I said I don't want him staying here anymore, he agreed as he said it was too hard to be around me as he's still in love with me. Last time he visited he took the DDs out for a few hours, then looked after them at mine while I went out for a few hours. Spoke to him this evening and he said he wants to be here with them while I am as he's now moved on (after two weeks Hmm ) but I don't want him to as I really dislike him. He said that I'm making it hard for him to see the DDs, even though we have an agreement through my solicitor that he is to come for two days every fortnight, and he is now only going to come for one as its expensive staying in a hotel.

Anyway what I want to know really is whether there is a way he can see the DDs more without us having to see each other? He doesn't drive btw so can't really take them anywhere apart from the park.
And whether or not I'm being a bitch by not making things as easy as possible for him?

OP posts:
Original poster
baabaapinksheep · 26/02/2011 21:24

Anyone??

OP posts:
Gster · 26/02/2011 21:56

Seems like you're being quite accomodating . Either you go elsewhere when he comes to yours or he moves a bit closer.

I currently see my DD whos two at my XP's flat, in fact am writting this from her sofa now. But even though we get on mostly it's not ideal.

Think your XP either needs to learn to drive, move closer or if none of that is possible you might need to find somewhere to go when he visits.

Hopefully someone else will be along in a minute...

portaloo · 28/02/2011 11:10

Can he take DD's every other fortnight for the weekend? Enough time with them to make your XP feel it is worth his while travelling all that way IYSWIM?

I wouldn't be letting him in my house if I didn't get on with the man and he was badgering me to get back with him.

Make a clean break and let him have the DD's at his place (he decided to move away from his DD's after all) but for longer than a few hours.

Original poster
baabaapinksheep · 28/02/2011 15:07

portaloo - I don't want them going to him that often as he lives so far away, its only worth it if they go for 3 or 4 days, and that's too hard for me as they are so little. I wouldn't mind if they were only going for the one night, but don't think he would do that.

Gster - I didn't mind when we were friends, but I don't like him, and he wants nothing to do with me (won't really talk to me when he phones the DDs) so I don't want him in the house at the same time. I have no problem going out for a few hours, but don't really want to be out all afternoon.

OP posts:
Snorbs · 28/02/2011 15:45

I can entirely understand you not wanting him in your house. After a couple of rather unpleasant incidents I no longer let my ex step foot in my home and I'm much the happier for it.

Nevertheless, you do seem to be putting a number of obstacles in his path. You don't want him to see them in your home for more than a few hours. You don't want him to take them to his place for more one night because you would miss them. But the distance makes a single overnighter pretty much impossible - your DDs would be spending more time on a bus or train than they would at their father's home. Taken together, that doesn't seem to leave him with very many options.

Why did he move away?

Original poster
baabaapinksheep · 28/02/2011 19:56

He moved because he wasn't very happy living where he did, even though he had work and was near to our DC.

I don't really want to have to be out for such a long time so that he can be here, I've only lived in the area for a year, so don't know that many people. I would have no problem with him taking them out for the whole day somewhere, but he doesn't drive, making it very hard.

What I mostly have a problem with is that he is supposed to come for two full days, so if he's not going to do that then its not really my fault that he's not seeing them as much as he wants. I shouldn't have to put myself out so much to make it easier for him, when he won't make the extra effort on his part.

OP posts:
portaloo · 28/02/2011 20:35

I notice your DD2 is just over 1yr old. How old is your eldest DD?
Why did he take both DD's, then drop it to only one? Is the eldest not his bio DD?

I wonder if he could still have them from for example, saturday morning until sunday evening?

(Not sure how long it would take him to travel 2x200 miles on public transport, so not sure how much of their time it would eat into.)

OTOH, Can he stay at a friend/relatives house in the area and have both DD's from Saturday morning until Sunday evening?

Original poster
baabaapinksheep · 01/03/2011 20:44

DD1 is 2.8. I meant he dropped the number of nights he was having them from two to one.

It would be a huge hassle for him to have them for that short a time, it takes about 3-4 hours on the train with a change in london. When they have been to him before, his mum has driven down with him to pick them up, don't think she would be happy doing this every fortnight.

We had only lived in the area for 6 months before we split, so he doesn't have anyone he could stay with.

I wish there was an easier way for him to be able to see them, but I don't think there is.

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