After all this time...

8 replies

NewPatchesForOld · 20/02/2011 11:00

Hi all

This is just my musings really, not asking for advice as I'm happy wit my situation but just wondered if anyine else does the same as me.

I've been divorced from my first husband for 10 years. We'd been together 13 years, married for 10. It was a happy marriage for the most part.

10 years on, and with me divorced for a second time, can anyone tell me why I have just spent an hour getting my hair and make up just right because he is coming up to take me and the DCs out for lunch as it's my son's birthday next week? We're really really good friends, I'm happy on my own and he is living with his girlfriend, so why do I care what he thinks of my appearance?

Honestly, there is no way we'd get back together, and it's not something I've ever thought about...well, maybe wondered but never considered. Is it pride? Is it 'look what you missed out on'?

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JustForThisOne · 20/02/2011 11:16

I think this is all positive. It is nice to dress up for your dc lunch, and why not, also for your ex, you are good friends is going to be a nice family event, why should you look like you havent bothered?
Ten years down the line is great to be fond of a person who has obviously been a great part of your life, we are all older and wiser, just enjoy it :-)

JustForThisOne · 20/02/2011 11:17

sorry I read the msg again, I did not mean you are doing it for ex, I am sure you want to look and feel good about yourself first and foremost

Original poster

NewPatchesForOld · 20/02/2011 16:46

Haha...any confusion my subconscious might have had about whether I was dressing up for my exH or not has been well and truly dispelled! He turned up today in a filthy mood...we went out for lunch to a pub we've been to before. We went in, found a table and a waiter appeared and asked us (very politely) to move as the table was reserved and that he would try and find us another one. Ex went mad...effing and blinding and refusing to move. Everybody within ear shot was looking at us...poor DCs.
Now, I don;t condone the pub for their actions; there was nothing to say you needed reservations and there were no reserved signs on the tables. We've never had to book before. But exH was SO embarrassing. He stormed out, swearing at anyone who got in his way and left me and DCs standing there. Then when we got in the car and were driving off he pulled into another parking space and went back in, demanding to see the manager. The upshot was that we got a table, and had lunch, but I was mortified at the whole thing. I would rather have just gone home.
Anyhoo...the whole thing just served to give me a sharp reminder of why I have been divorced from him for 10 years. Funny how the mind forgets the crap and fondly remembers the good times!

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Original poster

NewPatchesForOld · 20/02/2011 16:53

Incidentally, he was in a mood because he said everyone was annoying him. I suspect a large part of it was that his girlfriend (who is 22 and he's 43)had been putting statuses on facebook saying that they had got engaged...they haven't. I asked him why she had done that if it wasn't true and he said it was to wind up his ex girlfriend! I felt relief flooding over me as I relaised, yet again, that I don't have to put up with these silly games that people play in relationships.

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googoomama · 20/02/2011 19:43

Sound like you were married to my exh! Glad you looked good for yourself and also realised the reality of exh x

JustForThisOne · 20/02/2011 22:06

sounds like an absolute constructive day out

CarGirl · 20/02/2011 22:13

Does he not realise this is the price of going out with a 22 year old at his age

What a shame he spoilt your lunch out due to his awful behaviour.

Original poster

NewPatchesForOld · 20/02/2011 22:58

It was a very constructive and enlightening day! I never entertained the idea of getting back with him, but you know how sometimes you just think 'what if...?'
It was the DC I felt sorry for - it was lunch for our son's birthday and he was mortified, as was our daughter. My youngest daughter isn't his, and she just looked at him in confusion as she's not used to being around aggression and anger (I took her away from her massively abusive father when she was 2 so she can't really remember).
As for me - I feel hugely content and at ease with my life and my life decisions, i.e not to stay in abusive destructive relationships . His girlfriend is welcome to his moods and tantrums, and he is welcome to her silliness and insecurities.

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