Wish I could just rip my heart out......just so I could stop caring!!! :-s

[Allalone0]

Sorry im back again, just wanting to moan.

My other thread is connected to this "just found out exh is going back home"

Hes gone for 5 weeks....he was an abusive prick, my dd is now able to sleep at her grans in safety, I should be happy!!
But instead (i feel like such a fool) I miss him, we would go without speaking for days on end and occasionally speak abt stuff to do with kids or money.Not much care or contact when he was here, but now hes 1000's of miles away. I miss him and think i still care about him. I am worrying just like i would when we were together. About what hes getting himself into.

Im so fed up, i would become completely useless and depressed. I dont wanna go there again.
Wish i could JUST STOP caring!!!
after everything hes put me and dcs through, I shouldnt care about him let alone miss him!!! Sigh......

Aww...thanks Haribo (but i dont drink, I'll have a coke though) :-)

We were married for 13yrs and have now been separated for 19mths. It will be 2 years in July.

I loved him so so much. We had been writing to each other for 3 yrs prior to getting married, bit of a long distance thing.
But i cared so much about him and i do feel today that i am still grieving over the loss of the person I THOUGHT he was. But sadly I dont think he ever was. Or he kept his TRUE self hidden away from me?

He was my 1st love.....I was 19 when we got married.
My mind is doing overtime just like it used to. I would trust him completely in the beginning but he had proved through his actions over the years that he couldnt be trusted.
Now i am thinking he must be getting upto allsorts.
Im trying to tell myself that its absolutely NONE of my business what he gets upto.
Were not together anymore!!

I may be wrong, nut i think i remeber reading one of your other posts and thinking how simialr our situations were. Had been married and separated the same amount of time.

I dont want to get upto allsorts, been there done that.
Didnt enjoy it really (this was a year after we were separated.
I dont want a man, even though it can get VERRRRRy lonely sometimes.
I just want to GET over him!!
Sigh Sigh....

Allalone0
said
I dont want to get upto allsorts, been there done that.

And when exactly have you done that?
You got merried so young ...19!!! I was still playing with...ok not dools...stil

I have read your posts too and lihe HB thought feelings were still running high (valentine flowers etc)

I think he has done you (and himself a favour) to go abroad for a while. SOunds like he needs to sort out his head, at the same time will allow you time and space and peace, for you and your dc. Things will get easier, do not underestimate the blessing in disguise

JustforthisOne....I never had a bf before i got married. He was my first and i truly believed my last.

I joined some dating sites a year after we separated, at the age of 33. Thats when i went and did stuff i had never done before

He was the one that bought the flowers, i just didnt accept them. (does that mean he has some sort of feelings still there for me?)

haribo, i have tried to fill the gaps first by trying to meet someone else (bit difficult being single mum with 3 kids, not so difficult for him though)
Then started a teaching course in sept to try and get some sort of career going for me, so i can stand on my own 2 feet and be totally independent.

I think if he had got up and left forever and not told me where he was going, it might have been easier for me to get over him.
Im just finding myself feeling abit low today........

(does that mean he has some sort of feelings still there for me?)

By reading that post the feeling I got was that communication had broken down completely between you 2

Ok you did it after, that makes sense :-)

Alot has broken between us sadly. Communication, trust, honesty etc.

Dont think there is much left there anymore, which is why i dont think its worth even considering reconciliation. Despite still having feelings for him, too much has happened.

Im not sure the exact reason why, but I don't seem to be able to take anything he says or does seriously. As when i have done and believed him in the past I have only been let down.

He claims to still have feelings for me somewhere within him.....

Of course you miss the person you wanted him to be and thought he was. But he wasn't that person.

It is still early days in your separation. It's often said that you should allow 1 week for ever month you were together. So given you were married 13 years (and knew each other before that presumably) you're looking of a 3+ year time frame before you will really be ready to let go and move on from that grieving process.

Don't try and rush it by doing 'allsorts'. You will know when you are ready and that isn't yet.

Of course you miss him. Even if you don't love him you still hate him. The two are closely linked. It's when you stop caring that you'll know you're over him.

Your calculations sound about right Gillybean, and prob more realistic.

I have been getting frustrated with myself for not getting over him, thinking I should be as we@ve been separated for 20 mths now. And he doesnt seem to give a shit.
Mind you he never gave a shit, when we were together. So nothings changed then